Can't cope

Hey Binijac 

Definitely, less time to overthink and dwell. Yeah exactly, I think my boss will be okay with it as long as the WiFi connection is strong enough.

Oh bloody hell, that sounds awful. Yeah I don't blame you at all, all of the waiting on results just feels like wasted time that we don't have.

The results were inconclusive from my mum's biopsies but they decided to give chemotherapy a try anyway so they will come up with a plan regardless.

xxx

Hey, it's best your mum is in hospital getting the right care then isn't it as long as she isn't in pain I think that's all that Matters doesn't it bless her I'm send u both love and cuddles both incredibly brave women you should be proud of your self for how strong you are. My mum is on the 12 hour one but it's a different morphine so the oramorph wasn't so good with my mother side affects wise so this is called short tec and long tec so she has twelve hour ones then one she can take in between through out the day. I seen on your other comment your mum's biopsy come back as inconclusive my mother's done that to that's why she's having another one tomorrow I'm really hoping this one doesn't do that as well. I hope you can work from the hospital that will help you loads but if u need it and can afford it you are definitely entitled to sick time for your mum and your own well being it's so hard and looking after your self right now is the last thing you probably do. If u need to chat I'm here and I'm always thinking about you and thinking how amazingly brave you are right now xx 

Hey Reeb & darling34 

How you both tidsy?  How yours mums today?   Today ww found out the pelvic mets are indeed related to the lung lesion and not breast tissue from the previous cancer.  It looks like it’s already spread to her spine too. .   Seen the lung doc who gave some information about targeted treatment option/clinical trial but has given us an appt to see medical oncologist on Thursday who is going to go over things in much more detail.  We have a 1 hour appt.    We weren’t in long with her but she had said to mum you have stage 4 cancer (which I knew and I thot she did too) however we left the clinic she said to me it’s not looking good..  she said it’s feels so much more real to her and we got home and we  just cried.  When we sat in the waiting room to go in I honestly thought my heart was going burst through my chest.    I hate was this evil disease is doing to us all.   I have so much anger tonite.   I can’t eat and I feel I can’t even swallow properly.    I just want to run away but I won’t as she needs me.  I have never felt as sad in my life.   Thanks  for listening.     Love to you both. 

Hey I'm so sorry that it was not a better out come I remember that feeling it's awful I fell to my knees and could breath when we had the appointment and for days after I couldn't breath take it step by step the pain does get better at controling when u fully process it it's the worst thing in the world that appointment. See what treatment options the other doctors say is your mum well enough for treatment if they are saying clinical trails  assuming they think she is well enough u need to ask the question I think if she has treatment how long on average does it give her more because like with my mum for the little she would gain it would be spent I'll and she didn't want that so it's something to think about because I know your brain right now won't think about these questions to ask because it just won't go in at the moment I had total brain fog with it all. But tonight is just about processing it what ever way u both need to if that's cry all night do it it's such a awful situation and you have every right to be angry so angry right now. Sending u both lots of love and cuddles and support 

Yeah I know not the best today and now going back in there on Thursday.   Yeah I’m going have to look at things tomorrow and get some questions ready.    I have no idea about clinical trials at all.   It’s just all so scary.   My mum is being so brave I’m gutted this is happening to her I really am but gutted for anybody in this position.    You’re so right about brain fog my head is totally wasted just now.     Yeah it’s just more processing then prepare for Thursday.  I hope you are ok and your mum is ready for tomorrow.  Let me know how you get on.  Sending love & hugs 

Today is definitely up there with one of the hardest days of your life it really is I remember it like it was yesterday but you do process it and then you fight u go into fighting mode and you fight all the way for as long as you can. You mum is so brave I often think they are braver than us it shocks and amazes me at how the handle it I can only hope to be half as brave as my mother and I bet your the same makes me so proud of her. But try get some rest tonight try not to over think coz that's the worst take it one appointment at a time. Thank you hoping we get more answers this time doesn't feel real sometimes in my head this is actually happening but to have empathy for others in the situation makes u a special person I think because u could be bitter and nasty but to feel so shit and still have empathy for others is a very special person your mum will be so proud of the person she has raised and at the end of the day as a mother I think that's all you really will ever want to know x

Yeah  it sure was!  Didn’t sleep much plus I’m choked with the cold now  Anyhow it’s a new day and we will push on.   Aw thanks for your kind words it made me cry.   Your mum will also be so proud of everything you’re doing for her too . .  Thinking of you both today and will speak later.  Take care.  ️

Hey Darling34 

Yeah feel like it is the best place, just comes with a lot of guilt. Thank you lovely, she's definitely braver than I am, bless her, even when she's in pain she doesn't say anything you can just see it in her face.

Oh really, there are so many variations of a similar sort of medication aren't there, I'm glad they're found an alternative that is working for your mum. My mums meds were changed yesterday to Oxycodone in the driver and oral. She was in a lot of pain and really  uncomfortable yesterday, I had to call the nurses to keep repositioning her and for top up meds - hoping the pain was due to the change in meds and them taking time to get into her system.

Yeah, her bone biopsy and lung biopsy both came back inconclusive which I thought was strange but maybe it's not unusual. Sorry if you've said on another thread and I missed it but what biopsy is she having? Fingers crossed it comes back with results either way

I'm not sure what to do workwise, if my mum is plateauing then I don't want to take weeks and weeks off work because I can't afford to and also don't want to jeopardise my job - at the same time I'm useless when I am in work because my head is not in it at all. I've been wondering about speaking to the Doctor and maybe being signed off but I don't know how any of it works. 

Thank you so much, that is so lovely of you ️ 

Let's hope today is a brighter day for all of us xxx

Hey Binijac 

I'm so sorry to read that, it definitely brought back a lot of memories and I wish it was better news but you're both on the right track now to the best treatment options for your mum.

Take a pad and pen with you to the oncology appointment, there will be a lot of information and it can be overwhelming and you may forget a lot of it. If you don't manage to ask questions but manage to get information down, you can always call the oncologists secretary and ask for a call back from the oncologist to discuss your questions or to clarify things and get more information, I have done this many times.

 Darling34 made a good point about the treatment and adding more time... It's definitely worth weighing up if any treatment is worth it, is it going to make whatever time is left more comfortable or extend it? My mum has been offered radiotherapy and I'm against it (not my choice anyway) because for what time she has she would just be healing from that and I would rather she was just comfortable and pain free.

Crying is the best thing, you need to get it all out one way or another and make sure you are taking time for yourself and talking about it because you will be continuing to support your mum through this whirlwind and you need people to support you while you support your mum. 

Love and hugs to you both ️

Hi there that's what my mum is on oxycodone in tablets and medicine form they are good. Short and long tech is a short word for them. Hope your mum is more comfortable today. It's awful hard knowing what to do and the guild but you also need to do what is best for you and your mum will know what that. When my mum was first diagnosed I took three weeks sick leave I went to the doctor's who wrote me a not saying I will need three weeks leave first time iv ever done it before but I needed it I was no good to anyone I'm back in work now but have cut my shifts down to be there for my mum as well it's working so far but they know it's day by day and one day this will all change I have been honest with work and they have been great with me. My mum is having a second biopsy on her pancreas she had like a scrape one last time didn't work so now she is having a needle one to get fluid out to see what cancer it is is it pancreatic cancer that has spread or is it renal cancer that has spread from the kidney. She's in hospital now having it done so I really hope it works this time my brain needs answers for some reason not that I really want to go to one of those appointments again where they tell me nothing can be done but I can't settle with out knowing the facts. Sending u lots of love xx