How to understand and cope with the loss of your wife

My wife was unwell for the last 6 months of last year and had 3 spells in hospital 2 of which were in intensive care for 7-10 days. During those periods there was no indication that she had cancer and she was being treated for urinary infection and an infection she caught in hospital. On 16th October she was diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer we were told her diagnosis meant that she only had 6-9 months to live. Whilst we found that difficult to hear we had much we wanted to do together, we did not get the chance and she died in my arms 6 weeks later. Life feels totally unfair and my wife said to me “why does god take the good people”. I cannot answer that question, we have been married for 38 years and together for 40 years. We have two children who live at the opposite ends of the country so to see either one takes 5 hours and the other 7 hours to get to, because of COVID I see no one like many I am alone with my thoughts and this is my first step to attempting to deal with my loss and have steered away from getting any bereavement support but feel I need to do something as life feels futile and worthless. I had thought I may be beginning to cope but clearly I am wrong. My wife’s ashes still remain at the funeral home which I need to collect but have and continue not to do so as I feel that when I do that is the end and I like many I am sure sill live with denial thinking she will come home.