We are no longer "men"

It is worth living.  Life is not only about sexual intimacy.  I had double mastectomies and chose not to have breast reconstruction.   I thought I was no longer attractive till I met someone who had good health and everything going good for them except no one loves them because they are very unkind and nasty to people.  They are so lonely and wish they had someone just to talk to.  I reflected on my life and now I am grateful for the little things in life - surviving cancer, exercising, family, friends, life, air, water, food, sight, smell, taste, and so on and hardly think of sex

I’m a woman and I still am, despite having my vagina removed, so I can’t ever have penetrative sex again.

Was it worth the cost? Yes, it most definitely was because otherwise I wouldn’t still be here. Is sex more important than life? Luckily not in my world. I have seen other women die because they couldn’t bear never to have sex again.

I’m not dead…I’m very much alive! But I don’t equate sex with being a woman-for me it is very much more than that. Interesting to see how the different sexes perceive this. 

Sarah xx

I just wanted to say that I really hear you, this is how you feel and I think it is crucial to give yourself space to grief the loss of what you perceive to be what makes you men. It may help to seek counselling to explore this and to give yourself some time to grief with the hope that you don't drown in despair and can find things your are grateful for, but for now, maybe you just need to experience what it is you are feeling and I am sorry that your partner cannot support you. You have the right to cry and I believe it makes you human. I hope tomorrow brings you some peace.

I am just done with this. At 74 years old and after two divorces - both for their infidelity, and a long partnership which is seemingly 'dead' - I no longer care about me or my life.. I'm worthless. My youngest son is not 'mine' (we still don't know who his father is), my eldest son who died from pancreatic cancer was mine, and my last ex-wife also a cancer 'statistic'  (unfortunately not mourned by me for what she did to me and my 'family'..

I don't have any love in my life - I know that some women don't particularly value 'sex' as an intimate part of their lives - but most men do! The lack of any intimacy has finally broken me

I don't want another sexual partner. I don't CARE any more.

You have highlighted the difference between men and women. I'm not some juvenile - I'm 74 years old, and the 'glue' to my/our relationships was the closeness of sex - it's gone!!! Both my colleague and I realise this, and we're both in shock, and regretful, of where we are...

My partner may be finding this type of relationship elsewhere - I can't be sure but ALL the 'red flags' are there, and all I can see is , yet another, failed relationship - but my last!!!

What's life without 'love'? It's not something I want to pursue...

Lucky you! I'm not from the same 'mold' as you, requiring love, intimacy and contact - none of which I, or my colleague are currently receiving..

I'm pleased for you SarahH21. You plainly don't know of the sexual element of male bonding with a partner. What is life, if not sexual bonding? I've only had three "sexual" partners in my life (now 74 years old) - two with cheating partners, and the longest with my current 'partner' of 34 years, who no longer carers for me. She is looking elsewhere for SEX, but says it's what SHE wants, nothing to do with me...

I know I'm angry, I know I'll never see my "partner' as a partner ever again  - she's seeking sexual benefits elsewhere and I NO LONGER CARE - I'm BROKEN!!!

Hi AndyK, 

I'm Dylan and I work in the Online Community team. I just came across your post now. Im sorry to read of the grief you are experiencing. 

We published a blog last month that covers various conversations that have taken place in the prostate cancer forum around erection dysfunction and sexual intimacy. An interesting point made was around creativity in the bedroom as members had pointed out that they were still able to be sexually intimate despite the fact that their partner could not get erect. I know it has been helpful for some other members and I thought it would be worth sharing here. You can read the blog by clicking here. 

You may also benefit from reading what some of our experts have written in “cancer and your sex life". I know that Prostate Cancer UK also offers a sexual support service where they can offer information and support about the impact of treatment on a person’s sexual activity.

I really hope you can find some support as you navigate all of this.

Take care,
Dylan