Since I've become this "other person" "post cancer" I've noticed change's. pre cancer I liked to read. I read a lot every night for at least 3hr's. I practiced my yoga every day for at least an hour. I went out walking every day. and then In October last year the cancer hit me hard and quick. from December until February It was hospital's. Newham. Bart's. the Royal London for various operation's seven In all "I have one more coming up In two week's time" In April and May It was radiotherapy six week's all this happened so quick. I can't seem to get back to where I were mentally. my mind Is still jammed up. whenever I'm alone It all come's flooding back. I find myself going over and over those month's. just as I'm getting ready to sleep It's there. I even dream about It. there's no escape. If I have to go anywhere on bus'es or train's there's always advert's saying "together we can beat cancer" last night there was nothing to watch on TV so I settled down for casualty. and guess what It was about a man with terminal cancer. I'm sick of It. It's everywhere.
I'm always worrying that It could return. or It could be something else. like dementia or diabetes I'm at that age now when the body start's to wear down. I've already got heart problem's genetic "thank's mum" kidney problem's. I left school at 15yr's and worked continually from 1966 until 2009 my plan was to work until I was 70yr's old. I always thought I would live to well Into my 90's now that thought fill's me with dread. another 30yr's! It would probably be nothing but hospital appointment's and being taken to them In a wheelchair. as I said once before the real me Is gone I don't think he will ever return. everything that led up to the moment I was told that I had cancer and I mean everything from the time I was born was destroyed In that moment. I'm not that person any more
