My wife has stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and I know I'm not alone

Hi Paul, words feel so inadequate in your situation but I just wanted to respond to assure you that you aren’t alone and it’s good you reached out. My husband was recently diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer at age 44. There’s no cure but it is treatable for now, but it hurts so much that our young children will lose their father early, it doesn’t seem real and so, so unfair. The only advice I can give is to not feel guilty for recognizing your own pain. You are no doubt giving so much to her, which I know you’ll want to do, but you need to try to look after yourself and ensure you have your own support network - it’s putting on your oxygen mask first, as people keep telling me. Sending you strength, your wife is very fortunate to have you by her side xxx

• 44 is no age Anna... what can I say? We were married young...18 and 19, so we've enjoyed 40 plus years together and our boys have grown up... although two are still at home! 

But I'd expected to spend the rest of my days with Sue and travel the world. Sadly this won't happen. I know I have to look after myself and I have good networks, but quality time away from my wife is hard to get!

Thank you for your kind words... it means a great deal.

Paul

Hi Paul

I'm sure your emotions must be all over the place at the moment. My brother was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer 2 weeks ago. 

He was given the all clear last march and we were thrilled. Very short lived for him at the time as 2 days later his wife of 40 years died of heart failure. To say it's been a up and down couple of years for him is unimaginable. 

Since her death I have become his main carer. Supporting him anyway I can. At his last appointment he was told the cancer has metastasized to his lungs, liver, lymph nodes and possibly his right kidney.

I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my world as he is my only brother. I have a husband and 2 children but other than that no other close family members to speak to. 

Trying to be brave for other is very difficult. I don't know about you but somedays I want to scream and I cry when I'm on my own. Pancreatic cancer is so cruel. Any cancer is but this one is just so silent and vicious. 

I'm taking my brother to the oncologist tomorrow. Wether they can provide any treatment we don't know but they cannot operate or cure it. It's cruel

Sandra

Hi Paul - my heart goes out to you as you try to find a way through a living nightmare with your wife who sounds so brave after enduring so much with not only the cancer but the treatment as well. 
My husband was diagnosed with S4 metastatic pancreatic cancer 10 months ago with only the option of palliative chemotherapy. He too had folfirinox & he endured 12 rounds. We are now waiting for the 3 month scan & it feels so wrong to be doing nothing but just wait. I too stay up  during the ‘wee hours’ as you say! I play over countless scenario of this new scan from elation to devastation. I am so saddened to read that your wife’s cancer spread even further. I too worry that this will be the case for my husband & I can’t believe how strong he is emotionally with this scan looming in 3 weeks. I feel often overwhelmed with panic & basic chores seem pointless. Even gardening is a cruel chore as my husband spends time making the garden more ‘maintenance free’ in preparation for the future. He was given an up to 12 month prognosis but he just has to smash this as otherwise our adult children & I will be crushed. 

So I thank you for sharing your experience of this cruel, cruel cancer and I really hope & pray you still have your precious wife with you. Clare 

Hi all

I hope you don't mind me popping in here. Thank you for all the support you are sharing, you're certainly not alone when you visit the Community

If you might find it helpful to have a chat through the night, the Online Community is always open. We are trying to make it easier for members to connect and chat with each other, whether it be 3pm or 3am. 

We have created a new thread in the Cancer Chat forum to help bring members together in a place where they can chat through the night.

 RE: Awake and up all night 

It's a new thread, so it might take some time to build a Community of members who support each other. We hope you might consider joining the conversation.

We also have a Macmillan Support Line if you would like to talk things through with someone who is there to listen.  Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.

Thanks all and do let us know if you have any questions.

Hi Clare. I've not managed to get on here of late. My wife is now in steep decline and we have a hospital bed arriving later today. Macmillan specialist nurse has been great support and is currently visiting us weekly. Do make use of this valuable service. 

I pray that your husband has had better news. Whichever way, I pray you find the strength to face it together.  He sounds amazing and I'm sure you are doing everything you can.

On a different front, my wife and I have shared some of the sweetest, closest times of our marriage in the last six months. It isn't all gloom.... laugh, dance, cry.... but enjoy the time you have. Make memories. I will look in here more often... I've just been so tired.

Paulu 

I am so saddened to hear that your sweet wife is in decline. It makes my stomach churn as you sound such a caring, wonderful husband and this pancreatic disease is so cruel. 
it is so lovely to hear that you have had some of your most precious times as a couple over the past 6 months as I know I have been blessed for the passed 35 years with a husband that is a ‘one in a million’ but recent months have magnified this.

He actually had his 3 month review scan last Monday after 13 rounds of chemo and we have a 2 week wait for the results that will shape our next chapter as a family….. so we have come away to Spain with our adult children, grandson & my parents! It has only been 48 hours since we arrived but somehow I have been able to park the nightmare and live in the moment. However this is very much down to our wonderful MacMillan nurse who has so kindly agreed to see me for counselling sessions as I try to find a way through this hideous reality. Some days I can’t even do the shopping without crying and definitely haven’t wanted to leave the house! Bless her & my doctor to be fair who has rang me every 2/3 weeks since my husband was diagnosed last August 24 

Please know that I have thought of you & your family recently and so appreciate you messaging, despite your fatigue :(  I can only imagine. 

I hope your preciuis wife is comfortable and that somehow you get all the rest you need to look after her and yourself. Call on friends and family if you can as I’ve been told countless times that our support system are only too happy to help. 

Please take care of yourself 

Clare 

Spain! Well done... Britain is very humid at the moment. 

• I wonder if I could add you as my first friend on here. Feel free to say no.

I mention Spain because we couldn't get travel insurance.  May I ask who insured you and was it dear?

That is very touching - we can of course be friends ️  I feel we have shared so much already….

I couldn’t get my husband insured when I rang companies directly but when I booked the Airbnb it offered insurance for £130 in total & for some reason I clicked yes! I rang and found out that it coved all of the people staying in the apartment, so I mentioned my husband’s illness & he said there is no reason to declare that as it is not necessary. He checked the medical detail and everything w covered and even repatriation which wasn’t available anywhere else. I think the insurer is Europ Assist so I will try calling them direct if we are lucky enough to book another trip at some point or I’ll just make sure it’s Airbnb!! 

Please excuse any spelling errors as I am currently on a boat with everyone following dolphins - much to my grandsons delight & my spelling was bad the other night as it’s hard typing late at night in dim light in bed when I can’t sleep! 

Sending caring thoughts & strength your way 

Clare