My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Well I got home about an hour ago after dad was readmitted to hospital. He was only discharged on Saturday and got progressively worse since. He now has an IVI and I am waiting to hear whether he will be given more antibiotics. Although I am obviously worried, I feel a little more settled. Still crying a lot but I am such a softie.

Sue, sorry I missed Alan's birthday. I hope you managed to gert through the day ok ((((angel hugs)))))

Gayle, big ((((angel hugs)))) for you too.

The penguin huddle is here for all who need it. I am standing with my flippers open ready to enfold you as much as possible.

I hope all who post here manage to have a good day.

Love and angel hugs x x x  Patricia x x x

Dear Patricia

I'm so sorry your Dad is back in hospital again - I do hope the docs can help him feel more comfortable.  I think perhaps you should take a turn in the middle of the huddle and let us take care of you......so shuffle in there and I will take a turn on the outside....... (((hugs))) xx

Sue - just sending you a big (((hug))) xx

Judi - lovely to see you posting.... xx

To everyone that visits here a big (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) and a wish for better days to come for you all

Love and more (((hugs)))

Dot xxxx

Hello to all,

I am a newbie to the group, and was wondering if i could ask  if anyone has talked to someone at  the bearevement support groups like Cruise. I am lucky that i have a lovely family and friends, but just feel i can't explain to them how i am feeling. I not sure what to say or how to put it, i not even sure what to say now, all i do know is its a short time since Bob passed away, its 8 weeks tomorrow, but it all hurts so much.

LInda x

Morning, Linda

I haven't personally had any counselling, but i know that there are others who have, and i'm sure they will be along later to point you in the right direction.I know that some GPs or hospices offer counselling - might be worth asking the question.

i can totally relate to your saying that you're not really sure what to say.The enormity of our situation  seems such that to even begin to unravel our emotions is too great a task.My overwhelming feeling was numbness - if I'm honest, it probably still is. Going through the motions of everyday life takes up all my energy. ~i do a lot of charity work, and am involved in plenty of things, but it's still there - the aching void, the disbelief,  the aloneness, the sadness and the numbness. After 2 years maybe I've become more accustomed to living with it, most of the time anyway. 

i know I've said it before on many occasions, but this site, and in particular this thread, has been my lifeline. I'm not comfortable with talking  face-to-face with people, but here I have a degree of anonymity with which I can cope. Probably the most reassuring aspect of it all is that, no matter what I or anyone else says, someone else can always relate to it, so the feeling of having to go it alone is lessened.

Please keep posting, Linda - someone will have thoughts on counselling. I have been assured that it is not for the faint-hearted, it may take us to places which are hard to visit, but maybe we would be better off visiting them. i don't know.

i hope this makes some sort of sense to you - I feel a bit 'rambly' today!

Lots of love, and into the centre of the huddle with you.

Sue xx

Dear Linda, you don't have to think about what you want to say. Bereavement councillors will often help you along. They may ask a few questions to guide you. It is not compulsory to talk. I had a few sessions at the local hospice where I thought it was going to be group sessions but ended up being more on a one to one basis. I also went to an actual group session. I am not sure which I preferred because I came out of both having sobbed into my tissues. I did however find that a few days later things felt a little better. This site is also very therapeutic as we can come here and write things down thereby releasing somne of the frustration and heartache and total devastation we are feeling. You are so new to this terrible situation and my heart goes out to you. I hope you go to the session and find some benefit from it. I will say though that it is worth attending more than one session before you decide whether it is useful or not. Good luck  (((hugs)))x x

Sue, you are doing so much with your life but you worry me. I wonder if you are actually allowing yourself any time to grieve for your lovely Allan? I feel your pain and wish I could help in some way but know that I can't.  I know you have just had a very difficult day to get through ((((hugs))) x x x

Dot, I hope things are going well for you and your Alan x x

To all Penguins, have the best day you can and try to enjoy the summer and make lots of new and happy memories to sustain you through the winter months.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi All

I've not posted on this particular forum before but I have posted on We Talk Brain Tumours & Glioblastoma Why, Why, Why. My husband Pete died of a Grade 4 Glioblastoma Brain Tumour on 24 July 2010  after a two year struggle so it's coming up for a year since he died. Today is our 36th wedding Anniversary and I took the day off work as I knew I wouldn't be able to put on the brave face that I've done (mainly) since he died. I have wandered around aimlessly not knowing what to do with myself. Daft really because we never were the type to celebrate our anniversaries in a big way BUT today all I can think of is how he was on our 35th anniversary (very, very poorly indeed) and I want also to let someone know it is our anniversary. So hence the post as I couldn't think where else I could do this type of thing without appearing a real idiot.

