We are 2 1/2 years into our terminal kidney cancer journey. My husband used to have more good days than bad but now the balance is shifting. I have a great doctor who is helping me, friends, family and an approachable councellor. Despite all this I feel overwhelmed, breathless and unable to cope. I feel guilty, useless and dishonest.
I explained all this to my doctor who told me it sounded like anticipatory grief. Now I've read up about it I can see so much of how I feel for how what it is.
I read an article which said this:
Here is the thing about grief – though we think of it as something that happens after a death, it often begins long before death arrives. It can start as soon as we become aware that death is a likelihood. Once death is on the horizon, even just as a possibility, it is natural that we begin to grieve.
If, like me, you are finding your feelings hard to deal with you may find reading about this helps. It has made me feel like less of an unfeeling monster.
Hi EthelM,
Thank you for posting this. I can certainly recognize the element of grieving for the life we expected - the growing old together, the trips abroad - Janice, my wife, is medically advised not to fly so any great plans to see the world have gone.
I was at a family funeral recently and the celebrant said that grief is the price we have to pay for love - that really resonated with me.
<<hugs>>
Steve
