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Since I've become this "other person" "post cancer" I've noticed change's. pre cancer I liked to read. I read a lot every night for at least 3hr's. I practiced my yoga every day for at least an hour. I went out walking every day. and then In October last year the cancer hit me hard and quick. from December until February It was hospital's. Newham. Bart's. the Royal London for various operation's seven In all "I have one more coming up In two week's time" In April and May It was radiotherapy six week...
I guess finally finishing work was inevitably going to lead to some pretty unappealing emotions but I didn't expect it to start as soon as I left the building on Friday night. It's been a really tough weekend so far. The stone fell out of my engagement ring on Friday night and I couldn't find it. Normally I'd be beside myself for something that meant so much to me but it seems in the fog of cancer and all that goes with it, material things seem pretty incidental.
Yesterday two things...
So had my first outpatient appointment yesterday and it was confirmed that they would like me to have 6 weeks of Radiotherapy. Although my margins were clear apparently it was very close on one side and because of my age they would rather take the belt and braces approach. Apparently it won't be on the neck- just on a small area of my neck. They are also going to send me for a breast check to Just make sure they have covered all bases. The PET/CT didn't show signs of anything else- but again, they...
Hope on your face,
A friend in a scary place,
Light and fright,
The day and night...
An eternal sunny warning,
"You'll feel better in the morning",
As you mind and wash hair,
You are kind and you are there…
You understand my dignity,
You find a misplaced leech for me,
We rank the scales of pain,
While morphine keeps me sane...
Tissues for my issues,
The moments we misuse,
Good smelling, soothed swelling,
My Gallic rebelling...
We laugh, we are still strong...
Today is my last day at work before I go off for a break and get myself geared up for a slightly less pressured start to radiotherapy. I nearly skipped out of the door but of course I feel awful for going off, even on annual leave in case anyone needs anything. Seriously need to care a bit less about my job I think.
I'm caffeine propelled too today. I got up at 5am in the end because I was devastated that while I was sleeping I'd accidentally murdered my friend teapot. I'd been trying to find a...
I think it's fair to say that with just one day left at work, I'm ready to let go. Mentally I've very little room for any more. I've been carrying cancer, a project, a team of nearly 20 and the various emotional needs of the people around me since I got cancer, for 3 and a half months. Now I know I'm just 1 day at work away from going off for some time and starting radiotherapy I can feel myself losing grasp of my normal, albeit gobby, reasonable manner.
I'm finding it increasingly...
Two more days at work to go. I'm all out of steam because my head's done in and I'm exhausted but I'm hanging on. I'm on annual leave all next week anyway so aside from Peak District-ing, seeing a couple of friends and a whole heap of hospital appointments/radiotherapy, I'll be doing some serious hardcore sleeping! Still can't get over how tired I am ALLLLLL the time. I'm 26 years old and I'm in my jarmies and having a nap straight after work just to keep me up long enough to smile at Hairy, call...
