Today I realised I have been holding my breath for the past four weeks - and was able to breathe properly again. We met with our oncologist and got the staging results - T3/N0/1/M0 - and know that the plan now is chemo and surgery and then more chemo - I can now allow myself to believe that we can beat this thing and come through it - I know life will never be quite the same again - its always going to be there lurking…
What a lovely weekend we had - daughter home from London so had all my three daughters plus new grandaughter around me. Weather was fine and we had a lovely time sampling wine and cheeses at Sharpham Vineyard and for the first time in weeks I slept the whole night through ! Nielsen needed to have "a talk" with me - oh how I dread that phrase - but it was ok - he just wanted to say how worried he was at the frenetic…
Spent twelve hours at Derriford Hospital yesterday - suspect first of many such sessions - but all went well - we have now had the laparotomy and ultrasound endoscopy - a couple of nodes taken too. He didnt go down till fairly late and was still on oxygen when he came back to the ward so they made the decision to keep him in overnight - much to his dismay.
I was doing ok - honest injun I was - when they came and took…
Got shouted at today - nothing major and sticks and stones etc - but not how we normally interact. I know he didnt mean it, I know he is worried about tomorrow but part of me wants to shout back- its not my fault , I am trying to help - and part of me wants to say - I know you are going to be cross, I know you need to get it out - thats what I am here for - never be sorry about that. The second option won thank goodness…
Its so strange how you can almost - almost - forget about the cancer - just for a while - whilst we are in this limbo-like state and just waiting - for results - for treatment plans and Nielsen is actually feeling quite well - we have been out and about, walking in the sun, having meals, seeing family and friends - and sometimes - not for long mind you - I can forget this nightmare place I find myself in most of the time…
