Hi all this is the first time I've reached out for support/advice, so apologises if my post is a little long winded.
My Sister became very unwell out of the blue in January after loads of tests and scans which felt like an age to get any answers. She had a diagnosis of advanced stage cervical cancer and since has had more scans which have shown up more tumors in other parts of her body. She started a treatment plan but since the last scan results showing up these other tumors the consultant has changed the course of therapy, it just feels like every test & scan is coming back with the worst news for her. What makes it so awful is that she is young, we are soo very close but because of covid 19 many of her result are being given over the phone or when she attends the hospital for therapy when she is alone.
I am doing everything I can to support her however she is struggling to engage with any kind of support barr the link nurses at the local hospital and I am really concerned that she is not receiving emotional, practical, financial support from any services that could help her and I hate that there is only so much I can do. She is a single parent and has been on statutory sick pay for last couple of months, she is so unwell & tired that she unable to physically do anything. I know she feels like she has lost all control of her life and when ever the conversation is brought up about getting advice or support she almost puts a wall up, I get the feeling her making any contact with any kind cancer support will make it real. I know this is her choice but is there any advice anyone can offer on how best I support her through this.
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to hear that your sister has been diagnosed with advanced cervical cancer which has spread. It must be a very difficult time for both her and the rest of your family but your love for her shines through this post.
Try not to worry about her treatment plan changing as this is a normal occurrence as her consultants see how her cancer is reacting. Also new treatments are constantly becoming available which her team might want to change her to.
I can understand that you want to try and do everything you can to help her but, from what you say about her putting a wall up when you try to talk, it sounds like she wants to feel in control of this aspect of her life. You might benefit from taking a look at this information from Macmillan on talking with someone who has cancer as it will help you to understand what she is facing.
You say that "her making any contact with any kind cancer support will make it real" but, from personal experience, I can definitely say that if you have cancer then you are very well aware that you have it. She may not feel ready yet to talk to support groups or may feel more comfortable joining the Macmillan Online Community where she is completely anoymous.
I think it would help you to join the family and friends group as it's a safe and supportive place to share your worries with others who have family or friends living with cancer.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When she feels ready Macmillan have a welfare rights team and a work support service who she could talk to about any benefits she might be entitled to. It's free to call them on 0808 808 0000 and they're currently available from Monday to Friday from 8am to 6pm.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
