Sorry but I'm having a bad day and I just need to let it out. Â I woke up feeling like I've had no sleep and really down. Â Mum's been bad this week - a lot of pain and, I think, sliding into depression - so I'm in overdrive on worrying about her. Â My sister is with her today so I don't need to go round to see mum although I probably will drop round later. Â I thought I would throw myself into cleaning the house so make myself busy and then I'd start to feel better. Â My fatal mistake was asking my 18 year old daughter to help. Â She had a major strop. Â I tried to keep calm as I realise that she is worrying about my mum too but it was hard. Â I tried to talk to her but she just got worse and worse so I gave up. Â Then my husband made sarcastic comments about it all - again he is worrying and his mum is also not well - so I am still trying to keep a lid on it. Â But I feel even worse now. Â I'm now sitting on the sofa in my pyjama's watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy without the will to do anything else. Â I just keep crying and feel so very very sad.Â
Ps all. Notifications flooding in. May be there was a bottleneckÂ
Mum had a fall. She's ok but major panic. I rang her this morning as she hadn't replied to my text and the carer answered telling me mum had fallen, they found her when they came in and had called an ambulance. I could hear mum in the background groaning and shouting. She could have been there for hours. She'd also been very sick, but had managed to turn her head. I rang my sister who went straight there. The ambulance took two hours to arrive! My poor mum was lying on the bathroom floor for hours. It takes me an hour and 45 minutes to get home and the ambulance had only just arrived when I got to mum's. Then the GP turned up. They checked mum out but she's only grazed her arm and her hand and wrist are bruised. I'm amazed that she didn't break anything. The carers came back and cleaned her up and washed her hair. She slipped on the floor in the hallway and fell back into the bathroom, landing on her back. She must have only just missed the corner of the bath.
So bloody scary but I don't need to tell you, you all know what it's like.
The hospice are sending us a carer to sit with mum through the night tonight from 10pm to 7am. They can't do it every night. Don't know what we're going to do. Well I do know. It means that I'll have to stay round there because I can't see the others putting theirselves out to stay.
The only good thing about it is that mum has agreed to use the commode.
It's times like this I wish I drank alcohol.
Hope you are all ok.
Hugs. X
Elenium
Just catching up on all your posts.Â
Sue...just a big hug....you're not maudlin. ..you're grieving. ..jxxx
Elenium it's scary...been there before with Mum falling. Â A miracle your Mum managed to miss hitting something on the way down. Â Being there for them when scared yourself is hard.
Maisiemae how horrible for you and your Mum. Her hearing what you said is very moving to read. Â This up and down of condition is not how I thought things would be. Â One day hand in hand with death...the next day eating and talking... Â a heart stopping moment for you too.
My Mum was so bad Tuesday I thought the end was in sight. Then Dad too. Â I was a bit beyond any normal mental capacity by Thursday...
Today she's chatty eating and just about walked to loo. Â The consultant who suggested the DNR popped his head in when I wasn't there mum said "I don't want to talk to you any more" so junior doc had to come...VERY AMUSING...guess that's a no then.
She's just a little bit manic... as though too many espresso's. Â Also shaking like she has parkinsons. Â They're worried about her lungs given nebuliser and this may be making her shake. Â Maybe they make her hyper too.
Generally much better. May be out by Wednesday. .I'm scared about getting her up stairs at home. She's tried four steps at hospital. At least sister around as it's Christmas.Â
I hope to not go to hospital tomorrow. Â Sis said she'd go. So I'll be out without wheelchair and go to shops do banking for parents without rushing back!!!
Much love.
Jx
My aunt visited my Mum yesterday!
Said she wasn't as bad as she thought after my text to her saying "visit her today don't wait!"
Am now drama queen I guess....but she didn't see Mum Tuesday - Saturday...I did!
Jx
Im behind. I love the gestures of unexpected love gifts. Very special Sue. X
Oh how visitors take one scene from a film instead of seeing the full picture. I too am the 'drama queen' as i say it as it is. Apparently not what family want. Should i offer them a nice Christmas version of whats happening. I will be haunted by yesterdays events. Today i went into a church and sobbed and sobbed. Im not religious but found safety in there to be distraught. Ive so little support from family. They are all doing their thing. Im lost as to how they can do it. Its a double pain x
Know how you feel maisiemae, the family call in "when they can" between work or Christmas shopping trips or social events!! You get up make them tea and coffee then they get the sugar coated view of what's going on then leave , feel like screaming at them at the moment. We had our special day then people come back in saying how they are wound up about Christmas and don't have time to do everything they need to!!I BEG YOUR PARDON?YOU DONT HAVE TIME!! I don't think I will ever be surprised at a person ever again in my life .Â
Another difficult night for my wife sadly,the mobility issues are intensifying and also there is a touch of confusion,last evening she wanted to stand in the porch to get a breath of fresh air but when stood there became distressed as she had actually needed the loo and stood and wet herself then has been incontinent in the night which is hugely distressing for her . All clean dry fresh PJs and on the sofa now , ready for the "concerned family visitors " .apologies for my sarcastic tone but some will know exactly what I meanÂ
Morning all,
Families are so crap, aren't they? Â My brother had to help mum with the commode yesterday. Â I think it shocked him and made him realise just how bad mum is. Â He rang me but I couldn't get back there in time, so he had to do it. Â It wasn't pleasant for either of them but he now has a new perspective. Â Had quite a chat with him about how I think that mum doesn't let on about how bad the pain is when him and other brother there (she didn't care yesterday) and he agreed. Â So a bit of an eye opener for him then. Â Perhaps he can enlighten other brother, but I'm not holding my breath.
I think, like the rest of you, they all think that I'm a drama queen. I see all the bad stuff, all the horrible pain, the tears and the depression and they don't.
I am currently on my way back home - didn't even get to work - as carer rang to say mum's wrist is really bad and thinks it needs an xray, mum is also very flushed and hot. She's been having doses of morphine all through the night but hasn't even touched the pain. Â Woke my sister up to get round there. Â She's going to ring an ambulance. Although I've still got another 20 mins or so to get back I don't suppose the ambulance will be there anytime soon. Â If it took them over two hours when she'd had a fall and was lying on the floor it could take all day for them to come about her wrist.
Yantibee I completely get your sarcastic tone. Â I feel like that's my permanent way of speaking these days... Â Hope your wife is a bit more settled now.
Maisiemae, how are you and mum? Â This rollercoaster really is shit, isn't it?
Jenny, Hope you manage to get everything done you need to and you and mum and dad are ok.
Sue, hope you are ok.Â
Sending you all great big hugs (including mums, dad and wife) XXX
Elenium
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