My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

happy Birthday Bren xx

Judes, I echo everything that Lynne has said.

All power to you for loving your new job and your new home, and fro rejoicing in your lovely family.

But oh for our old lives back again.

Things will never be the same, but it is up to us to live the lives that we have, because our darlings had their lives cut too short.

They will always be with us.

xx

Morning girls

I can't find any words to add to what has already been said so will leave all my special penguins buddies lots of love and many many comforting (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))).....

Maybe it's time for a (((((group hug))))????

Dot xxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love it Lynne.............that's how I think of us all - huddled together for warmth and comfort.......

Special comforting ((((((((((hugs))))))))) for you today

Dot xxx

Happy Birthday Bren, I hope you can enjoy it. x x x

Lynne, thinking of you on the run up to the anniversary. You know how to get in touch if you need a chat x xx

Judi, it is always lovely to see you have posted however long it may be. I too echo Lynne's post x x I hope you are looking forward to Boy's graduation. My daughter graduates in July and I know it will be hard for her without her dad.

Dot, I hope things are going fairly well with you and Alan x x x

As for me, I am finding things very hard at the minute. I am missing Ray so, so much. I can cry at the slightest thing but be very strong at times when most people would crack up (go figure!). Last Tuesday I went for a Spa day and had a fabulous time. I am now looking for another loverly deal so that I can do it again very soon. Just wish that I could shed all the excess weight but it seems to like being with me. Oh well, at least I have reasonable health so I guess I really should not complain. Today I just want to hide away but I promised to go visit my son over on The Wirral. I am sure that once I arrive I shall feel much better as I will be getting baby cuddles too.

Love and angel hugs to all who post here. x x x Patricia x x x

Judi you one hundred percent have the right to post on here dingbat, you are and always will be a very special member of our huddle and always welcome however often you pop in.  Ed would be so very proud of all you have done to get to where you are now, he will be supporting everything you are doing now.  I have felt some of what you describe from time to time, the feeling that I can do this, things will be alright, but I wouldn't say I ever feel safe as I know things can and still do hurt me and he isn't here to help me cope.  I think it's best not to analyse things too much, especially not the pain and strength thing just be bl***y proud of yourself for not only swimming but learning to do the high dive as well!  xxxxxxxxxx

Patricia I do worry about you a lot, I;m sorry you are struggling still and very tearful, is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings?  It is lovely to have our families to keep us going and give us strength and purpose but sometimes it just serves to make us feel more alone doesn't it?  I know I miss Steve so much and feel almost jealous of Sam and Dan that they have their partners to turn to and lean on now and just to have them there to come home to.  Sending you lots of love and shuffling you into the middle of the huddle where I know you will be extra caring of Lynne (yes Lynne you've just been shuffled in there too), cos that's what you do when you are hurting don't you?  You care for someone else, but sometime you have to let us care for you too xxxxxxxx

Happy birthday (((hugs))) Ailsa xxxxxxxx

Happy birthday Ailsa xx

Morning everyone.  Thank you for the birthday wishes Dot & Sue & everyone who has posted on facebook.  I have been keeping track on here but treated myself to an ipad for my birthday and I can't post on here from it - only read.

Judi it is lovely to hear from you and you have every right to post and let us all know how things are.  None of us post quite as much as we did and that is a good sign but I love to think that we will always all be friends and know we can find each other here.

Patricia I know you miss Ray so much.  I am sending you lots of (((hugs))).  We all have different ways of dealing with how we feel but the main thing for me is knowing I can say what I feel on here so you must always do the same & then we can all be there for you.

Lynne I keep thinking about your Dad & I hope he is okay today.  I know it is usually 'as well as he can be' but I am willing him to pick up xxx

Bren I hope you had a lovely birthday last week xxx

Morning Rosemary - I bet you are beside the pool with Sam taking in the sun!  Absolutely perfect on a day like today.

I have the day off for my birthday today.  Stu & Suzanne are taking me shopping & for some lunch in a little while.  They are doing okay.  There is still no date for the funeral because of legal stuff.  Becky gave me a utility belt for my birthday for my DIY - my kids know me so well.  Toni & Liams gift of adopting a penguin for me is so thoughtful - it is a Humboldt Penguin (pic at the top of this post) & is at the Sealife centre in Scarborough - don't know anything else till the paperwork comes through.

Well I need to get ready for Stu & Suzanne so have a lovely day everyone.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx