Hello, had a bad day.....

Awww hugs , your at the worst stage in all this . Once you get your treatment plan it will get easier , you will get the fight from somewhere . Oh you will have tough and rough times ahead but you will technically be getting better . Don’t apologise for feeling down - of course you do - you have probably had the worst shock of your life . Cuddle those close to you , talk to friends - friends might not be the way you think they will be with you . It’s common ( I’ve chatted to other ladies about this ) for good/best friends to become cold and almost disappear BUT then the ones you least expect to, will be there for you and become your rocks . This happened to me, so keep an open mind and your arms open to different friendships . When I look back it was to black and bleak ( January / February . But the sun will come out again, and you will laugh and love life again . 
please telephone the MacMillan helpline for support , I phoned in tears and what wonderful they were . Do not hesitate , it’s all confidential. It really does help to talk . 

be gentle on yourself 

love and hugs 

Ruby Rose  

You will get through this and yes you may find support in unexpected places - I did. Also a couple of friends I've supported in the past just disappeared in a puff of smoke!!  Another vote for phoning the Macmillan help line you can say whatever you like knowing it stays confidential.  Somehow just talking about fears makes them shrink a bit. Sending a hug

I know exactly what you mean about reading the report I remember coping really well with what the consultant had said to me but when I read it in black and white BOY!! Did it hit home I cried all day and night and to be honest each and every day since but not quite as much as the first week of getting the report so when the reports came in the post (first letter letter beginning of October after my first lumpectomy 4oct)  now I just give them to my hubby I haven’t read the others that have come through ( had 3 operations report after each op) 

hubby says I’m burying my head in the sand but to be honest I don’t care we each cope our own way and this is my way I don’t want to read them I’ll just listen to what the consultant says and what the oncologist says and carry on I don’t need or want  to read it 

it’s true you’ll find your own way of how you’ll cope and who your support will be embrace that support it’s surprising where you’ll get it from 

this site these people know what your going through they are amazing xx

Hi

I am in the same situation was diagnosed yesterday, complete shock and don't know how to feel about anything. Feel tired sick and achy but don't know if it is real or imagined. Dreading that cc letter but didn't think to say don't send it to me. 

Really hope you are feeling more upbeat but completely understand if you aren't.

Sending hugs xxx

I get you completely. I've had pains everywhere and imagined I'm covered in cancer even if my toes hurt. Its hell. I've actually made myself really poorly. Run down, crying,  looking at Google which gives some terrible thoughts in your head.

Hugs sent to you xxx

Hi there, the feelings you are experiencing are normal at this stage, back in may I was imaging all sorts of things, once you know what they r dealing with and you have a treatment plan you will feel more positive. Please don’t go on google, I found  whatever I looked at was not good and made me feel a lot worse, ask your breast care team anything you need to know and there a are lot of us who have been through what you are going through now, so ask as many things as you like, thankfully I’m in a good place after diagnosed with breast cancer in April this year, there is light at the end of what seems like a very large tunnel, hold in there, you are stronger than you think, we r here for you

Rita

Hello rita 

I'm in such a bad place. I only see I'm going to die. I have days when I feel a bit stronger but today I have woken feeling petrified. I have the cancer in some of my lymph nodes as well. My ct was clear but I still think I'm going to die despite them saying its primary. I am tormented most of the time. I know there are people far worse off than me. I just cant help it. I've started sweating at night really bad. I haven't started treatment yet so dont know if this is all part of panicking.  Thanks for your reply

Xxxxxxxx 

Comparing yourself to others doesn't help you at all does it? It is how you are feeling in the moment that helps or hinders.

I do hope you have talked to professionals about this and have some strategies in place now - thinking breathing exercises, counting 4 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell.2 you can touch . All these exercises ground you in the moment and push the "what ifs" a wee bit further out of your imnediate thoughts.

Thoughts do come and go as you've discovered. So you know they can be moved from the front of your mind.

Sending healing thoughts

Morning Charlieandlola

So sorry to read you are still suffering these feelings of doom  Must have been torturing yourself for a week now ?

You mention they found cancer in your lymph nodes - This is probably only a few cancer cells as nearly everyone is found to have the same. It is the lymph nodes job to trap these cells they are like the bodies safety net to stop them going elsewhere. It is exactly the same reaction with mumps or flu when the neck nodes swell up. So they have done their job and saved you from this.... Problem is as soon as these consultants mention cancer cells in lymph node it fills you with dread and only a few cells doesn't warrant the mental impact this info has on people.

There's a difference between a few random cells than actual tumours so please try to get a hold of these 'I am riddled with cancer worries' - they are doing you more harm emotionally than is helpful. All the symptoms you mention are down to stress and anxiety caused by you worrying about this.

What can we do to help you get out from this hole you are digging for yourself ?

Group Hug, G n' J

I dont know. I have watched 2 friends die of breast cancer so all I see is death. It ruining every day and I haven't started treatment yet. Think there is a lump in my lymph nodes not just a few cells. My friend who died said it was the highway to hell and once they are in there you have no chance. How can I get that out my head? Xx