For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Ha! welcome, Annfran... about time is all I can say....lurking away out the back.. I thought i heard sniggering....

Take it from me, hiding in the broom cupboard pretending you are normal just does not work- better to be out and proud. 

Congratulations on coming out!! We are so proud of you....See, it wasn't that scary was it? and we are a quite nice lot really and we don't bite (often) and have plenty of chocolate on offer... though  i would be wary of accepting rolos... and sunny's advice of what to do with confectionary... still hurts!

Another excuse for a party... get those weetabix nuked, Sunny... I'll get the coke out....

hmmm I'm beginning to wonder just how many of us loonies are out there hiding in cupboards pretending... and another Ann.... is there a pattern developing here?

Coping so far with the lady boxers... thank god they came into fashion!!

Having been presuaded not to be an idiot and drive to scotland, I've been trying to book the train just now... £333 for me and my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not sure I want to spend 11 hours on a coach with my bum so better go out begging or something....

Need a bit of silliness after that. Glad I am not the only one with an uncouth stoma... so much fun to be had out there.. does he giggle like me or get embarrassed? I've been invited to a stoma coffee morning in October... that will be hilarious by the sounds of it... wonder if they serve coke haha

Anway, welcome Annefran- out and proud! andstill alive after all our drivel... wow! truely warped!

cheers... oh, and I forgot to say.... Happy birthday Sunny... we love you !

Little Myx

Thanks, I am proud to be out and I feel so liberated.  My education has come on leaps and bounds.  Merkins, had no idea what they were 'til you lot got going.   Tena lady, well, I'm on nodding terms.  I only have one kidney and that and my dodgy bladder have joined forces to make things a wee (get it!) bit dodgy at times.  Can't rival the stoma 2 though.  The thought of a stoma coffee morning sounds great, take your own coke, make things interesting.

Chocolate, now that is a whole other subject.  Do I like chocolate, no, I love it, am totally addicted to it so if there is any going begging...  No coke for me thanks. I'm a wine kind a girl, don't care if it's in a posh glass a mug or a teapot as long as it's white, dry and very cold.  I am also a dab hand at nuking weetabix but my real party piece is exploding hard boiled eggs, oh the fun scraping them off the ceiling - what larks!

Now I'm gonna really freak you out.  Not only am I another Ann I am also an ex-nurse.  Not Psychiatric but there were rumours!

Ann xx

Hi all

I'm afraid Annfran isn't the only one that's struggled with coming out of hiding today!  I seem to be having a war of wills with the chemo and am currently struggling to hold on to lunch and keep the water going down (I love my kidneys!).  I was hoping that I'd be ok for a few days before the worst hit, but it seems to have it's own plans...

However, as we all know, I'm not exactly sylph-like, so I'm sure no real damage will result, and I can only hope that the next size down (in my wardrobe) is ready for an airing!

As it's a special occasion today, I've ditched the ladyboxers in favour of a lovely pair of red PJ's!  No chocolate I'm afraid (just looking at it makes me feel a bit iffy!) and no cocktails, or Gin, or Stella (for the same reason, I know, doesn't sound like much of a party - does it?).  So I'm sitting here in my best red PJ's trying not to throw up and to think of something funny to say...  No pressure then!

But first something serious.  I don't think all you kind people out there realise how much your support has helped get me to today.  Last week, I was on the verge of cancelling the chemo a couple of times and trying to justify not going through with it.  I'll spare you the details.  Enough to say, sheer terror had taken hold, but the support from y'all, brought me back from the dark side.  And I'm very grateful.  While I may be feeling a bit under the weather, at least I am still in the game!

So, it’s occurred to me, we’ve had a fair few positives over the last few days, from Shaz and Dave’s Onc appt, and my adopting MollyB’s dad as my virtual chemo buddy, to Little My’s stunning stats!  So wouldn’t now would be a good time, while we still have some energy, to get Little My's packing done for her holiday?

She only has a week to go and she’s there for a whole 2 weeks (how will I cope?!), but we have to make sure that she looks her best at all times and has a fantastic break.  Unfortunately, what I know about the weather in Sweden at this time of the year (or any time of the year) could be written on a Rice Crispie!  So, I’m depending on advice from the more well-travelled among you.

We also don’t have her itinerary, so we’ll have to use our imaginations, but I couldn’t help remembering, as she keeps reminding me, that she now fits into a size 8!!!  So this should be comparable to an OK magazine expose on the lives of the rich and famous and she will need to dress accordingly!  All the best magazines start with the prep, and we should be no exception.  So, Hair (check – sat through a cut after rehearsing her sitting time), skin (still some damaged areas - so plenty of moisturiser needed), depilation (well, we all know about that!).  So, crimped, moisturised and Hollywooded, she’s ready.

Now we just need suggestions from you about what to pack, and why?  I dare you...

What a way to spend your birthday Ann :0(  Hope you pick up soon!

I'm not too fussed what Little My takes away with her as long as she brings back plenty duty free to share with us! Woohoo lol.

She could always blow up a couple of her bags as birthday balloons for you, tie a message to them and set them off in your direction. A little wind would help, so plenty of coke would be required lol.

I hope tomorrow is much better for you. Sending loads of Happy Birthday wishes to you.

Love, Christine xx

Hi Annfran-  OUT AND PROUD HOORAH- feels good eh?

My mum was called Anne and was a nurse too... (so can I join in a generation behind? She was a nutter too... though a bit prudish... and wouldn't approve of me sticking things up my bum. (actually ,who would apart from you lot?)

