For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

You turn your back for a moment to deal with other matters and you are 5 pages behind. And LM says it's quiet on here! It's taken me over an hour to catch up on what's been said, let alone remember it all, so if I get it wrong or miss someone, my apologies in advance.

I'm sorry, but I could not let yet another attack on warped go unchallenged. We have already lost Sunny and I don't intend to let anyone bully any more people off this site. If all we did was laugh and joke, then there are better places to do it. But the laughing is at cancer and the indignities we suffer in fighting it. We laugh at our own experiences and not those of other people. If anyone takes the trouble to look closely at what is going on they will see a loving and caring community who are not exclusive or inward looking, but more active than most in providing help and support elsewhere. Thankyou all for being, ... er ..., warped and proud of it.

I was biting my tongue when I replied, but Roobs came dashing in with both barrels blazing! Well done Roobs, we are all proud of you.

Let's hope that is the end of attacks on this very valuable group. Yes I said valuable, because I too have benefited immensely from you lot when I've been feeling down.

LM referred to my minions, which the dictionary tells me means my favourite children. Thanks LM for reminding me of my age!

Enough, we have a Viking Funeral to arrange.

The practicalities of the funeral begin with the fact that LM doesn't have a bath, sniff! So we shall have to use a pond or lake for the ceremony. I suggest that the music should be suitable for the solemn occasion such as The Ride of the Valkeries. Then the Valkeries can swoop down and take the soul of the Invincibles to Valhalla.

But therein lies another problem. Valhalla is reserved for the souls of dead heroes. I have checked the constitution and that cannot be altered. So I have discussed this with the admissions Tutor and argued that since these invincibles ahve done so much heroic service for LM they deserve to be admitted. He agrees with me and after discussion with the senate, it is agreed that a letter of acceptance be sent to LM's invincibles immediately.

The talk of tatoos on here reminds me in Natioal Service when someone had a tatoo because he wanted to do something that could not be undone. I was then asked by the OC why I didn't have a tatoo. The real answer was that I was a wus, but you never admit that in the army. So I said that I didn't think that a second rate drawing of a snake would improve the appearance of my sun-tanned arms.

I have wondered though how they would havew managed to tatoo dots on my tummy if I already had a tatoo of Atlas holding the world on high. Would they have written in the notes that the central dot is Atlas' litlle toenail on his left foot?

Culottes I hope you ahve a lovely holiday and do let us know where you are going.

Annie how could beloved let you iron those kitchen curtains; hope he let's you go clothes shopping.

Cruton you will have to turn gobshite's name into something very nasty!

Hils is taking up knitting! So all our help to stop you being bored has worked. Good luck with the wotsit stockings for LM.

Ems we're still thinking 0.5 sooner rather than later.

Tim I hope you are now part of the Dyson duo and are soon out of hospital.

Odin xxx ( those aren't for Tim)

I had my funeral all nicely planned - although I haven't actually told anyone, so that's going to be a bit of a hitch - and now I am thinking of throwing it all out the window and demanding a longboat instead. However, set against this the fact that I am almost entirely Saxon, and perhaps it would be inappropriate.

Making jokes about funerals is probably 'inappropriate' too. Well, tough. 

You were - reasonably enough - an absolute hero, Odin, very sane and sensible and reasonable. It's a good thing you're not Thor, there would have been lightning bolts left, right and centre. Yay! for Sarah for standing up for Warped, too, and as for Ruby - good lord, I'll be staying on the right side of her from now on! (Thought: could Ruby be Thor in disguise? Ruby??) Come to think of it, LM is Thor at the moment, and so will I be after my op. Tim probably is, too, but I hope it was worthwhile.

Anyway, hurrah for everyone, or at least for all the nice people. I had considered doing a post about bullying - because that's what it is, plain and simple - in the Room, but, for now, we had better let things lie, I think.

Don't get too excited about the knitting. At the moment there is me; and there is a book about knitting. That's as far as it's got, and probably as far as it's likely to get. 

I fell over in Oxford yesterday. And I wasn't even drunk, how unfair is that?

xxx

Odin, of course you are old!! You are the Alfather so you've got to me older than us or the world would implode with the improbability of it all and its a nice sunny day so we don't want that to happen!

The invincilbes have been resurrected to do duty once more as I got annoying nurse who doesn't do tight dressings and leaves it all a bit hurty.... (haha understatement of the year there!) so they are back on stopping me from spilling my guts haha.

OH and she said 'Of course its going to hurt, you've a deep hole  in your belly. I'll write on your notes Keep taking the pain killers.  Great lot of use that was..... !

I don't like her. Luckily she is off for a few days now so i get another one tomorrow. Hope she's nicer.

Anyway, Hilary it is a slippery slope. First you just say Oh its only a book... then the needles arrive and before you kow it you are yarn bombing Biscester! I am  looking forward to my Pippi socks though.

A viking longboat funeral would be cool... wonder if I can do that down the Wye? I am sure you have some Viking in you too Hilary so go ahead.... just imagine it floating down the river with Led Zepplin blaring out at full blast.... :) Imagine the looks if i put my knickers and baggy in a toy boat and set fire to it down the river hahaaaaaaaa

It was very unfair that you fell over yesterday. As I keep saying to you, move here and I can walk with you and we can keep eachother upright. I would stop you being bored too. I had this idea with Sunny a long time ago about 'Cancer street' where we could all live on the same street. How cool would that be? Actually, I suspect our cats wouldn't find it that cool.... territory and whatnot.

