Feeling overwhelmed and don't know if I can do it all again! I am dealing with my 3rd terminal cancer family situation since 2022, straight after loosing a best friend to meningitis following a long period in a coma.
I am not sure I have the energy and mental resilience to keep on providing support, especially when the female family members reject any professional help and support on offer. First was my mum, who I supported through chemo & appts for pancreatic cancer for a year before she passed in Jul 23 - I am still dealing with her estate.
Not long after she passed my husband's Aunt & Uncle, who don't have any children, were both diagnosed, with stage 4 cancer within a week of each other (lung & kidney + bone mets). We lost him in February this year and he went through a lot with bone cancer in 3 limbs over a short period. Our aunt is now going downhill rapidly and her lung cancer is growing has spread to her bones. She can't remember/deal with anything incl. who called her, what they said and panics if she gets any letters. This means many phone calls trying to figure out what is happening - I can end up with 10 confused calls a day often about the same thing. It was like this all through her husband's cancer treatment - she wouldn't go with him to appointments, forgot his meds, and would get cross with him when he asked for things. I often had to sort out the problems.
We think in the last few days she has broken her arm from a bone mets pending fracture but she refuses to get it checked out. It is deja vu as in the 12 months of supporting my mum she didn't pick up the phone to her health team once and face to face wouldn't be honest about her symptoms. I would often turn up to find her in a terrible state which meant trips to A&E and staying over which I did every weekend after chemo which was most weeks.
I totally understand our aunts reaction is through fear and anxiety, as she saw her husband recently go through the same thing. I also accept she might choose not to accept any more treatment, which is of course her decision. At the start she wanted so much chemo it made her ill as she wasn't honest about the side effects so it is hard to know what is coming next.
I am struggling with their expectation that family can do everything when professional support is being rejected again. We don't live locally (over 2 hrs away) so can't just pop over to check.
I also feel guilt that my own family (2 teenage boys + cats) are always bottom of the list plus know that my own health is staring to suffer. To add to the chaos we have a cat confined to a crate after knee surgery which adds to the challenges. I am so desperate for my own life back.
Anyone with insights on how to keep on going appreciated.
