My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Becky, this is a very difficult and emotional time for you. These anniversaries seem to knock the stuffing out of everyone. i hope you have people around you on the day. I will be thinking of you and sending lots of supporting vibes your way. It is time for you to go the the middle of the huddle and be cosseted.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning all.  Feels like an age since I last posted on here.  Good morning to everyone and welcome to new people.  Sorry - the problem when this site changed for me has always been that I can't look back at posts & if Ihaven't made notes I struggle with who said what!  To new people, I hope you are still looking in.  I look in regularly but can't post on here off my ipad so when I am rushing about I don't get time to wait for a computer to fire up!  Think I need an app!

My Dad is having a few problems right now as well.  Seems to be a few in the same situation.  It is so worrying and and so draining.  Dad is comfortabe and waiting to be moved to Sheffield.  He should go today he's been told.  I am so pleased as we get on with the next bit of his treatment but the hospital is further away and unfamiliar to me.  Mum can get a taxi on ahead of me in the afternoon to our local hospital but she can't really do that to Sheffield without spending a fortune.  I need to get the first Sheffield visit out of the way so that I know how it works.  It is a very big hospital and Mum has difficulty walking.  She doesn't use her wheelchair willingly and it won't fit in my little car anyway.  I might be able to figure a way to do it so I need to ask her if I can get it in will she consider using it until we at least track Dad down this evening.  Fiona I have been thinking about you & your Dad over the weekend.  I hope things improve for you this week.  I know there are more plans for Lynnes Dad & Patricia I think you have said your Dad is improving.  What a worry for us all.  Sending you all (((hugs)))

Becky how are you after the weekend?  The flashback are horrible aren't they?  I seriously struggled with them.  I hope you are okay today, it will be good to see you soon.

Morning Patricia & Bren and everyone else looking in.  I need to go and get ready for work now.  Missing Chris a little more these past 2 days.  I went to a 30th wedding anniversary party over the weekend for one of Chris's work colleagues.  I am so pleased they asked me but that is the 2nd weekend on the trot that I have found myself feeling very on my own in a room full of couples.  This do in particular reminded me of how Chris loved his job and these people.  Most of them I haven't seen since his funeral.  Very odd when I was introduced to a new senior manager as Chris's wife and she knew who they were talking about.  Nice but very, very sad.

Right - take care everyone & as Helen would say - keep swimming.  Ailsa xxx

Morning to everyone.  Looks like everyone is quite busy these days, not so many posts so I do hope that means you are all busy doing good things.  Sending hugs to you all who have Dad's with ill health.  Ailsa, I hope the hospital visit went well and that you were able to figure out a way to get your mom there.

I am just bac k from Gaspe, so many family it was wonderful.  I had taken a friend from my widow's group and she loved it.  We were very busy touring around and saw so many creatures and scenery.  Lots and lots of whales, an eagle, she is a birder and found many new birds there.  It was so great for me to be around family.  I had a really good talk with Danny's cousin who I didn't see last year.  He and Dan were quite close and talked on the phone all the time.  It was very good for me to talk to him.  Our weather was so perfect and then we drove back to Montreal for a day.  There and here have been a major heat wave so not so nice.  The dog had a great time running free on the beach.

This week is a busy one for me too.  I am seeing the doctor tomorrow about my knees, it is early degeneration of the joints and I don't expect he can do very much about that.  Then must get the hair done later in the day.  I  have a friend coming over one night to discuss building me some sort of privacy shelter in my yard so I can enjoy it without the nosy neighbour gawking all the time.  He can do that when I am not here next week. 

I am off to Newfoundland on Monday for two weeks.  But because of dog sitting, I now have to drive to Peterborough (about 3 hours) on Saturday to drop the dog with BIL, spend the night there and drive to their house in Toronto and spend Sunday night alone there before going to the airport on Monday.  I managed to grab an extra little holiday there.   Poor cat is not having a great summer, he had dental surgery late in June which was very expensive and boarded at the vet until last night and going back for another two weeks.  I will be needing my pay when I go back to work for sure.

I also want to catch up with some friends this week and get some work done in the house so at least I won't have a lot of time to be lonely.

Sendin all lots of love and hugs and  do hope you are all doing well

Hi all my lovely penguins,

Have not posted for a while but have been following the thread.  I got back from a holiday in Lanzarote last Tuesday and have found it an emotive few days.  Am feeling back on top of it now.  I think I am having to get my head around the fact that this is as good as it is going to get.  Good days and bad days.  But probably the good days are starting to get more and the bad days a tad fewer.  I did have a problem on holiday of thinking of Martin only when he was ill, which I thought I had overcome.  But I think that it was me feeling guilty.  You know, the same old thing , I am out enjoying myself  (well trying)  and he cannot. 

