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Another bittersweet day... Today I collected my gorgeous man from the hospital. They have sent him home to die... How is it even possible that 8 weeks ago we were planning our future, our house is Malta, our careers, etc..... and now we are talking funerals and after-life plans..
The Macmillan nurse I met today was lovely, helpful and kind. Don't get me wrong, the other one I met probably is too, but she is the one that has been giving me the BAD news all the time... I know, unfair but I can't help...
I have enjoyed 4 years of good health and wonderful times with family and friends but the dreaded lymphoma is back. I always knew this was on the cards but I'm sure all of us in this position always hopes we will be the one to beat it.
I was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma grade1-2 stage 4 with 40% bone marrow involvement in July 2009. I was given R Chop chemo within the week as my scan showed bulky disease pressing on vital blood vessels and organs. I had a good response to treatment with...
Things are definately hurting more today. Sore patch on my throat that makes swallowing tricky. Warm water seems to be less irritating than cold water.
My tongue is feeling quite sore again. I have been upping the oramorph ( as I was told) and am now in 4.5ml every 4 hours. Still doesn't seem to send me woozy so that's good.
Having real problems getting the mouth/ tongue guard in for radiotherapy but everyone is very patient and waits for me to wiggle it in.
Another 3 bags of prescriptions...
This is my third round of radiotherapy, having had several weeks' worth on my pelvis in the past and a week on my neck last autumn. I was a bit surprised when my oncologist said he wanted to blast my abdomen again. I thought you couldn't have radiotherapy more than once on the same area. So before my first session I did raise this query with the radiographer. She assured me that the doctor knew what he was doing! Yes, of course he does, but the first lot was given in a different hospital,...
Well having re-read what I've written so far I am truly glad to say this bit of this journey is so very nearly over. We have 10 days until round 6 - last chemo, the two antibody's on the end make our real end date November but it's the chemo I will so glad to see the back of. Some form of normality must be returning to our lives as I got really mad with M today and left at home on his own to sleep. My usual patience levels are returning (not much to be honest) and I can't wait for Saturday...
What always makes me more confused (and sometimes angry!) is people's opinions, whether it be from a professional or a random person four doors down from your house. Everyone has an opinion on my husband's cancer!
Some opinions are very welcomed, others take with a pinch of salt and smile, and then there are some who should really mind their own business!
My husband has been on/off cancer treatment for his brain tumour/cancer for over 7 years now and I still think we sometimes struggle...
This weekend was amazing, this is why its so hard to accept todays news.....
One of our dear friends brought us a meal, with candles, tablecloth etc to the hospital, for us to celebrate our pending anniversary. It created a memory I will have for the rest of my life and the smile it created on Paul's face will live with me forever.
I love you darling with all my heart. Don't leave me, not yet, we are not ready. :'(
