Pain

I found that too I recently watched wedding  disc we had compiled and sobbed like I never have before. It really did affect me and I didn’t finish it. I just couldn’t. Seeing him look so alive well and handsome and me happy something we won’t ever have again together.  I totally understand that you have bad feelings as I’ve had feelings if I don’t really care if anything happens to me, it would be easier to have gone together all very negative thoughts but I think it’s only natural thoughts. We loved them we want to be with them.  
However you have children that you need too and as they all say it will get better or easier to deal or cope with. It’s just difficult to believe at the moment. Your loved one will want you to keep going and be strong that’s what I get told and that he wouldn’t want to see you like this.  Have you had grief counselling or support or anything like that ?

I woke up at 1am this morning Sunday and got a cuppa green tea and a biscuit strangely enough which my husband would do in the silly hours of the morning when he was ill and not sleeping and restless. It’s now 3 am and I’m still awake so came on here …..
Just troubled by everything, have been awake talking aloud thinking about the fact everything changed when he died and how everything you do on a daily basis is affected.Daily routine gone, daily decisions, shopping ,food planning cooking and healthy eating (even though I can cook I just can’t be bothered sometimes to make that effort.). Just getting up every morning every little thing is so hard and different. I have work tomorrow again I should have been exhausted from today but here I am wide awake. It has been a difficult week with added stresses.

Now even a silly thing I’ve been also thinking about the car I have an older one with decent mileage for the last two years we had discussed upgrading these were mostly my husbands decisions it had an advisory on it but my husband said it’s ok nothing wrong with it but he hadn’t driven since last October now im thinking it’s worsening and need it checked and it’s now down to me to sort this if my husband was here he would reassure me its ok don’t worry about it!! My gut instinct says get it checked so I will have to. 

Anyway going to try to settle down again ! 

I am so sorry you are going through this horror. I cannot watch anything potentially where there is a clip of my husband. It would finish me off, and I am not sure I would be able to come back from it. I can just about manage photos. The pain and grief are too much. I also want to be with my husband, but I can’t leave our adult children to fend for themselves. It is a cruel world, and they still need me. I am 60, and I also feel that my life is over. I am in ‘Limbo”. I am still trying to find a way through. It is just based on sheer survival. Sending hugs, Kate. Xxx