I am having Matin's ashes interred on Thursday.  It will be his birthday and it is just going to be a small family affair.  My daughter is coming across from Wales with the family and joining my other daughter and her family who live close by.  It has taken me over 9 months to decide what to do with Martin's ashes, and then it just came to me.  I have Martin in my heart always, but I feel the family want a place they can go and that is not a bad thing is it. 

Then on Saturday, I will be starting back to work.  only one Saturday every other week, showing people around houses, but it is just enough to get me back into the workforce gently.  I have such a cotton wool mind at the moment, so think this will be just what I need and then I can think about doing more later if I want to.  But I am really nervous about it.  Silly isn't it. 

So it will be a very emotive week this week, all things considered. 

It was 10 months on Sunday since I lost Martin and it seems to have gone so quickly, but such a lot has happened and so much water has passed under that bridge.  I am in a place I never wanted to be, a place where Martin seems so far away.  But it had to come, I could not keep dragging him along behind me forever.  But is is so sad isn't it.  That is something I cannot seem to lose, the sadness of it all.

But life goes on and we must too.  So I just wanted to stop and thank you all for your support.  I can remember those first few weeks and months when you were the only thing that kept me sane and perhaps, kept me here.  I am stronger now and feel like a child who has found out he can now fend for himself.  But also know that I will still need you all and this great thread that has cheered so many peguins over time. Even in your own troubles you streach out a hand to all who are in need. 

I, like Bren, am sending you all lots of hugs and hope that your days will be kind to you.;

Keep swimming all my lovely penguins

Take care

Pammie xx

Hi Bren, I am worn out reading about your trips. You seem to lead a very busy life but I guess part of that is just your way of getting through this terrible journey you have been forced into . I am sorry to hear you are having trouble with your knees. That cannot be much fun. ((((((hugs)))))))

Pammie, I hope that you managed to enjoy some part of your holiday. You have no reason to feel guilty for enjoying yourself but of course it is understandable that you do.  I hope that the internment of the 'ashes' goes well and that it goves comfort o you all knowing that Martin has a 'special' place.  ((((hugs))))

Ailsa, I hope that your dad is starting to improve and that you are not worrying yourself into a frenzy.((((hugs))))

My dad is home from hospital and doing fairly well. He is still very week but is allowing us to take care of him. The dietician has suggested yet more supplements to help him to increase his weight.

Son's partner is still encased in a support boot. It is now 6 months since she broke her leg and still she is fairly immobile. Poor girl must be going crazy.

Kanon has cut her first tooth at the age of 6 1/2 months.  No furhter news to tell at present.

Love and angel hugs to all who post here x x x  Patricia x x x

Good evening everyone.  Bren, Pammie, what packed lives you are both leading.  Bren I am glad to hear you have had such a good time with your friend and your family.  I have big plans to start more travelling & sightseeing but just need my Dad to start getting better then I can do something about it.  I doubt it will be anything like your at first though but I will get there.  Pam you have done fantastically in just 10 months.  It is so very sad - a feeling I still feel but maybe not as often as before.  I know there will always be a bit of sadness there just to catch me unawares from time to time.  I am so glad you have taken your time and finally decided what to do with Martin's ashes.  I am a fan of having somewhere that family can go to when they feel the need.  Chris wanted to be buried with his Dad & brother so I have had a place to go since his funeral.  I still go once a week and have a little chat with him.  It was our 34th wedding anniversary last Saturday and at times like that having a place to go is very important.  I will be thinking of you on Thursday.

Bren you have a lovely time with all the rest of your plans.  I look forward to seeing the pictures on facebook.  I hope your cat is feeling okay now.  You're right - not so many posts on here these days but I still gravitate back here as I don't always feel I can post how I am feeling on facebook even on hidden pages.  Have a great time and maybe you will get a chance to post along the way.

Well I should be off to bed.  With Dad still in hospital I am getting up at 5:30 for a 6:30 start at work to allow me to get off by 2:30 to get Mum through to see him.  In himself he is making a good recovery from the stent procedure after his heart attack but he has some underlying health problems that are causing a few concerns and keeping him in hospital.  He won't be able to drive for at least another 3 weeks so Ailsa's taxis have quite a bit more work to do yet.  Good job I love them both really isn't it?  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Evening Patricia - sorry I missed your post, looks like we crossed.  I'm glad your Dad is home and I hope he continues to make good progress.  How lovely that Kanon has cut her first tooth.  I can't believe how fast time goes.  Dad is so bored after only 2 weeks of being restricted so I can only begin to imagine how bored your son's partner is after 6 months with a cast on.  I hope it is soon off.  How are you doing?  Sounds like your sleep is still very odd indeed.  Ailsa xxx

