Having a bad day

Me too Maisiemae. 

My Mum is chatting today so has improved a bit.  

Dad bad so checking on both of them at hospital now jx

Mum's not so good today.  She did manage to get out of bed but not for long.  She only ate a bit of her dinner.  She keeps getting dizzy and she's falling asleep all the time.  She is getting worse and it scares me.

I asked my eldest sister outright what she was doing Christmas.  She said she was coming Christmas eve, which is what she does every year, although she does sometimes come Boxing day too.  Still no word from my other brother.

I read an article in the paper today.  It was written by a psychiatrist who says:

I used to work in palliative care and have seen a a lot of people die.  I have never heard someone, on their deathbed, saying that they wished they earned more money, or that they wish they'd had the latest iPhone.  But I have heard a lot of people say in their dying days that they wish they'd spent more time with their family.  

It was quite a bit longer than that but I just thought that bit was very apt for us.  I feel like sending it to my family.  Don't suppose it would make any difference though...

My dear E&J - against the odds im now sitting with mum having given her a little chocolate eclair and lots of love - she is a different woman from yesterday mentally. She has eaten some mini meals today and stroked the dogs and cuddled my partner and she is back as mum again. Crikey dont want to be the girl who cried wolf and thats just how the crisis was yesterday and last night. We are back to a more even keel. I didnt overreact its just how it was yesterday. Mums read her Salvationist mags and there is an article in there written by Desmond Tutu ( he lived near us and his daughter and i were, and still are, friends), he says that he supports the right to die in the uk and believes palliative care should be better than it is now (although not here he has been very poorly think with prostrate cancer) and mum really wants to advocate his stance and belief of this movement). But.... I asked mum last night, IF there was a tablet to take to end her suffering/life, would she take it, a big YES. Today she said NO.  Look im not religious, i agree with the right to end suffering but being so involved with mum it worries me.  Im waffling or think out loud. Elenium and Jenny, may your mums (and pop) be stable today. Thankyou for your support  I thought it was the end as in really the end. It wasnt. Although its  not far away i cldnt be here without you. Mum cupped my face last night and told me she loved me and that im her angel and she wouldnt be alive if it wasnt for me... I cried... Love to all and for a special family its christmas eve tonight xxx

Oh Maisiemae I'm so pleased.  I was worried for you. 

I often think that in mum's place I would already have taken every tablet in the house but that wouldn't even occur to my mum.  They're so strong.  I just hope that we can be as strong as them.

Unfortunately, I don't suppose this will be the last time that any of us have these moments but knowing that you are all there certainly helps me.

Hugs to all. X

Maybe not them, but it might help you feel better Elenium xxx

Yeah, it might. I don't know if I'm quite ready to push that button yet though.  I am really angry with them but am still trying not to fall out completely with them, for mum's sake.  Mum's not stupid, she knows that something is not right but we don't talk about it.  I know that once this horrible journey is over I'm unlikely to see my brothers again. I'm struggling a bit with my sister but more because I think she should tell her husband where to go.  But she's not going to do that and that's her decision and it's none of my business, but it makes it very hard.

Bofore all this I would have said that I come from a close family, now not so much.  I'm shocked by their behaviour.  I don't know why they are being like this and I will never understand how they can be like this.  When mum told me my brother wasn't coming for Christmas I could see that she was hurt by it.  Her eyes filled up but she didn't say anything.  I don't understand why they can't see how much they hurt mum by their actions.

Aargh, they do my head in!!

Sue, Maisiemae and Jenny I hope you are all ok.

Hugs to all.  X

Brief post as late.  Dad was bad today and A&E mentioned but he's home OK again. 

Mum ate a meal on ward. She cried as girl opposite was weeping.  Not for herself but for the girl. Temperature down may have catheter removed and go on to oral ani biotic. 

I hope to have day off tomorrow as there 5 hours today.

Will read your posts properly then. Maisiemae your mum's a tough one. ..love her.

My aunt couldn't visit as putting her tree up.   I told her I said to mum she'd visit Sunday. ..

Hugs.

Jx

Hello Jenny. Hope you had a good sleep. Sounds as if mum has made some progress. Good. Dad hopefully will settle. You really do have a Huge amount on your shoulders. The Aunt, lives locally i think i recall. Id offer to collect her and leave her visiting... Oh how can these people switch off, how can folk go through this and not have here? X

Morning Elenium.  No idea if BBs (bad brothers) live close? Even if it was just xmas breakfast then home is surely a compromise, and, WS (weak sister) clearly is controlled by husband, does that suit her? Ive not held back from what i want to say any more. Otherwise im colluding with them. Not sure its made things better other than i feel better. Holding things in festers. We do everything to try and please our mums but siblings is a tough one to make happen. Mum now asks sister when to come. Ie New Year. We shall see xxx

Sue, how are you? X