Hi there, my name is Carmen, I’m a 34 years old single mum of 2 daughters ( aged 8 and 4).
Few weeks ago I’ve been diagnosed with stage 2 invasive Her2 positive breast cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes and I’ve started my first chemo session last Monday . I will have 8 chemo and then will receive a mastectomy and lymph nodes removal .
I’m completely lost, my world has fell apart,my partner was not supportive and he just turned his back on me making me feel like I was not worth the fight . I know I’m fighting for my girls, I know that , and I will fight with everything I got but it’s all surreal for me, I can’t accept this is happening, don’t want to wake up every morning not knowing if I will feel ok or I will waste a day in bed cause I’m feeling so exausted. I used to be so energetic, always out and about, always full of life and I don’t want THIS to ever change Me or who I am . I have amazing friends that are there for me 24/7 if I need them to but still , I don’t know why ... I feel so down and so lost some days .
I thought readings stories from someone that understands what I’m going through will help me not feel so lonely in THIS.
and also will give me the strength to be a fighters like all of you .
Hi Carmen, I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
The first thing I'm going to suggest is you join the Breast Cancer Group, there are lots more members and I think you'll get replies much quicker.
It's completely normal to feel lost and confused at this time. A cancer diagnosis is unfair and comes with so much uncertainty. I know it's hard but try to take it one day at a time, if you need to spend a day in bed it's not a wasted day, it's a day your body needs to rest and recharge so it can fight this thing (not just for your girls, for you too, because you are worth fighting for)
I'm fortunate that my partner has been supportive but my sister (who I have always been close to) unexpectedly turned her back on me a few days after my diagnosis in Feb and I haven't heard from her since. This hurt me very deeply. My dad questioned her about it recently and she said my diagnosis scared her and made her too aware of her own mortality. I'm glad you have great friends, lean on them when you need to and keep posting on this forum - there are lots of lovely people here who understand what you're going through. When I'm having a down day I also use the Macmillan helpline - the people who man those phone lines are amazing!
Finally, I have yet to meet a woman diagnosed with breast cancer who hasn't spent many hours in tears or afraid or angry etc - this is part of our strength, we need to acknowledge all of our emotions and we need to express them. Some days all of us feel down and lost no matter how tough we look on the outside. Carmen, you're already a fighter, you already have the strength you need to get through this
A bit like you, I am at the start of this journey. It is terrifying, I know but we WILL get through it.. I have three slightly older children than you, 18, 16 and 13. It is a horrible shock for them, to see normal bouncy Mummy all pale, tired and anxious. I had my operation tomorrow and are unsure of what my treatment plan is yet.
You are a wonderful woman, I can feel it in my bones, and YOU will be fine..
As Naid said on her reply to you, don't what ever you do,suffer in silence. There is lots of support out there for people in our situation ( sadly there are rather a lot of us ) Tap into it... i certainly intend to..
Firstly, so sorry you find yourself here but we are all here for you.
I completely agree with . Your body is using a lot of energy healing so if you need a day in bed it’s going to help your body heal quicker.
Im like you always on the go, energetic, out with my two girls etc. I beat myself up about not being able to spent the half term with them last October after my Mastectomy.
We would usually have been out everyday, I felt awful I couldn’t do things with them, I felt useless as I was in bed sick from the meds. It’s only now I’m allowing myself to let it all go, I wasn’t useless, I was healing. I might not have spent too much time with them then, however I was doing what I had to do to be there for them in the long run.
thank you so much for your lovely and encouraging words.
Im sorry you are going through this as well and I hope for all of us that soon this will all be a bad memory and a hard journey we all had to go through that made us stronger than ever . It’s hard for me to understand how your closest family members cant seem to be able to support you how you should, I’ M going through the same problem with my all family .. so I know how you are feeling
today it’s the start of my 3rd week after my first chemo and I feel great, a week ago I wouldn’t even imagine that I could feel normal again but I do , my energy is back and I’m trying to spend as much quality time as possible with my girls and it has given me hope that, although it will be hard and I’ll have to adjust to the changes , I can do this and cancer doesn’t have to rule my whole life completely
there are gonna be days as you said when my body will need to recover to be able to be strong again
your kind words have really helped me and I thank you for them, you are right .. we all are fighters already , me too
just wanted to say a massive thank you for your kind words and wanted to check on you to see how you are doing after the operation.
im sure everything went great and I hope you are recovering well and the love from your children is giving you the strength to need to recover as soon as possible
I am OK.. bit sore, and rather tired, but alright..( I think part of the reason that I am so tired, is that I am really only slowly absorbing the shock of what has happened.. and it is also quite tiring putting on a brave face for everyone!!)
I have another 2 weeks to wait until I know what my treatment will be.. Seems forever and a day away! . My head still swimming at times, but trying to keep busy.
I hope YOU are alright? Do you know anymore about your treatment etc??
