Today is the anniversary of the day my husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. It has spread to his bones, lymph nodes and caused spinal cord compression. Before this date a year ago he managed to stagger around our favourite place to walk our beloved dog, to drive and to sit on settee and sleep in our bed. On this day last year, he lost the ability to sit, stand, walk, or to control his bodily functions. Our lives changed so dramatically that neither of us could process what was happening.
My husband has always been reluctant to go to the GP. In spite of my insistence that he get checked out because he was struggling, he insisted it was ‘just old age’ creeping up on him.
Doctors told me, a year ago, that he would probably survive for about eighteen months. Since that time he has learnt to stand, using a rotunda, reduced the number of carer visits to two a day and amazed his oncologist with his progress.
Then he developed an infection in his legs, this resulted in another bout of cellulitis, he’d it previously in his left leg, and now it was in the right leg.The infection also caused a build up on fluid in his body, travelling into his lungs. It was touch and go for a couple of weeks. Loads of i.v. antibiotics helped him through. He has spent five weeks in hospital.
He is now well enough to be discharged back home. Unfortunately, his mobility has suffered and he is back to where he was when discharged 10 months ago. It will be a slow and painful process to be able to stand up again.
Our home has become more like an annex of a hospital room. He will be in a hospital bed in our living room so carers and nurses have room to move around the bed to look after him. We live in a one bed flat, so the only space I have is the bedroom, also used to store all the equipment and personal care stuff he needs.
Right now it is feeling a bit like ground hog day….carers in and out, nurses ignoring my requests for help, GP never visited, just prescribed over the phone. No family close enough to help me. I adore my husband, want more than the best quality of life for him, no pain, lots of love and peace in what could be our final few weeks/months together, but the sleepless nights, the long days, and the overwhelming anxiety and stress of being a carer prevails. The anxiety , loneliness and depression of being a 24/7of a carer on her own can never be understood by anyone other than another lonely person left with the care and responsibility to look after a loved one .
