What always makes me more confused (and sometimes angry!) is people's opinions, whether it be from a professional or a random person four doors down from your house. Everyone has an opinion on my husband's cancer!
Some opinions are very welcomed, others take with a pinch of salt and smile, and then there are some who should really mind their own business!
My husband has been on/off cancer treatment for his brain tumour/cancer for over 7 years now and I still think we sometimes struggle with finding the balance.
Some nurses/doctors/people say "Take all the rest you need" others say "Make sure you keep active". "Need to eat as heathy as possible"..."Oh don't worry about salads, eat what you want".
As a twenty-somethings couple we still try to have our "normal" times out of hospitals, so we will go out and have a few drinks and stay up late, this is one always seems to get people giving us their opinion! "Don't be burring the candle at both ends" or "It's good to see you getting out"
I find us "socialising" one of the hardest things to get the balance right, I want to create those happy memories for us both as those are the things you often look back on and smile/laugh about but in the same breath I'm conscious that we need to be careful. We always make sure there's rest days before and after any event but I feel the "non-cancer world" seem to want my husband tucked up in bed, me sat at home, just incase anything happens!!
My most eyebrow raising moment was when this relapse I decided (unlike previous diagnosis) I had to remain at work, purely for financial reasons nothing else, I wish I could have taken leave like I did previous times, it just wasn't possible and in the back of my mind I'm holding out on taking that leave if darker days come as that's when my husband will need me the most! That decision I think probably impacted on me the most, from people telling me I shouldn't work, to people understanding my decision, to people accusing me of not looking after my husband, to which the terrier in me obviously came out, of course I would never leave my husband if I didn't think he was capable of looking after himself. AGAIN just because he has cancer doesn't mean he needs to be on house arrest with carers 24/7!
This relapse I have struggled to know where the carer in me stops and where the wife starts, from the moment I get up I'm busy, if it's not hospital appointments, it's work, if it's not work it's the good old housework. Trying to find the right work, life, hospital balance has really affected us. We are the best of friends but even this has challenged our relationship without the need of trying to work out whether my husband should rest a little more today, or should he push himself that bit further today.
What I've boiled it down to is some people will have their say until the cows come home and I can't stop that, I'm guilty of doing that myself, but what I think/hope I've learnt though all of this, that sometimes you don't need to give your opinion, you can just listen.
I hope we've got the right balance right, our priority since day one has been to see the lighter side of life and enjoy the little moments as much as the bigger moments...sometimes I just need to stop and tell myself to stop getting concerned/annoyed with people, I just need to focus on me and my husband and the rest will all fit into place...hopefully :)
