First wedding anniversary

So very sorry to hear this Laura the sheer  cruelty  of this disease still takes my breath away even now . You have done the right thing coming on this wonderful carers group. We all help each other I kind of think if us as friends in another room we know we are there but just out of sight .We all feel broken at times and its perfectly normal sometimes you just shut down to preserve yourself from any more horror .Screaming crying swearing all helps .Then somehow you pick yourself up and taking one day at a time you just go on .Please unburden yourself on here any time we all stand beside you take care keep posting lots of hugs xx

Tinsel 1010 - I hear how difficult things are, and having read your profile we have some similarities in our situations. There are very few words of comfort and I can also read the uncertainty of not knowing what is ahead.  My partner is less outgoing than I am, he says more discerning, but I was upfront in our relationship before cancer saying that I cant be the only egg in his basket, and I need to know that he has other people, and so do I. 

Making time and putting in energy to having and maintaining and building new friendships has always been important to me. I have no children and no  blood relatives other than the mother with dementia, the brother with paranoid schizophrenia and the other brother who is only in contact via the police every 8 years or so. This  means that I am aware that my sources of support are friends and people I know through other outlets (like you - not work).  This is not easy and there are time recently when the last thing I want is to meet up with people.   I do hope that the friends you have around you are being helpful and supportive. 

I also know that there is a limit to the amount of comfort I can seek from my partner and friends: -  he is dying and has a job on facing this, and friends can get a bit fatigued by too much cancer talk.

I do find this forum really useful - having people that can share and listen, and also I don't feel I am burdening them as much as my friend - people here can just click and move on. I have found that having people here has helped me be a better friend or acquaintance to others around me - and have somewhere to put my anxieties. 

I wish you well today, tomorrow and the day after and after - 

Granny sue

Such kind wise words my dear thank you 

My husband is almost blissfully unaware of the severity of this as he's had surgery before and doesn't realise it's different this time.  So he doesn't understand my sorrow and terror so I have to pretend for him. I'm a medical professional which doesn't help one bit as I know too much and see even more of this every day. 

I'm so scared of looking him his cancer is a sneaky one as Mets are more likely late on and can move even with clear lymph nodes

I can't even enjoy anything and have a knot in my stomach all the time 

I'm living my nightmare and so tearful.

I don't know your story sweetheart but thank you for your kindness

NellieJ

What a wonderful person you sound 

And yes many similarities...between us I too have an elderly mum with dementia and a sister who is the centre of her own universe who fails to appreciate that other have burdens to carry. So I'm very much alone. 

I wish I could be more like you I truly do..... I'm a bright intelligent happy professional and I get on with everyone at work yet on the inside I'm shy and don't mix easily and don't socialize at all as I don't enjoy it much,  my husband is the same and were each other's world..... 

That's what makes this my living he'll at the thought of not having my save little haven to come home to

Xxx

Oh Tinsel1010 my heart goes out to you.

Please don't feel so alone as we carers on this forum are all with you and supporting you even if it is from afar and in typed messages.

You may feel like a little ship bobbing out from your safe haven but we are the flotilla of little ships coming along side to support. Its not my partner I'm caring for but my mum and its after 4 in the morning because mums having a bad night with her breathing so, im up and in tears watching her struggle. So night or day one of us will be thinking of you and sending out love and support to you. You're stronger than you realise and the love you have for your husband will be the thing to hold on to xx

Tinsel 1010 ,  I  hope today goes as good as it can. I feel it must be so hard having medical knowledge and how hard it must be to keep terror under control.  To have your feelings of safety and security threatened are really tough.   Hope you can stick with it , your partner and that we can bob alongside you. I love the boat analogy and hope that you have a few mooring ropes to hand. 

NellieJ

Lovely analogy indeed..... Right now it feels like I'm on the shore of a lonely island and he is driving out to sea. 

Terror is a cruel companion but unfortunately he gives me glimpses of what my future holds and it's not a bad dream but what's really happening. 

If only I were the life and soul of the party with endless social situations that I relished ( which I don't). To dive into ....But as quiet private people ( make sound old and ancient were found and bright ) we don't enjoy large gatherings and that makes this so so difficult for me as he's my sun and I'm his little orbit..... ( I don't tell him this much as were not soppy ) but I'm very soft hearted and private and makes this a lonely lonely road .... You are the type of person I'd love to be xx