My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone.  Linda I had some one to one counselling sessions with a lovely lady from CRUSE.  I had to wait a long time though but that may have been just where I live.  I found the meetings a huge benefit.  Just like you my family were lovely but I found it very difficult to speak about how I really felt to people who knew me & Chris for fear of upsetting them.  I couldn't bear to see them hurting.  The lady from CRUSE was very nice but with all due respect to her I found that I didn't have to worry about her feelings.  I didn't need to worry about shocking her or upsetting her with the things that were going on in my head.  I was coming up towards the first anniversary of losing Chris and was re-living every detail almost minute by minute.  I have a particularly good memory for dates so every appointment & event leading up to the 2nd May 2009 was etched in my mind & causing me a big problem.  The lady from CRUSE & my lovely friends on here got me through so I would recommend giving a CRUSE counsellor a go.  You can get the local number from their website and the people who answer their phones are lovely.  Good luck with it if you decide to give it a go.

Sue (Suetoy) welcome to this thread.  It goes without saying that I wish you didn't need to be here but you are more than welcome.  This is so difficult a time for you and I completely understand that letting someone know that it is your 36th wedding anniversary is very important.  Wedding anniversaries are very personal dates which not a lot of other people in our lives remember.  Don't feel like an idiot.  Like Sue says, I feel safe with the anonymoty that I get from posting on here.  You will always find this is somewhere were you can write down the things that we all find so very sad but don't want to drag other people down with.  Sending you huge (((hugs))) for you & Pete's anniversary.  It will be Chris & my 34th wedding anniversary on the 23rd July, very close to the first anniversary of you losing your husband.  I will be thinking of you.

Rosemary it sounds like Sam & Dan have been thinking about you and Steve on your 31st wedding anniversary.  That is really nice.  I can empathise with you wishing that more people would bring flowers for Steve though.  My children are not too bad about taking flowers to Chris's grave.  Toni does it the most with Stu the least but they all do it.  Chris is buried with his Dad & older brother but his family don't go either which I find very odd and sometimes upsetting.  I made a big effort to include all 3 men in the curb and the bench after he died but that doesn't seem to have encouraged his family to go more often.  I think one of his sisters goes sometimes but she doesn't usually leave any sign that she has been which I find a little sad.  I suppose everyone has their own way of grieving.

Judi it sounds like your Amsterdam trip with your friends was great fun.  It is lovely to hear from you.  I think this site will always draw us back - we have a lot to thank it for.  I hope it won't be too long before we meet up with you again.

Gayle how is Billie dog doing?  I hope there has been some improvement in her appetite.  Have a great time at T in the Park and then on your holiday with the boys afterwards.  I can't wait for September and our weekend break.  Can't see me leaving the hotel once.  Just want to relax and catch up with everyone.

Patricia I hope your Dad is beginning to pick up now he is on the IV antibiotics.  This is such a worry for you.  Try to keep your chin up.  When does your sisiter come home?

Dot, Sue, it is lovely to hear from you.  Sue the penguin pictures are a good as ever.  I haven't heard back since registering my penguin adoption but hopefully it won't be long then I can get along to visit the little chap (or chapess!).

Sorry - hit the button too soon and didn't say goodnight!  Definately must be time for bed!.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Dear All,

It may be of interest to you that the Bereaved Partners Support Group will be holding its next session on Monday 18th July. The Bereaved Partners Support Group (BPSG) is a new support group for people who have lost their partners to cancer. The aim of the group is to create a regular space for people to share stories and experiences with others who have experienced a similar kind of loss. It will be held at the Vale Community Centre in northwest London from 6:30pm – 8:30pm.

We aim to show people they are not alone in their grief and to support them through their loss. The group is defined by its users and we want to make sure we continuously provide reliable and beneficial support, therefore, the group will evolve according to members’ needs. We will have the chance to share experiences over refreshments, and we will occasionally have speakers, which will be announced on our website. However, a constant element of the group is space – the space is there for you to talk, listen, or simply to be. If you are bereaved please do feel free to come along. We are here to support you. And please do spread the word to anybody you think may benefit from the group.

