Why does my husband go distant

Hi Malengwa, 

thank you for asking- each day is different but I’ve been concentrating on doing small things that make me feel better without feeling guilty. Having a conversation with one of my sons helps so much and gives me the boost I need to keep going.

I have accepted that my husband isn’t able to give me the love and support at the moment (or ever), and I am doing my best to give him what he needs. I know he is suffering a great deal.

How are you? 

Hi Laura, you are describing what seems to be common for this cancer journey. That pushing away is so painful when all you want is to support them. Your partner is experiencing a traumatic treatment that just drains him. Try and get support for yourself - here, cancer support groups, friends and family. 
I am very sorry that you are struggling, it really is so painful 

Hi Thank you - it is hard when they dont talk or dont want to - no energy and I supress my feelings to let them see that I am coping when I am not inside. i would be there 24/7 if they needed but they dont want - makes me sad for me, him and our relationship. I am so worried that this is going to push us to breaking point. 

Hi, I too have suppressed my feelings but I will tell you what helped me, and this is advice from medical professionals especially the MacMillan helpline. Cancer is not an excuse for bad behaviour. It’s ok to say or write about how you’re feeling. You would be conscious of his feelings and how tired/stressed he is and do it compassionately, but it is ok to say that you’re not ok. 
Hang in there, because he will need you 

Hi Lizzie/Malengwa

I'm realising my posts have nothing to do with the title of this thread any more, but I'll stick with it now I've got you! I might eventually start a new one about my experiences in the coming days. I hope you're both OK - do keep in touch. 

So, just a quick update - Mum's still in hospital, supposedly having a blood transfusion today. I shall visit again tonight: the unit is not the most comfortable of places for her but needs must. She was very frail last night and still barely eating. 

We've discussed a nursing home and, for the first time, she's more than accepting of the idea - Wednesday's experience has totally shattered her illusions of strength and independence. She doesn't want to go through anything like it again.

I'm off looking at care homes tomorrow. I'm just hoping the hospital don't try to discharge her before I have something in place. Nobody at the hospital is giving me any direction/advice on this but I need to feel I'm taking action and responsibility. (That constant search for 'solutions' we've discussed, Malengwa). The funding - if any is available to me - looks to be an absolute nightmare to navigate but that's not priority at the moment. 

I honestly thought there would be periods of calm amidst all this - instead changes seem to happen at a dramatic pace and I lose control again. Sigh. 

Thank you x 

Hi i totally understand how you feel .my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor glioblastoma grade 4 end of september and had his operation 2 week later .I feel like im living with a friend now not my husband. It is really hard and heartbreaking when we are sat like strangers at home not talking no longer getting excited about booking holidays abroad  etc and enjoying our life together .my husband is very distant now he goes into his own little world now and forgets im there. I have gone from a wife to what feels like a full time carer and it is so hard to come to terms with our lives now .I try to arrange outings family get togethers but most of the time he has no interest and just wants to be at home sat in the living room .I understand its the disease and not him but i dont know what to do any more Tomorrow is another day.stay strong .

Bless you it’s so hard. We are mates as well. I miss hugs and being a girlfriend. I understand about being sat there together but alone. Normally opposite ends of the sofa. Even at times now sleep separate. I so hate cancer it is ruining everything. My partner has pancreatic cancer only in his 50’s. Lots of love to you lovely, stay strong. 

Hi I could have written this post. My husband and I have been married for 45 years. He is the kindest most caring man I know but that person has gone. I’m so angry with this disease I know that sounds stupid but I’m very suddenly so alone. I’ve just discovered this forum as it’s something I can do from home with like minded people. He doesn’t want to talk and as a result we are mostly silent which was never us. I’m on the verge of tears all day but am trying to pretend I’m strong when I’m struggling so much. I’m happy to chat anytime.