Can't cope

That’s fab to hear your mum was at the bingo. My mum usually goes with her pal on a Thursday but was too sore tonight from the biopsy.    I have heard them say that a little portions are better than nothing so as you say whatever she wants.  I bought her a chocolate cake  today she never says no to a cake!      Oh your mind does play games it’s hard.   It takes over your life as it’s all that you think about.   I’m just finding I don’t really want to be in contact with anybody out with my immediate family just now as I don’t want to make arrangements as don’t want to be in social situations.  I feel I can’t think of smithing else but feel everyone is getting on with their lives i know this is what happens but I find it so hard.

Hi you are not alone there it's exactly how I feel I could have wrote that iv really struggled since the diagnosis to be around anyone other than my very close family and I can not go out or any where over crowded I start to panic and I think maybe it's the fact I don't want to do small talk and I definitely don't want someone to ask how I am or how my mum is. Hope you mum feels a little better today. How was the weather up with you after was it really bad we have had ice here but hardly any snow just cold and slippery. 

That’s it I can’t be bothered with the small talk and things like people talking about getting their summer holidays booked which I know is all normal stuff but I feel I can’t breathe sometimes I’m so panicked and can’t look ahead at all!!   I actually have had a bit of a melt down this morning and have been talking to a nurse on the help line who was brilliant but was also very honest too which you need but it’s so damn hard to hear too.   Everything is so blurry.     I was going to go out for some shopping today snd I feel I don’t even want to leave the house today but I know I have too.    I’m eating but not decent meals I feel I have no appetite and so I am eating junk  which has brought me out in spots so feeling like utter rubbish today.   Mum is ok tho which is the main thing.    We have a covering of snow but like it’s turned icy which is not good.  It’s so cold.    How are you both today?  I really hope you’re having a better day than me. 

• Hello, I'm ok today thank you I have counselling after but I'm not sure I want to go today there are some time when I feel I don't want to talk. What you are going through is completely normal I have been there some days I don't want to get out of bed I'm so emotionally and physically tired I want to sleep and cry all day those days are very hard but the only thing you can do is go with the day if u need to stay in and cry do it if u feel u can drag your self out the door so it. Be kind to your self today and do what ever it is you need to do. T he shopping can wait a day because tomorrow really is a new day you will get through this day I promise I can't promise there won't be more of these days but tomorrow is a new day I'm glad your speaking about it how you feel it's a good thing to reach out on those days that feel just to hard. I started a diary I have and some days I write I can't get out of bed today and then some days I write I'm ok today. Just some where to get my feeling out and maybe look back on the days I didn't think I could get through. I'm here to any time of day or night if u need a chat x

Thank you.  If you don’t feel like going tiday just do what suits you.  It’s a good idea keeping a diary I think I’m going to go and buy one.  I’ve still not moved yet but it’s a bright sunny day so I feel I maybe should get some fresh air as it might clear my head a bit.  Let me know how you get on today if you fo decide to go.   Thinking about you.   

Yeah get a little fresh air is always good for you. No rush to go out take the day as it comes. I'm not going today I don't want to talk today some days you just don't want to do you. I listened to music today the first time in 8 weeks I haven't been able to listen to music so I'm taking that as a positive for today x 

Hey well I did go out fir a wee while.  Well if you’re not up for it today you’re quite right.   Nothing worse going in there when you don’t want to.  It will be there fir you when you’re ready.   That’s good you listened to music. I love music but like you it took a while to play it I felt it was I don’t know maybe inappropriate to play it with everything that was going on.   I associate music with being happy and cheery but I wasn’t.  You must have felt the same.   Good that you done that today.  

Yeah music had memories and emotions doesn't it and I wasn't ready for that but today I was proud of my self for listening to music nothing sad a bit of cher that's all. I'm trying to take positive out of small things. I'm glad u got out for fresh air I hope it helped you a little bit tomorrow is a new day well done today u got through it hopefully tomorrow is better for you. 

Join the club.  My partner has been through two operations. Things started in the bowel and spread to peritoneum and rectum and now to lungs. Our only option is chemo and wait and see how long things can be kept static.  It's like waking up every day to a weight on your chest and the next scan or test measures your time. I keep busy and some days feel everything is fine and the next like an insurmountable mountain.  I hate to hear the expression "live each day as if it was your last" because for me it has another meaning entirely.  I agree, life is cruel.

Hi there I'm so sorry your all going through this it's horrendous it really is. I think the expression live every day as your last . Had a whole different meaning now it's quite literal but it does make you see more than anyone that life is so very short and how things can change in a blink of an eye. Every day is hard and it's a huge weight on you every second of every day. Some days are easier but it's still there I hope you reach out to people like us in a similar situation as it does help just to chat especially sometimes u can say somethings here you are to afraid to say to your partner. X