Please see our website for details:

www.bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

Warm wishes,

Erin Thompson

erin.thompson@bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

Hello everyone

Patricia, I do hope your dad is starting to show a little improvement.  As the others said, get yourself into the middle and let us take care of you for a change.  

Rosemary, your children sound so thoughtful, trying in their own ways to help you get through the day.  I find also that sometimes people don't always do what we would like, Dan used to tell me that they don't always know what I want but they are thinking of you.

Linda, I did go for a few individual counselling sessions and to two groups, one had two parts.  At each group, I met a very good friend.  The Coping Centre was wonderful for me, but I am in Canada. It was a group just for widows, I made a friend there who went to the second group with me also and now all of that group meet for dinner every month or so.  She is also travelling with me to Gaspe this weekend.  It is so nice to have someone who totally understands what I am feeling.  The individual sessions were expensive and were ok but not the best for me. 

I am nearly at the end of my first week at home although I did go into work a few times to finish up.  I have been keeping myself busy getting the car checked out for the trip, today I want to take it in to the car wash (lots of dog hair) but it is getting more difficult to be alone for so long.  I am glad I am able to plan my trips with only a week at home alone in between.  I will be in Newfoundland on my 30th anniversary in August and I have asked my cousin to plan something just to be out and about for that day.  We are hoping to see the St. John's Regatta on the 3rd which is supposed to be really fun and we have tickets to see Johnny Reid on the 12th, I am in love with him! 

The first trip is on Saturday to Montreal and then Gaspe on Sunday with my widow friend.  It is a very long drive but should be really different showing someone around who has never been there.  A lot of the family will also be there at the same time so it will be crowded but fun. 

Sendin hugs to all

love Bren

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I  am still on the fence really as to whether i want to go speak to someone,  it only eight weeks since Bob passed away, so its just so completely raw still.

It feels like there are so many firsts to face, putting just my name on cards, bbq without Bob, and going to place we went to together. Kate is now preparing to be away with the school for a few days, another first,  which feels like quite a challenge to face, although i am really excited for her too.

My thoughts are with all who post on here.

Linda x x

my husband passed 6/12/10 aged 58yrs after six wks from being diagnosed!! life has been hard at times, the loneliness is the hardest to cope with,  i have been ratty this week feel like just running away from it all, but i have kids at home and a full time job to see to, i keep asking myself WHY WHY WHY??? i think i'm at the anger stage things just seem to get on top of me too easily, i feel like i'm working for nothing they taking loads of tax of me. feel like going part-time, but will i ?   sorry!!! just having a bad week i tried counselling at the begining but felt it did nothiing for me. still don't wish to continue it have stopped my depressents aswell. trying to get myself trought it best i can 

 Hi Penguins,  Sorry i have not posted for awhile again, my dad is back in hospital with another chest infection he seems to be getting over it again but has been very low. He is looking at getting home next week but we have to wait and see as he is not steady on his feet. Hope you are all doing ok or the best you can. Welcome to all the new penguins and sorry you find yourselves on this site, but keep posting as i am now two and a half years down this nightmare and don't know where i would have been without all the lovely friends i have met on here. I had a few bad days last week i have great family and friends but just feel so alone at times. I am looking after Charlie for the day and he is staying over as Kim and G off to Tin the Park, he is having a nap just now so thought i would catch up on the posts i have missed so much. Well i am sending everyone a big hug and hopefully i will get back on soon. love to all. xxxxxxx   

Fiona, so sorry your dad is still so unwell. I understand that worry completely. I hope that he soon becomes well enough and strong enough to return home. Take care of yourself too. It is so easy to ignore one's own health when caring for others.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening Penguins

It has been quite a while since i last posted, not really sure why. Been busy at work and have a habit of blocking things out by watching movies etc when I am at home.

Things are up and down for all of us I guess, it feels like life has given us the ultimate punishment and things should be easy for us from then on but life keep throwing the punches. Oh sorry there are good things too. My head is in a difficult place at the moment, it will be 1 year this sunday. This week has just been filled with flash backs of this time last year.............

I hope you are all in a bit better place, I am looking forward to our meet in september. my head will be in a better place.

take care all you lovely penguins

becky

Hello, could you please let me know more about the meet? x