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Jenny that sounds very tough. I’m caring for my mum who has terminal lung cancer. It’s very hard to accept that there is no treatment.. we are so used to medicine and doctors being able to sort us out so it’s not usual. 
my heart goes out to you 

Hi bonni

The first time we were more positive because they got rid of the cancer but this time round it's not curable and that's what upsets me most as I don't know how long we will have together, we had so many plans , 

How are you coping looking after your mom , that must be hard as well x

We have great Rennie Grove Hospice carers coming in every day but I feel very lost- my mum and I are so close and I can’t imagine my life without her tbh.

it must be doubly hard with your husband having beaten cancer once… to have to face it again. 

I don’t know the answer to any of this other than life can be so so tough and we have to appreciate the tiny joyful things 

It's very tough , people don't know what to say to you and I find I cope on my own but family are there to help but what can they do really 

Sending hugs to you and your mom x

And to you and your husband Jenny. I hope his immunotherapy goes well x I’m sending positivity your way x 

Hi JenBob (86fec0bc5a5d48158ef6e80d2ca7605e), so sorry to hear x

Yes, you can be supportive of your husband - but that doesn't mean you have to always have a smile on your face.

We're allowed to be sad. Angry. Annoyed. Upset.

Cry.

We're allowed all of this because none of it was in our plan. We're allowed to be any of this - or none of this - at any point in the day, or hour, or minute. It can or will be all or nothing at any point.

What can add value is sharing all of that with each other. Talking about it together can make a difference. Too often, men want to ignore the issue (I'm only saying this from my experience and what research has shown). Too often, we all want to bury our heads in the sand, as it's too much. What can help is talking about it head-on. Telling each other, 'I feel XXX today' and 'I'm worried about XXX, how do you feel about it?'

I hope you continue to talk and share on here. We're all here for you x

Thank you 

Hi Arlandria

Thank you for your reply it's appreciated 

What you've written is so true and although I do want to talk about things to family and friends I don't want to be a burden to them although they would all tell me not to be so silly 

I will indeed continue to talk on here I think it will become my safe space to let out things I can't share with others xx

Aw, good JenBob. I do hope that you will start to share with others at some point though... we all say 'I don't want to be burden' - then we whinge when others don't talk to us about their stuff 

For now though, please keep talking. You have to let it out somewhere.

Sorry, I never want to sound like I'm lecturing anyone - I only say it because I've seen and done it lots. I'm now in a place where I will talk to people, because we're all exactly that - people.

We all experience things differently, but essentially, we want contact with those we care about or feel we can talk to (for me, it's in small bursts because of my neurodiversity, and I have limited emotional and physical energy).

We also need to invent an alert or buzzer that goes off whenever we even think 'I don't want to be a burden'. Yes, there is time for sharing and a time for not - but no sharing at all means that people might be scared of talking to you about it too. We're generally rubbish at talking about these things, but as long as you go into it with the attitude, "There is no right or wrong way to do this", then it makes it easier.

That can even be the opening statement. I've found it works for me, and I've asked others to try it. Start with, "I'd like to talk to you about XXX, and we all know that we always worry about saying the wrong thing, but let's talk with the understanding that there is no right or wrong way to do it".

Now I feel like I've wandered into lecture territory again - but it is genuine and heartfelt (from lots of experience at home, at work and volunteering).

It's something to think about anyway. It's all about when you feel able to share and with whom.

You do you x

You make a lot of sense and I don't think you are lecturing