Thanks my lovely friends for defending while I was hiding under a stone. You are lovely caring people. As Hilary says Hoorah for everybody! I would love to read a room rant from you Hilary, but I suspect you are wise in absenting.

My take on it, is that if you have just been told you've got cancer, you tend to think, oh bugger that's it then.... dead, misery etc. If you came on a cancer website and all you saw was people crying then you would think oh yeah I was right... if you come on one and see lots of people chatting and enjoying things and saying they are in the garden and walking and doing stuff, you would think Oh maybe I might be ok and maybe I won''t die right now and maybe I can enjoy life a bit even though I have cancer.... You see, I know I get bloody minded and think bloody cancer won't stop me laughing, but some people need to see some light in their darkness and that is why I like what we do. If you don't like it and only want pain and sadness, then join those groups and friends and click on activity of groups and that is what you will see. It gave me hope and others tell me it gives them hope and gets them through some dark days so..... lets keep on doing what we do, cos I think we care and help and that is a good thing. And if we giggle about poo on the way... well.... ok said my piece. I am not going to get into a defending myself tit for tat with someone who thinks it is ok to publically criticise people who are on here for the same reason as everyone else.  

I was going to delete that cos I reckon it will be read by those I don't want reading it but who cares actually. i won't be bullied by the 'silent majority'

Now hurty nurse has been, I am going to see if I can walk to the bottom of the road and back and then sit in the garden with my puzzle book and snooze. My life is too exciting for words! I think I am getting better cos I have an urge to buy new clothes!! I realised I can wear any trousers I want when I have healed and shorter tops and proper pants :) And I have saved loads of money on petrol not driving. Just got to be able to walk into town now... better ger off my arse and get training......

Now if someone could just help me up off the sofa.......

Little My xxx

ps I forgot that we fart! Cos of the surgery, it makes you fart more than normal and I can't stop hahaaa Anyone want their washing drying/bbq lighting?? xxx

Jet propelled chair lift LM! I like it.

Sorry I missed your post Hils. I'm sorry that you fell over yesterday and I hope there were plenty of gallant gentlemen around to help you up. Well, if you know you're going to fall at least if you're drunk you've got a good excuse. Hope you haven't too many cuts and bruises.

Thanks for your support, I did wonder whether I should intervene, but it was the second time someone has attacked us by inuendo. You are very wise to be careful with Ruby. By golly (are we allowed to use that term now?) Roobs will be very useful on a rescue mission. Perhaps LM should change Roobs name to Thor, if it's OK to have a female Thor.

I think you are right and let things settle down now.

As for the knitting books, you should see how many cookery books I have and I still buy ready meals!

Big gentle hubs,

Odin xxx

You are such a lovely lot (and you are a hero, Ruby - wish my earlier comment on the same blog had had more of an effect - I was being too diplomatic as usual). I wish I could do Warped World as well as you all do but cannot express things as eloquently - such a great way with words. I think you should all get together and write a book.

I have come out in sympathy with you LM with the windies today so think I must starting to be mentally connected in some way! Or it's the "Move More" that's getting it shifting!

Got my car ready for my little trip tomorrow and spent time rolling around on the floor amusing the petrol station staff. Must get His Majesty to put air in my tyres next time; it's not very dignified for lady of my age to be scrabbling around trying to find the caps I had just unscrewed seconds before. And then, in line with you, Hils, as I was getting up, trod on the hem of my skirt and fell on my bottom. Clean shreddies thank goodness.

Herman is making the whole house smell of cake which is not doing my diet any good. (For those who don't know, check out German Friendship Cake). Think I'll freeze him and bring him out again in three and a bit weeks when the half century hits........

Anyway, time for bed said Zebedee.

Sleep well everyone. XXXXXXXx

I just read knitting books and as in knitting a book and thought oh that would be what Hilary would knit. If you knit the complete works of Shakespeare, that should stop the boredom... actually that would be mind numbingly boring! As I said, my knitting prowess over the years has been rats, a mobile phone case, a dennis the menace jumper for Max when he was a baby, a clanger and 2 bits of jumpers that I gave up on! I might knit Hilary a book though. I prefer needle felting- probably the stabbing :)

OH I get to use my axe again soon :) Once this has healed, I can lift stuff again hahaaaaa!

Hi Julia.... you do have a good way with words and we like you being here and talking to us so don't feel you are not eloquent- most of what we talk is utter shite. I was offered a bit of Herman at school just before my op. I always feel with those things that they should be called enemy cakes cos they bully you! Its not just a cake is it? its pressure.... oh friendship got to bake it and keep some to bake another one and better not kill it off and arrrggghh stress stresss! Or is that just me? actually, as I don't like cake anyway I see no point in baking it- friends or not. Also I can't bake. Really really can't bake!

I liked your term shreddies. Can you explain why they are called shreddies? I know it will be some pun or rhyming slang, just can't think what.....

Being mentally connected to me is a dangerous thing (or fun, depends on your levels of sanity) I say fun! good luck with the trip and oooooh 50! I hope you are getting lots of shiny things for it....

And why are you typing? shouldn't you be jogging or doing press ups or something?

OK, better go to sleep. My sleep is all out the window at the moment. I spend all day nodding off like the dormouse and then am awake at night... its like treatment all over again (without the burns and puking)

Night all xxxx and thank you all again for sticking up for us. I am proud of us.

ps  One of my colleagues emailed today and said there was loads of marking piling up for me and did I want them to bring it round to my house tomorrow or should they do it for me? !!!!!