We are no longer "men"

Yes i am in the same boat had my operation 5 years ago  and now have colitis , erectile dysfunction , a stinking noisey stoma bag for the rest of my life , a hernia , horrific scaring and a DVT .  I am very bitter about the neglect I have experience from the hospital etc and yes there's not much point to being alive , I feel worthless and ugly . And all i get from the hospital is to see the surgeon once a year for 5 mins , a bit of sympathy and an appointment for 12 months time .  

I'm so sorry Longfellow. My major issue at the moment is that my 'son' of 40 years old is not mine... recently discovered through DNA testing. I love my son, particularly as he's my only 'family' that is left as my wife and eldest son both died of cancers - but he now wants to know who his 'father' is - and I can't help, as I haven't got a clue. I should have realised the night he was born, when the ex-wife demanded that I be excluded from the delivery room, followed by exclusion from the delivery ward for the following two days. On the third day, following his delivery, I was allowed to visit my wife and our 'son', only to be rebuffed by her (explained by her 'depression') but later explained by the nursing staff who explained that I was not her husband and another man had been phoned to attend the delivery and had stayed with her overnight and through the day following the childs delivery.

I thought I was over the mess I lived with for a further 9 years, before agreeing to her demands for a divorce because I was a totally inadequate husband - I had only stayed for my children. No love, sex or interaction whatsoever... Finally divorced and have now been with my current partner for 35 years, but the last 12 years have been loveless and my newly discovered non son demanding answers...

I'm a mess, but why bother to try to work through it? I've not got the will to live any more and what happens happens...

Good luck to you - hope it's better than my experience..

SarahH21, I'm not sure how to react to your post. Yes, I love life, but there is no meaning to my life any more. I'm so alone that it doesn't matter any more. I can't answer the questions that my surviving son has asked of me and I feel totally bereft... Sorry I cannot be more positive.

Thank you B4. I've taken time to grieve, but have to admit that it hasn't helped. I'm still with my partner of nearly 35 years but lying together in bed with no intimacy is so hard and not getting any easier.... She does her own thing and comes home happy, but that just makes my life so much harder...

Hey there lovely.....jeeeeze you are in a dark place right now.  Last time I checked, you could have the treatment and have a life, but if you didn't, you'd probably be dead...hence, no longer a man.  We are sexual beings, it is our prime drive. We are surrounded by sex in the media, in nature, everywhere...but...let me let you into a secret...providing you are willing to adapt? You can still be a really good lover.  I am not going to go too deep into this as anyone with a brain can know where I am going.  Also, being a man is far, far more to your partner than just  penetrative sex. Its about all the other things you do, I mean, I assume you are more than just a walking, talking toy?  As a woman, I want a man who wants to share experiences with me, listen to me, hold me and laugh with me. Share interests with me, be silly with me, dance and take on the world as a team. He can be vulnerable, scared, and trust that I will support him in those times. There is more to being a man, so much more. I hope you and your friend can look back on these responses and find some comfort in them.

Sound as a pound for your hearty courage. The last line is poetic indeed