I did it my way

Johnty always posted beautiful pictures and messages. 

Thanks definitely uplifting.  You just need to teach me now :)

This is you Johnty. Those words means you.

Dear, thank you for your kind words. I was sorry to read that you feel the need to leave the public facing side of the community but having read your post setting out your reasons I felt I wanted to share my thoughts to give people an insight into your reasoning. Although the understanding of mental health issues has improved in recent years much remains to be done to enable non sufferers to understand the frame of mind of people who are experiencing these challenges. The most important thing to understand is feelings don’t always necessarily translate into actions, so an expression of desperation with one’s situation should not always be perceived as an intention to do something “silly”. It’s just difficult sometimes to find the right language to describe the intensity of emotions without causing understandable alarm in others. When you combine a terminal cancer diagnosis with long standing mental health challenges you perhaps need additional specialised support outside of a general forum like this. I know your life has many challenges and you are more than deserving of having emotional support to help you maintain a good quality of life. 

Hello everyone, once again thank you for the latest kind messages, everything is calm here now. All the preparations I made many months ago are starting to fall into place, and everyone involved in my care is coming together to provide me with the best possible palliative care. I want you all to know your kind words have had a profound impact on me and I would encourage you all to carry on putting your love out into the world as it does make a difference.

Johnty, Let me be the first to say you are such a wise gal and you can always come and visit us all one by one and just see how your wise words have had an effect on us all. I was ready to leave the forum after the passing of my Beloved Tina as I didn't thinkit was right for me to be here, but your wise words and advice gave me the strength to carry on posting in the Bereaved Partners and Spouses section. 

Your input to most people has been the BEST and you can see that because there is 3 pages of Great Messages of Love for yourself, so you can see that you will be missed.

God Bless To You and Hubby

John

A Problem shared is Certainly a Problem Halved!! Thank You 

Johnty, that is very true. I have always hated the term mental health issues. I wish we could give it a nicer title. It’s not so much mental health issues but if, how or whatever we can cope with. I’m dealing right now with my mum’s affairs, her POA, her adult care finance situation, a fight to keep my home, trying to find the money for my funeral expenses. Now my mum doesn’t live here, I’m saddled with all the expenses that has led to cuts in what I can afford like heating, water usage etc. Plus the almost 2 hrs commute and 45 minutes walk to see my mum, unfortunately that commute has taken its toll on my cancer. Went yesterday to see doctor, I have the heartbreak decision of putting my cancer first and no commute or continue to see her and further toll on my cancer. My mum is the only family I have left. Plus the fact homealone’s final journey and yours are heartbreaking, I feel failure for not coping with it. But I’m pushing myself to cope with it, I’m not a quitter! Once people have my friendship like Daloni, Tvman, you, Homealone, tinalay, Lamlyn, ginasjky, fishy, and smrichie5, you all have a friend in me for life. Let’s not forget I’ve taken on the shift for the overnight at the town’s churches. I start my shift again tomorrow night and then walk home. I don’t live close to town and need to save money. I think I may have to give that up. Johnty is not coping a mental health issue? I’m so sorry I’m not coping with the online community at times.

Dear,

not coping with overwhelming personal circumstances isn’t caused by mental health issues but it most certainly can cause emotional disturbance. Ultimately there are only so many hours in the day and only one of you, so you have to prioritise your responsibilities to yourself and your mother and other things will inevitably have to be sidelined as a form of self protection. Now that I am entering the final phase of my life all activities that drain me of energy and aren’t necessary have been let go and I have no problem prioritising my own needs. I would recommend you do the same, don’t feel guilty for it and take support from wherever it presents itself.

Thanks for your advice. I’m going to do what my GP advices and put my. An error first in looking after myself.  But part of my mental well-being is seeing my mum. But unfortunately when I’m there she is only interested in her own concerns. I spent my birthday with her as promised but all she wanted and moaned about was laxatives. I did tell her I wasn’t fair on me to go all that way for her to be moaning all the time. She cannot cope with my cancer and zones me out. Every time I keep telling her I cannot cope with the distant between us, she starts shouting for staff and telling them that I wasn’t coming anymore. I feel emotionally blackmailed there.

But I’ve got to put my body first. The travelling expenses are hell as well. I have people in my life but nobody really to share my life with as they have their own families. I’m on my own like Homealone Tessa. I understood her so well. Its all very well having professional support but it’s not the same thing as family and friends. That personal, non professional support is what I need. Like Tessa I’m afraid of dying all on my own.  Can I ask anyone here... what would you do if you are suddenly told 5 months to live, mother taken by social services and the police and then facing being homeless on the streets with cancer? My suicide attempt wasn’t so much a mental thing but the prospect of a homeless life on the streets dying of cancer. So I made the choice of the attempt because I’m not fit for a homeless life. People like the hospice and my GP say they will be with me when the time comes. But that just people doing a professional support and not people like family. Lots of people here are lucky to have their family.