Hello,
This is my first time posting on an open forum and I very much hate that it happens to be with Macmillan (insult only meant towards the situation I'm in and not to the great charity and its people).
I'm 27 - soon to turn 28 - and my whole adult seems to have been plagued by tragedy, leaving me feeling like the unluckiest girl in the world.
I know this platform is full of people who are fighting their own battles but, as my bank balance currently prevents further therapy, please indulge me for this post.
My (half)brother passed away unexpectedly from an accidental overdose nine years ago which resulted in a lot of complex family drama and was the beginning of the end of our family dynamic. Last year, my eldest (half)brother took his own life in August and, despite us not being in contact for a number of years, it was an incredible blow to myself and my parents. I have been trying to navigate grief, estrangement and all the complexities that brings by itself, as well as trying to create any joy in my twenties. One of those attempts is a 3-week long solo holiday to Australia to celebrate my 28th.
However, and the reasoning behind my being on Macmillan, my beloved dad has recently been diagnosed with primary liver cancer. We are currently awaiting the results to determine its staging, but I can't help already grieve the loss of the most important person in my life. We have been through so much together and no one understands me like he does. As an older father, I knew that there was a strong probability of losing him earlier on in my life but, with everything else that has happened and the loss of nearly all the protective male figures in my life, I just don't know how I'm going to get through this one. He is my whole world.
I have lost a close auntie to cancer and its far from the first time that its hit my family (with my dad's brother currently not very well at all), but this is the first time its hit me so directly. I also thought that I was an expert in dealing with grief after losing my brothers but this one has really spun me out - and we don't even know the prognosis yet!
I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this post was other than to vent but, if you also feel like the room is burning around you whilst you're buckled into the chair, feel free to drop a message. As macabre as it sounds, hearing and relating to other people's turmoil seems to be one of the only things that allows me to breathe for a moment so, if nothing else, I hope the ****storm of my life offers you a brief respite from yours.
Additionally, if anyone knows of any further online or London-based support groups, please let me know :)
(Please disregard any spelling errors, I'm typing too quick to care)
