Bit of a meltdown

Hey, 

you’re TOTALLY allowed! It’s really understandable, you’ve been through a trauma, and you’re still waiting to find out ‘what next?’ So allow yourself time and give yourself a big hug for what you’ve already come through!

sending you a big squishy comforting hug xxx

Hi Moomy. Thank you so much - your reply is really appreciated. As they say, tomorrow is another day - and today I feel more like ‘me’ than I have since before this nightmare happened. I am going to appreciate and make the most of this as I know each day - sometimes es each hour!! - can be very different. 
I am no longer imagining that my results will show a diagnosis many times worse than I thought. Yes, it might be worse but logically I know that they could equally be just as we already know. 
I will do my best to smlle through the next few dsys

PatsyP2 Hi no problem this is where we all come to shout and rant against cancer and the system ,as well as have a chat and laugh . 

As you already know waiting plays horrible tricks on brain but do remember the stories you have read about it meaning the worst is only because people don't feel the  need post the good news sometimes .I panicked a bit when I was told surgery was to take place in two days ( 8 days after diagnosis ) then day after op found out surgeon had gone on holiday and there was a cancellation hence the need to get  it done ! Lol

We all overthink at times but then our logic takes over and we race a breath and do one step at a time .

keep smiling 

Sorry to hear about your delay, it’s so frustrating isn’t it and we can’t help but worry .

I'm in a position where on Friday my lumpectomy was cancelled ( should have been today ) because my results from an mri weren’t back in time to be discussed at the MDT. As you can imagine my mind is in overdrive, I can help but fear the worst. I’m so gutted as was totally geared up for everything to happen - had childcare organised, had isolated at home! So upsetting. Now I must wait till Wednesday till the next MDT happens to get a new date. 
The waiting is just the worst.  X

Oh you poor thing. That is much worse than me having to wait for my report from surgery. At your stage everyone just wants to get the surgery done so that the cancer has been dealt with. All of us worry about any delays and the effect on our minds and general well-being is awful. To the professionals it is routine and they know when a short delay isn’t a problem. But it is so difficult for the patients. I was thrown into  panic mode simply by getting phone calls at 7pm on Friday evening! 
And as you say, all the practical aspects, without throwing Covid into the mix as well! I do hope that your new date is very soon and that all goes well. 

Thank you, hopefully I get it done ASAP, like you say I just want the cancer out and dealt with - to a degree! 
Then I’ll have the dreaded wait for results, any delay is so difficult x

Hi Margaret 

Thanks so much for your supportive response. Yes the mind does play terrible tricks, especially during these terrible times of waiting. I thought I was dealing with it pretty well - the dark moments were bearable and tended to be mostly during the 3am wide awake hours and I had become able to concentrate on and deal with other things much better as the weeks had gone by.  But this extra few days’ wait just completely knocked me sideways, backwards and every other way. Perhaps it just prompted reality to finally set in. 
You are so right about people not posting good news. Most of us post on these forums when we have problems - I am doing just that!! I have said on several occasions that what we read isn’t necessarily representative of the wider experience but again when we are feeling down our logic doesn’t easily come into play! 
I am sure my usual more positive attitude will return once I definitely know what the next step is. In the meantime I will try to keep busy - at least my energy levels have recovered after surgery, so keeping busy is easier! 

PatsyP2

Hi this is so the right place to be because we can come on no matter where we are in treatment . It's hard out there to find people who understand how we feel . There is a lot of positives on here which people always find .. it just pops up on different threads . I'm sure your positivity will see you thru this waiting time . 

I found the waiting for results after surgery hard because I had hardly accepted having cancer before surgery ( story on profile ) . 

I was told Her2 positive so treatment plan still ongoing . Fifteen months after surgery and if Covid hadn't interfered would be back to a higher level of fitness . 

If you awake in early hours try the" awake "thread  lots of us on there ready to offer support and have a chat or just listen . Oh and have a laugh they don't call us fruit loops for nothing .........

Hi PatsyP2, So sorry to hear that your post-op appointment has been delayed and your reaction is totally normal . Those of us who have been there and bought the tshirt know exactly how you feel.It's the waiting and not knowing that is the worst part for sure and delays in the system are a pain. However your team will let you know what the plan is for your future care as soon as they can. Wishing you well on your journey through this post-op. phase. Srending  big but gentle hugs xx

Thanks Kwissy. It is great to have support from people such as yourself and Northerner. The waiting is awful and the unexpected delay just threw me. In reality the delay is only 4 days but at tines it is hard to think rationally or logically. Feeling much more positive now, especially after seeing my BCN yesterday. Whatever the results show, there is nothing I can do to alter them and I am just trying to get back to thinking that I want to get on to the next step as soon as possible and just get through it. Have had a day of being busy and dealing with all sorts of non medical things - and looking after my granddaughter - and that definitely helps!