Awake and up all night

Evening. I’ve never posted before but I’m laying here in pain and not sure what else to do. I have stage 3 scc of the vulva. Currently going through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Today was my 18th rt and Wednesday was my fourth round of weekly chemo. Sorry for TMI but the two combined have played havoc with my digestion and I am now having bouts of bleeding and pulsing pain with every bowel motion. I have talked to the rt team and have various meds and creams but tonight nothing is working. I took dihydrocodeine at 09:30 so cannot take more for an hour. I do have oral morphine but I don’t think I can take that when I’ve had the codeine. So now I’m just laying and hoping I don’t have any more loose motions and that the pulsing and stinging pain will eventually pass. It’s miserable. 

Good morning Daffodil and a very warm welcome to our group, although it's awful you've had to join under such circumstances my lovely. I'm not surprised you're miserable, being in pain and probably feeling pretty helpless right now, and being unable to abate it.

I'm afraid I've got no experience of the pain meds you've been prescribed, but you're definitely doing the right thing, adhering to timings. Do you have the number of an on-call oncologist at all? When my OH had an urgent problem when he was undertaking RT, I rang the number we'd been given, and as it was very late at night, I was given advice over the phone. On another occasion, the on-call onc arranged for an ambulance to take him to A&E. I'm not implying you may need the same to happen, but maybe you could be given proper advice about your query with the meds.

I'm sorry I've not been much use sweetheart, but I really hope you'll get some respite from the pain as soon as possible. If you've got someone with you, maybe they could offer some help. Wishing you all the best and sending you virtual hugs xxx

I am sure you can take some extra pain medication but as long 4 hours had passed. I do know you can take at different times but this should be discussed with your medical team. Difficult as we cant offer medical advice. I would suggest if pain is not manageable then you could call 111 who can offer advice amd they can arrange a doctor to call you to disuss and advise. 

I wish I could offer more advice and help take the pain and discomfort away for you.n

Thank you for replying Gill. I do have a 24/7 phone number that I can call but I’m not sure I really need to yet. I am in just enough pain to stop e sleeping and to be unhappy but not so much I can’t think or function of that makes sense?  I’m patiently waiting for the time that I can take another dose and then I’m hoping I will feel drowsy enough to ignore the pain. 

it is getting me down because with pelvic radiotherapy ongoing for another 3 weeks I am afraid that this may just end up my new normal. I don’t see much healing happening when it is so close to the target area. 

i am grateful to have your reply though. I do have a very loving partner but he’s asleep next to me right now and honestly I already pull so much from him I don’t want to keep him awake when there he can do

Thank you Jamie. I don’t think I really was looking for answers re meds. It’s just so difficult sometimes trying to find a balance with all the different pills and creams. I find the pain always kicks in at night when I want to sleep. I should be able to take more s in half an hour then hopefully I will be able to sleep

You're taking this really well sweetheart, but you'll be able to take another dose soon and hopefully then get some sleep. If it does become too much, and the meds don't kick in, please consider ringing the number you've got.

I hope you get some relief really soon hon xxx

Thats okay. With pain meds its difficult as it depends on different factors. Pain always seem to kick in more for me in the morning and at night, as in the day we have things to distract us like family, friends, TV. Then night comes and things calm down and silence falls and we are left with our pain and thoughts is what I noticed. 

Yep. I find myself scrolling the internet seeking answers and doing anything I can to distract from the pain or worry. I’m just over halfway through treatment and I’m starting to feel the side effects in quite a big way. Its sucks and quite frankly I am feeling deathly sorry for myself tonight!

All perfectly normal and warranted. Half way through and getting there. I tend to play my game and listen to a podcast with me ear phones in which helps to distract 

I should probably follow your lead. Had to be a better use of time than doom scrolling. Is this a late night for you?