My heart goes out to all that have lost a loved one. Nothing is ever the same again nor is it easy getting on with ones life.

Sue

Hi, Sue

I'm so sorrry that you've needed to join us, but - welcome to the thread, if that makes sense.   I've been through 2 wedding anniversaries since Alan died, and our silver wedding is next week, so i can truly empathise with the aimless wandering - I have a degree in it. You are also approaching the 'first year ' date, which is emotionally a difficult day to deal with.

We all have A levels in brave faces - in fact, if one more person says to me that I am so strong, that i cope so well, that I am getting on with my life ......... i might be forced to hit them.    

you don't appear a 'real idiot' to me, neither will you appear so to the other lovely penguins on this thread. (some time ago, one of our girlies likened us to a group of penguins, who look out for each other and who take turns to huddle around the more vulnerable members, giving them protection and strength until they feel a bit more able to cope - hence the penguin analogy. I haven't completely lost the plot, honestly!)

so, into the middle of the huddle with you, if you would like, and be kept safe by the rest of us. Keep on posting, Sue - there is always someone around to give you the support that you need.

Sue xx

Hello penguins,

Linda, I haven't personally had counselling either but I know Ailsa did and I think it helped her?  I couldn't have survived without this thread and the lovely friends I have made on here.  We now usually meet up at least a couple of times a year and they meetings are also a lifeline.  I am counting down to our next one in September.  Sue, I am so sorry for your loss and your anniversary.  As Patricia said you are also dealing with coming up to the 1st anniversary of your loss and that is a hard one also.  I am thinking of you.  Patricia, I am sorry to hear of how poorly your dad is and it must be such a worry although perhaps less now you know he is back in hospital and getting the attention he obviously needed.  I am certain you are doing the right thing with your sister also but a difficult decision to make for you.  Lots of hugs xxx

Auntie Judes sounds like you had a much needed and deserved break and I am glad you enjoyed it so much.  I will most definitely shout you next time I am up which will probably be around end of August I think.

Lynne, big special hugs for tomorrow.  I am sure Gordon will be with you all day and smiling with you on the happy memories of your lovely wedding day.

I am up and down this week (nothing new!) but thank you all for the lovely hugs on FB.  I just felt a bit lonely and fed up with this horrid new life.  Sometimes its good just to stamp your feet and say I don't want to do this anymore.  Doesn't actually sort it but lets off a bit of steam.  July is a busy month for us so hopefully that will take some of the sadness away because I won't have time to think lol.  I'm off to T in the Park on Friday until Monday then back to work Tuesday Wednesday and then off on the three muskateers road trip :)   The boys are very excited about going on holiday and to be honest I am really looking forward to a break.  No work and no hassle and I think its just what I am needing.

Lots of love penguins

Gayle xxx

Suetoy, there is never a need to feel silly here. We all just listen and extend the hand (flipper) of friendship as our own dear Sue has already said. These anniversary dates are hard to deal with.  Your wedding anniversary .. happy memories of the day you married Pete must be very emotional for you ((hugs)) the anniversary of his passing will be another emotional time.  I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this unwanted situation.

Lynne, big hugs for tomorrow. I know how hard it is for you x x x Also, I hope your dear dad is doing a little better.(((hugs)))

Gayle, have a lovely weekend and 'three musketeer' trip. x x x

Sue, I hope you are coping with the run up to the anniversary (((hugs)))

I have been to see my dad and he is now on IV antibiotics as I suspected.  I just hope that this time he is properly well before he comes home.

Love and angel hugs to all who post here x x x Patricia x x x

Further welcomes and hugs to our new penguins and we're shuffling you right to the middle.  Patricia I think I see that you have a huddle within the huddle - that might well work for you as I know you cope with your own hurt and problems best when you are helping others, so yourself to the middle and you can huddle the others right there.

As has been said this thread is such a lifeline for us all and an ongoing counselling session in many ways too, although I know that the "real thing" can be a lot of help for many I just haven't been brave enough to try it...yet.  Today is our 31st wedding anniversary and my two kids have both been lovely, Sam brought beautiful flowers this morning (naughty girl) so they are beside Steve's photo so we can share them and Daniel brought Baileys (wicked, wicked boy!) and some After Eight's this evening, I know they want to let me know they care but I would rather they just sometimes brought flowers for Steve's garden/memorial, I feel that I'm the only one who leaves things there - his family never have. 

I don't know what any of us would have done to get through this (and to continue getting through) without Macmillan and in particular finding everyone on this thread - raising a glass of Baileys to you all new and old alike xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx