For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

lol love it john im gonna nick it and send to a friend or two x

As I was a bit premature with my goodbye blog, I thought I'd better write on here instead... can't keep doing fond farewells for days can I ? or.. can I? ha ha

Might keep John on his toes having to write Swedish...

Just wanted to tell you about my coffee whilst finally having my exhaust fixed!

I tell you, BC (before cancer) I never did 'coffee' now AC, I am always doing it.. I'm turning into one of those ladies who lunch... hmmm vice needed quick...

 I met up with my lovely very loud blunt aussie friend (and fellow teacher) today  and she doesn't tell me ooh you look well etc...which I love about her- though I'm not sure, 'Bl**dy hell, youre wasting away  Got to fatten you up quick- I need you to teach my class next year' is a preferable option either!

She would be one of us if she were on this site... and she can actually embarrass me (!!) though today she just had me giggling so much I think I got a hernia and I'm counting that as my exercise....

So we go to the cafe and she shouts out what cake do you want? She's got cancer you know and she's wasting away... she needs cake! Make it a big slice...  Get coffees and cake and sit down. Can your arse cope with this chair? she shouts.. you can have my cushion if you want..  flinging it over...  Waitress's eyebrows are nearly on the ceiling by now, but she brings them over, trying not to spill them and saying its hard to keep them straight.. J spills her coffee straight off so shouts at the waitress.. we're not coping without you... can you come back and hold my cup for me please?

People are starting to look....

Having had cancer in her family, she wants full details of Friday... so I fill her in with GC's weather forecast...of good/fair/ outlooks etc and the list of operation options etc that are in store and as she is one of us, she doesn't cry and wail etc which other mates have been doing with less info, but just says (loudly of course)  if they take out your bum, what do they put  there instead? People on the table net to us are starting to shuffle in their seats...  They won't do something the next day, will they? No, I guess not....  In that case...  can I book you in to do your chemistry block  for my class first then, just  to be on the safe side? Ha ha , yeah ok... She then says how wonderful that which ever way it goes, you have 5 years of saying to GC.. Oh,and  I've got a spot on my thigh... could you have a look...? Oh and one here too.... (and I won't say where she was pointing that time) I am on the floor laughing by now and the people on the table next to us are looking nervous and looking for another table....

I tell her the sad tale of Little Pube and she has offered to come round for a ceremony in the garden and burial... or cremation if we put her in a matchbox... People lmove tables.....

I tell of my plans to do a phased return and how the head is all for it and the deputy head sent me a stupid email saying can't afford for you to go part time, better gird yourself (!!!) So she then starts shrieking at the top of her voice, Gird yourself? isn't the full phrase gird your loins? Has he seen your loins??? Not much girding going to be going on there is there.. I'll gird him.. your loins aren't fit for anything are they?? etc etc

Think that maybe its time we leave before the cafe goes out of business.....

All I can say is count yourselves lucky you have got me on here.... there are worse out there.... !

Little My xxxx

She sounds like just the person to keep your pecker up.......if you had one, sorry it was the refraining from telling us where her finger was pointing..........but you know what I mean, yes another nutter!!!!!!!

would love to have been sitting at another table watching people squirm in their seats :)

mum no. 3 (((((((((((XXXXXXXX))))))))))

I'll invite you along next time, Mumsy.... you can eat my cake for me too... don't like cake... and she makes me eat it!

In case you haven't all noticed, nannyb (Shaz) has adopted me hoorah! (actually she just wants a free holiday, but I'm desperate so don't care) so I now have a mum... get in!!!

so, thinking that maybe between us 'warpeds' we can make.. lets be honest, however hard we try, we will never make the Waltons will we? How about the MacMunsters? or....  ?

Sunny of course has to be my twin silly sister if she ever gets her broadband sorted and stops feeling sick and gets on here... cheap excuses I say... 

But as I only have a brother and an aunt, (and a mum now) there are plenty of vacancies going... so anyone want to sign up?? A dad might be useful... for fixing the new house ;o) and grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, kids etc... I'm quite cheap really (no, not in that sense!) just like the odd hug and a giggle for Christmas...

Then we can have a family get together and imagine how much fun that would be? I reckon we could clear a cafe in 2 minutes..... want to try??

Little Myxxxx

Och, please can I have party poppers and streamers for the 100th post - PLEEAASSSE.....?

I know it was dire but it (the inspiration for the pun) came to me about three in the morning - how bad is my sleeping pattern when i'm thinking about your last pube at three in the morning?

Safe journey to Sweden and Haste Ye Back as the road signs say here....

XX

Ha ha, anyone who is thinking about Little Pube at 3am deserves party poppers and streamers and those things you blow that make the funny noise and roll out... do they have a name?? soooo

POP!! POP!!

I was going to say, anyone thinking about my pubes at 3am..... but that kind of sounded ruder than intended :o)

And I think we should celebrate 100 posts of silliness however bad the pun was.... (actually well done, I was trying to think of some for a poem for the memorial service, but couldn't so gave up)

Thanks for safe journey wishes.. they actually are relevant if you are me!.. just wondering... are you/we all Scots on warped?? apart from Sunny, whose name kind of gives the game away, I have no idea where any of you are from/living.... I'm on the border between England and Wales, but just tipped into Wales by about 1 mile! So I live in Wales and work in England.... I'm an honorary Scot I think/hope having grown up there... like to spread my joy around the country ;-)

Little Myx

I think we should definitely celebrate 100 posts (have they all been about your pubes?!).  I'm sniffing the cork in the Scotch bottle now!

In terms of family, I'm even quite comfortable with the idea of being your twin sister, allowing for age, size etc.  Though if we're twins, we're definitely twins in the way that Arnie and Danny De Vito were twins!

I don't know if everyone on 'warped' is from Scotland either, but I suspect that anyone that's anyone is certainly on 'warped'!  I loved your story about your Aussie friend at the coffee shop.  Sounds like someone I can relate to!  It made me think of the chaos we could create if we were all to get together for afternoon tea (or coffee).  I'd love to try and do it.  People buy tickets to events like that...

I am in Devon, but was born in Berkshie brought up in witshire, dose going to cumbernauld with hubby when he was working make me any where near a scot...dont expect so but enjoyed anyway, and had the best new year ever whilst there...Take care all xx

I am getting seriously concerned that there is at least one member on here who is thinking about Little My's pube, especially at three in the morning! Quite scary if you ask me, but then, you seem to bring out the best (worst in people) Little My. Have to say Jinty I did like the pun so I will pop a popper for you too lol.

Can you just imagine this mad crowd on a stage together? Still, stranger things have happened hee hee. We'd probably look like the cast of the time 'Warp' lol.

Sweet dreams one and all, especially you Jinty lol.

Love, Christine xx