My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hello everyone, Yes my night shift went ok thank you Ailsa. It was only a short one as I am just completing a phased return to work. There was not a lot to do but I managed to keep myself busy. Unfortunately, people always manged to probe a little too deep and I ended up telling of my situation (not the ideal). Anyway, a lady I was speaking too said that for some reason she felt compelled to give me a telephone number for a lady who does some sort of 'Angel' readings and she was urging me to contact the lady. She did say she had no idea why she had given it to me except that she felt I would benefit from that.
Later today I am going to my daughter's home for dinner. Lazy day for me then lol.
I hope that you all have a good day.
Ailsa, glad you had a good time at the wedding.
Catch you all later. x x Patricia x x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

hi,Patricia
are you going to ring the angel lady? i wonder what she'd say.
Lucky you, going to your daughter's for dinner - got room for another? Just can't be bothered to make anything. I get really annoyed with myself when I open the fridge and the freezer and don't fancy anything that's in there!
Glorious day here - makes everything seem a bit better, even if it isn't!
sue x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hi everyone , Glad you enjoyed the wedding Ailsa , and nice to here you being positive like Sue says , Good luck with the angel readings Tricia you must let us know how you get on , Hi Fiona Sue Kev and anyone else . I've had a mixed weekend mainly good , with looking after the grankids Sat and my step daughter coming to stay , we had a bbq sat night (son in law cooked ) and then we all went for sunday lunch today and then to my husbands memorial service , it was very very nice and i was fine until a young girl sang "do not stand at my grave and weep " she had a beautiful voice ,i had never heard it sung before and i really lost it , she could have been singing it to me , that is just what i do ,stand at the grave and sob several times a day if i have time . The sermon was very good too . It was very emotional but also enjoyed it too . All the kids are home now but i'm fine now i';ve shed my tears (i think ) for today . I'm hoping to have a better week at work this week but who knows ? . I am really trying .
Hope you are all ok

Lynnexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) Lynne xxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) from me too Lynne.
Quill xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hi, Lynne

So glad that you went to the service and that you found it so powerful.i'd have been surprised if you didn't break down during it; that's part of the purpose of these services. it sounds as though it was wonderful and to have the family with you must he been the icing on the cake.
I can tell haw hard you're trying you did brilliantly at work last week and I would have thought that it might become less stressful as time goes on. We all have good and bad days at work at the best of times, and let's face it we haven't had the best of times, so hang on in there!
flowerpotsaz7.gif animated hugs image by shortcake4813 big hugs to you
sue x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Thank you ladies i'll accept all the hugs there very welcome , i need them .(((((((((((hugs )))))))))))) back to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Good evening everyone. I am so glad you enjoyed the service today Lynne. It sounds like it was just right and so nice for you to have your family with you. I hope you have a good week at work next week as well.

I am still struggling with tiredness. Usual story - no matter what I get done I always want to do more. There always seems to be something on my list of things to do that has to wait until tomorrow.
We've had a lovely weekend weatherwise and I have been to the cemetery everyday for a few days now. That helps to calm me down. I've not been relaxed enought to sit and read this weekend though. I will see how it goes next week.
I am curious about the 'angel' readings Patricia - yu will have to tell us more if you ring her.
I know what you mean about not bothering to cook just for yourself Sue. Luckily today my sons girlfriend came round to see me for a few hours so I cooked for the pair of us. It makes so much difference if you have to cook for someone else.
Well I need to do some ironing before bed. Goodnight everyone. Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hello everyone,

We are back from the caravan and had an okay time. The boys loved it but to be honest it is still quite painful for me as Wully loved it so much and it is couples all around you but I survived and I am sure the first time would be the worst. Been a busy weekend and I have a few busy days ahead of me before we go to France on Thursday so no time for tears!

Lynne - glad to hear the service was lovely and you survived. You are doing fantastic and I am sure work will be better this week.

Ailsa - glad you had some nice time on your own and feeling a bit less stressed.

Fiona - hope you got all your housework done and survived your Sunday. I hate Sunday's too.

Kev - hope you are enjoying the peace and quiet without Brad.

and hello to Patricia and Sue.

Talking of Angel readings - I phoned a medium tonight. I am not too sure about it as I think you could end up getting addicted to phoning these (and I don't think Wully would be pleased about me spending his insurance money on a phone line!) but she did say some useful stuff and a couple of things that were quite specific so I tentatively say I "think" it was good.

Take care everyone.

Gayle x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Ola!!!!! Been catching up on all your posts, boy you lot can talk lol!!!

We had a fab time!!! Think it was one of my better decisions, just what me and the kids needed. We passed the 3 month anniversary of Paul dying while we were away too but we all did well. xxxx

After my complete melt down before we went (where did all those tears come from????) we have had a lovely ovely week. Weather, hotel, food and sangria was fab!!!

We met some lovely people (although I became very aware of being surrounded by couples which brought waves of sadness every now and then, but I rode the waves and stayed strong!!!) Son told a family we met about Paul which I was surprised about but also pleased he felt he could talk about it, he doesn`t always!!!

Missed the chats on here and a big hi to our new friends. Think we `d all be lost without this site

Helen xxxx

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?