Husband Terminal Lung Cancer - is it normal to feel frustrated?

Hi Bidso

Im sorry you are going through this.

Im not sure there is normal with a terminal cancer diagnosus. My husband had a rare but very aggressive sarcoma which spread to lungs, liver etc and he struggled with eating. Like your husband, he wanted something, then would eat a mouthful or 2. Do speak to his care team, as they might get a dietician to speak to you. My husband was on those drinks towards the end but he wasnt keen on those either. Yes its frusteating but you can only do your best. Sometimes making tiny portions can help, like child size portions which dont look so big on the plate.

Hi 

Thanks for replying 

Yes I am planning on doing just that with future meals. My husband has lung, liver and kidney cancer. He is on immunotherapy only and has had 2 cycles. It so sad watching him fade away in front of me. He has been prescribed the drinks but doesn't like them. I will just try and make him comfortable. Thanks again 

Your story is familiar Bidso 

I also make the effort to make the meals for my man. I've had practice but still can't get it right every time

. So my work lunch can be random leftovers. 

Sometimes you have to settle for random food combos. Getting food in is the priority for us. I'm married To a skelfe. . 

Smoothies, milk shakes and soups get nutrition, calories and fluid in which does reduce appetite while sustaining the body nicely.   

The chemo will change his taste buds and what he used to enjoy won't taste the same. It will be frustrating for you both. 

Frustration I guess is normal. I get mad, angry and it's not fair. My man is good and it's not fair that he won't see his grandson grow up. Make retirement. 

But somehow he accepts it. I struggle. I guess we have to make our own path 

It's all so sad for us left behind and for them going through it. I don't know how long we have left together. My husband worked right up to diagnosis then retired so even that is painful for him. Thank you for taking time to talk to me xx

Talking is so importsnt. It helps you feel les alone. Please do get whatever support you can, our hospice were great.

Easier said than done, but a tiny bit of time for you is really important too. For me it was choir.

Hugs to you on this rubbish path. X

Hi Bidso (f8b93197b14842b6bf62b0ac5c31ffc5), sorry to hear your frustration.

Yes, frustration is normal.

Yes, appetite changes are normal.

Normal will be whatever is happening at the time, though; things will shift and change, which can increase frustration.

I found it useful to talk specifically about this with them. We voiced that we understand we will be upset, frustrated, angry, annoyed, etc., and that it comes with the territory. We agreed that we were allowed to voice our feelings - but not take things as personally as we used to (or still do, of course - but this agreement was about acknowledging the change).

We also agreed on a 'safe word', so that if it was getting too much for one person, they could indicate that, and we were allowed to 'take a time out' or pause in the discussion.

'It' can be a lot. 'It' can be ok. When it is a lot, it's important to recognise it and look after yourself first. The same way that the airlines tell you to put your mask on before you help others, you have to take care of yourself, too. You have to shift into the situation as it is now - or as it is later today - then as it is tomorrow. Things will change, and then that can add to the feelings of frustration.

I found that there was a benefit in taking time out to do some things that I love. Crafts, reading, whatever it was, it was allowed. (We often think that if we're not totally focused on the person, then it's not allowed. It is allowed!)

I think there is also a forum chat about appetite and food suggestions. Do you want to have a look at it?

There is no normal im afraid. My husband does the same thing. He says nothing tastes the same and he's gone from hearty meals to a few mouthfuls. Puddings are his joy as they go down reasonably quickly. I am adapting my life to his which can be frustrating and extremely tiring and lonely. He's been in hospital for 3 weeks with heart problems if having cancer isn't enough. He is thankful for things I do but is becoming more short tempered which I understand but find hard to come with. He is angry to be dying earlier. Its like being on an emotional roller coaster.  My health must be so frustrating for him.

Hospital visiting is very very demanding but I do dread him coming home which sounds selfish but the future is very bleak x

This sounds very much like my dad too. He has cancer in his kidney, lung and lymph nodes. He’s lost 45kg since this started and doesn’t have an appetite :( 

completely agree about watching them fade away x