Feeling sad

Hello MrsH1980,

My name is Lizzie and I work in the Online Community team. Our team look after the online Community, ensuring it remains safe and supportive for all members.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s cancer and everything you’ve been dealing with through all of this. It sounds like you have an enormous amount on your plate at the moment, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to focus on anything else right now.

You’ve taken a really positive step by reaching out, and I hope you’ll find the community to be a supportive and comforting place.

I just wanted to leave you a reply while you wait to hear from other members. You may find it helpful to take a look at our family and friends forum, which is another supportive space for people who are supporting a loved one with cancer. If you’d like to, you’re also very welcome to post your message there so more members of the Community can see it and respond.

We also have a Macmillan Support Line if you have questions or would like to talk things through with someone who is there to listen. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.

Our experienced Cancer Information Nurse Specialists can answer questions about cancer treatments, side effects and more. Whilst you can also speak to our Information and Support Advisers who are here to answer any questions you might have. They can answer questions about the emotional, practical and financial impacts of cancer. Ask a Nurse is open from Monday to Friday. Once you have posted your question, a qualified Macmillan professional will respond within 1 to 3 working days.

I hope this is helpful for you, but if you have any questions, please let us know.

1. Hi, I'm in a similar situation with my husband who has had COPD and lung cancer for about 3 years now. He's 70 (I'm 64) and we thought we were dealing well with the cancer and then in Oct 2025, he had a stroke which affected his speech and his right side. He needs help with everything and I can't leave him on his own in case he needs the toilet or has a coughing fit. We've been told that he can't have any more cancer treatment because it could cause a second stroke. My strong husband who was still working as a scaffolder 5 years ago is now a thin, fragile old man who sleeps for.most of the day......I feel very sad and lonely.  

The big sleeps can be so hard. Does he have up awake days? 

We do have some days that are more awake and I try to get him to sit out in the garden in his wheelchair on those days if the weather behaves. 

Are you able to get your mum outside at all?

Yes, pretty much the same. Those days are good. We have a picnic in garden then we may have a sleeping day after. It’s like a rollercoaster at times. When she is good we make the most of it but it’s just hard with the oxygen and not being able to go far 

We don't have the oxygen, thank heavens (although I suppose that might come at some stage).  Do you have anyone that will come and visit for a cup of tea?  I started inviting our neighbour in for a cup of tea - it was just so nice to have a difference conversation with someone.  I feel sometimes that if the postman hesitates for too long outside the front door, I'll drag him in for a cuppa!!