Evening everyone,

Pam, that sounds a lovely thing to do with Martin's ashes.  I didn't know what to do with Wully's either but scattered some at the beach and I like to go and visit there on special dates.  Good luck with the job, I know you had talked about doing something when we were in Liverpool and I think it will do you the world of good.  Patricia, glad your dad is doing well at home and like Ailsa says doesn't time fly.  I can't believe the baby is now over 6 months.  Ailsa, I feel tired thinking about all your driving :)  I hope your dad improves soon and can come home.   Billie dog is doing okay at the moment, thanks for asking.  She has been at my mums for about 3 weeks now because she stays there when I am away and I was at T in the Park then home for one night then away for work then home for one night then our holiday so she just stayed there the whole time rather than her coming back and forward.  Her eating is still off and on and when you look at her she looks like a little old lady now.  Hopefully there are a few years left in her yet though!  She will be enjoying the peace from Mali our siamese who is absolutely mental!  She is quite a character though and certainly brightens up the house with her antics.  I have never met a cat like her and she is almost like a little dog.  Highly intelligent cat which is a dangerous mixture in cats lol.  Bren, your trip sounds very busy but very good.  I hope you get on okay at the docs with your knee and get some relief.

We got back from our holidays on Friday and had a lovely time.  It was lovely meeting Dave and the boys and for their kind hospitality.  We didn't have the greatest weather but it was good to get away and relax and spend some quality time with the boys.  We did a couple of theme parks too which they loved and Ewan has adopted a donkey on the isle of wight although he assures me it won't be coming for visits!  They were great in the car as it was very long journeys we did so I was very proud of them as they did 6 hour journeys without a single complaint which is amazing for their age.  I had a fairly quiet weekend catching up with stuff and back to work tomorrow.  I love my job and it isnt like me but I just can't be bothered.  I will be fine once I get started but I could do with another week off to recover from all my driving last week :)  I don't really have much else to report.  Just ticking over as we all are.  Still pretty fed up and tired of being a single parent but not much I can do about that!  I just need to hire a maid to make me cups of tea at night lol.  I think its probably because I haven't had a break from the boys until today (which sounds terrible!) but you know what I mean.  They are hard work and tiring.  Anyway, I better hit the sack as it is getting late and back in the office tomorrow.

Take care penguins and lots of love.

Gayle xxx

Hi

Just a few more days at home and off again.  It has been a busy week and the cat is again not doing well so off to the vet this morning.  He is old (15) and diabetic and I guess it is his turn to be ill.  I haven't done nearly what I had want to sort out the house this week but I now need to start packing once again.  Different sort of clothes from Gaspe which is very isolated and casual. 

Pammie, I planted a tree for Dan last summer on his birthday in Gaspe on his mom's land.  We put some of the ashes under the tree and I scatter most of the rest in the bay as he had asked.  I am glad I did plant the tree, although it is so far away, it is a spot that is on family land and we all can visit when we are able to get there.  His mom is still there, she spends most of the summer there and I think it is a comfort for her also. 

Ailsa, I am very fortunate that I can do so much travelling or running away sometimes.  I am visiting with family so don't have hotels to worry about.  I am laid off for 8 weeks every summer and although I do love my summers off, it is far too long for me to stay home alone without working.  After 1 week, I do start getting very lonely even if I go out with friends, it is always just me alone every night.  It is great to not have to work but it would sometimes be nice to have a holiday during the school year and that is not allowed most times.  So I am seeing quite a lot of family this year, probably won't be able to keep it up every year, especially with this cat who is costing me more than my vacations lately.  You will get away when you are able.  Hope your dad is doing better.

I hope to be able to post some more photos from Newfoundland.  My cousin seems to have lots of fun plans for us.

Bren

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Dear All,

The Bereaved Partners Support Group will be holding its next session on Monday 15^th August. The Bereaved Partners Support Group (BPSG) is a support group for people who have lost their partners to cancer. The aim of the group is to create a regular space for people to share experiences and/or network with others who have experienced a similar kind of loss. It will be held at the Vale Community Centre in northwest London from 6:30pm – 8:30pm.

We aim to show people they are not alone in their grief and to support them through their loss. We will have the chance to share experiences over refreshments, and will also be planning some group activities for our members (both in-group activities and day outings) so do feel free to come along and let us know what you would like to do.

If you are bereaved please do feel free to come along. We are here to support you. And please do spread the word to anybody you think may benefit from the group.

Please see our website for details:

www.bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

Best wishes,

Erin Thompson

erin.thompson@bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

07761-466-713