I didn't know what a merkin was either until Sunny corrupted me.. honestly I was a sweet innocent Little My till I got on this website and found her.... ;-)

Madge is the one to ask for chocolate.. actaully, she probably isn't as she she loves it. and would have eaten it all before it got to you... Sunny just suggests where to stick it.... and believe me, you don't want to do it, however gorgeous your consultant is... though I must say I wouldn't mind playing hunt the rolo with him.... (and please god that he never reads these) You see, lurking out the back all this time, you missed all the chocolates on my blog. If you go back and hike back down some of the longer ones, you might find the emergency rations there if shaz missed them... worth remembering for desperate times....

Hey, if I get sent to  non- GC one for the exam under anaesthetic, what should I do for him?? He's got a good atttude and sense of humour about on par with us....First time he examined me, he said if you don't  Leave him a funny note or something?

Wine might be  a bit posh for some of our members in warped land.. especially Christine... ;-) but slurping out of a teapot is about right and I reckon most of them in here aren't that fussed and would drink anything....

 I must say that I am a sweet young thing compared to you lot so not had to resort to Tenas myself yet (well, that's a lie, I did have to.. but not for the same reason as the rest of you)

I mostly drink coke cos it makes me laugh. My tastes in booze are as uncouth as my 2nd bum so I'm a lager lout these days. I like the taste of wine, but it doesn't agree with me and I had my fill of spirits a while ago so am a bit of a lightweight these days... half a lager and I'm anyones...

OOH HOORAY! Was typing this when Sunny's came in... whay hay!

So, Happy birthday sunny and can I just say you look gorgeous in your red pj's and please try and half some birthday cereal at least so you don't waste away..... I am seriously worried that you will disappear down the back of the sofa and the cat will starve..... and sorry you feel sick- tell them to change your sickness tablets tomorrow or up the dose. I did and it helped a lot.

As to packing, it could be an excuse to go and buy some new clothes, cos as you say, I am no longer a size 12... and everything falls off a bit.... (if I had any money left... £300 for train tickets!!!)

It will be hot and sunny there like the best summer's day you could get here... (that's down here sunny summer's day, not up there Scotland hot water bottle and blanket sunny summer day)

Bit outdoorsy so no heels and I never did work out how to walk in them anyway... but dare away..... and I can see another OK magazine coming on. As you noticed, I am a bit rubbish at this computer stuff and I am so sorry that your name on your card was wonky and that the other pictures didn't come over. I think while I'm away, I might draw stuff and then photograph it and put it on the computer... easier.

There is a computer there, so I am sure I will say hi the odd time I'm away and you just know how much mischief I am going to get into.....

Too long.. lost where I was so will shut up and go and read what you wrote and where I am and who I am...

Little My

ps happy birthday! xxxxx

Little My

ps Happy birthday, sunny xxxxxx

ps just seen what I wrote and I stopped mid sentence and never told you what the non-gc said...

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

..;....

Little myxx

ps told you so (about Christine and  her drinking habits)

Tell me this then..............................

How do you keep an idiot in suspenders?????? lol

And I don't have any habits, I'm not a nun you know lol. The only nun I know is nun today, nun tomorrow and nun ever again hee hee.

Love, Christine xx

Hi there, how are the suspenders staying up? Sorry to say, you will have to stay in suspense dear idiots cos I can't remember now what he said and it was a joke, so it doesn't work if you only remember bits and all I can remember now is...

 'if you don't put your finger up there, then you will put your foot in it'

So if any of you out there can construct that back into the joke... please do and put these idiots out of their suspense...

 in the meantime....

........ NEWS FLASH...... NEW FLASH...... NEWS FLASH......... NEWS FLASH......

Toothbrush here. Sorry to interrupt proceedings, but we have breaking news from our foreign correspondent Thermometer in Ensuite.... 

Oh yah Hi there everybody. Well, I’ve been posted out here to Ensuite which is usually rather deserted, but owing to P having  stress- of -moving stomach trouble, Little My has retreated to here the last week or so. There has been a lot of activity here recently and today I can report some staggering news....

 We had a reported sighting of the missing body of Little Pube last night.   Paracetamol Police moved in immediately and sealed off the area and have been combing the scene. It was Shower Gel who tipped them off that she had seen Sponge acting suspiciously yesterday when Little My tried to use him. Sponge was trying to hide and only be used one side so Shower Gel raised the alarm and he was duly arrested and taken into the bin for questioning and a thorough search. We have now had a verified report that Little Pube was indeed found embedded in Sponge. We understand that he will be charged with murder and remanded in custody until further notice.

Razor has had all charges dropped and has been released. His lawyer Tweezers released this statement on his behalf

“ Razor has finally and rightly been proved innocent. He would like to thank all his friends for their support and the campaign group "slash the charges" who have been battling on his behalf. He is pleased to see the bathroom justice system working and is looking forward to going home and will start to try and rebuild his life after all the false accusations made against him and has asked that he be left in peace with his family for the time being.” His wife Leg Wax was waiting outside the bin for him with their children Immac and Gilette.

Little Pube will be released to her friend Bum Fluff as soon as forensics have finished.... as there has already been a memorial service, the big question on everyone’s lips will be what to do with her remains?

Burial? cremation? encased in amber and turned into a necklace?

Suggestions welcome...

Little Myxxx

so pleased justice has been done, and perhaps set in soap and in the dish forever xx