My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sending big hugs Gayle for this weekend.  Lynne, good luck for tomorrow.

I haven't posted much lately, just have been so down but I am now on meds and it seems to be helping a little.  I am out tonight to a friend's for dinner to celebrate her birthday today and also mine next week.  Tomorrow, I am going to visit another friend who lives in the country, only about ten minute drive for me.  Only 2 weeks left to work and they are difficult to get through as there is so much to do and all the teachers are done and want to party!  But they will go fast.  I am really looking forward to getting over the border into the states to go shopping next weekend.  I really have a long list of chore that I should be doing around the house and I suppose I will get to them eventually. 

Sending lots of love to all

Bren

Evening everyone.  Bren I am really pleased to hear that you have started on some medication that seems to be helping.  I hope the next 2 weeks go really fast for you and then you can switch off for your holidays.  Ignore the chores - they can wait.

Fiona I am sorry to hear you are feeling down but I am sure the Take That concert will go a long way to lifting your spirits.  Have a great time.

Becky how are you - you sound ever so busy so make sure you are getting some down time as well.

I have had a packed weekend with every kind of thing.  I took Declan to an Erasure concet on Friday near Nottingham.  We had a lovely time and he makes me giggle.  It rained a bit but nowhere near what was forecast so a great time was had by us all.  I have done the York Race for Life today and the rain stayed off for that as well.  Well done Lynne on completing your race for life as well.  I hope the rain stayed off for you as well.

There are not a lot of places I feel like I can mention this but a few of you may remember me mentioning my son's girlfriend Suzanne from time to time.  Tragically on Saturday Suzanne's 6 year old nephew was run down and killed by a hit & run driver.  The poor family are beside themselves and I just don't know what I can do to help.  My son has stayed right by Suzanne's side since the news broke.  Stu & Suzanne must be feeling so got at recently as they have both lost their dad's (or father figure in Suzanne's case) and now this.  I went to the cemetery today to take a card for Chris from Toni as she is away on holiday.  I cried more than I have cried in a while just asking Chris to watch out for the little mite, tell him he is uncle Stu's dad & make sure he finds his grandad.  An unfortunate affect of losing someone to cancer means we know only too well how it might be feeling for the family and I find that very, very upsetting.

Sorry for the miserable post but I needed somewhere to say how I felt about this and it is not my grief to put anywhere else.  I hope you understand.

Now I am not sure what else I was going to write so I hope everyone is okay this evening and hope you all have a good week.  Take care xxx  

Oh, Ailsa, I am so sorry to hear this news.  I cannot begin to imagine how the family are feeling - devastated won't begin to describe it.

Ailsa, take care of yourself. We are still far more fragile than we would like to believe. I know that you will want to support stu and Suzanne through this tragic time, but remember that you are still grieving yourself for Chris.

Sending a big hug just for you.

Sue xx

Thank you Sue.  It just all gets a little much now & then doesn't it?  I am hoping I think of something in the next few days that might help them in some way even if it is only something practical.

Lynne I hope you got to spend some time with your step daughter today.

Fiona I love the photos on facebook of Charlie sitting in Derek's headstone.  Little kids are so funny.  Take care everyone xxx

Ailsa, I saw that on the news. Such a terrible and tragic loss of a young life. There are no words to describe how his family must be feeling. Rest peacefully little one.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Dear Ailsa

I have no words to help just plenty of big comforting ((((((((((hugs))))))))) for you all

Love and more ((((hugs))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxx

Ailsa (((((((hugs))))))))))) i really don't know what to say to such tragic news ,there is nothing to add to what has already been said . My heart goes out to the poor family and i can only hope that somehow they find some comfort from people surrounding them at this time xxxx  

Yes i did get to spend time with my Step daughter on sunday and i'd made my mind up to send them both messages on sunday morning , i thought i send messages to everybody else so i would send them a few words , they both text me back straight away with some lovely words and when i saw Jo later i told her how much i missed her and what we had (and i really do ) we both cried (again) and i'm hoping that things change now . I have still got to tell them about K and i have made my mind up to do so soon . I feel so much closer to them now and i can only think that it was the grieving process that was making us all push each other away and i hope we can all be friends again. 

Well done on the race for life Ailsa , yes the rain did keep away and i was so proud of Beth , she had to have a little "piggy back" a couple of times and i asked her if she wanted me to phone her daddy to come and fetch her , she said No i want to finish it for Grandad Gordon and Na na , i was so proud and there were lots of tears yesterday and a few today for mums birthday . Dad is so miserable we really don't know what to do with him , the 1 thing he wants and he can't have (as we all know ) .

 Anyway sending special penguin hugs to all that need them , epecially Gayle , tommorow will soon be over and we're all here for you . ((((hugs)))

Take care all

Lynne xxxxx

Lynne, Patricia, Dot & Sue - I will make sure I pass on your hugs to Suzanne's family.

Lynne it sounds like Beth did a grand job completing her race for life.  Happy birthday to your dear Mum - you must miss her so much.  I think about your Dad & how he is doing a lot.  I'm sending special penguin hugs straight back for you and for Gayle and the boys for tomorrow.  Lynne I am so glad that it seems you can maybe get close to your step-daughters again - so glad it went well with them over the weekend.

Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

your post actualy made me stop everything and go cuddle my hubby i might have cancer im so afraid to do that to my son and husband

Thank you everyone for all your lovely texts and messages.  You penguins are truly the most amazing women I have ever met and I really couldn't have survived without my lovely special friends.  I can't wait to see you all again in September as it feels like ages since I have seen you all!

Well the day went okay.  As per the usual the build up was worse and it definetly wasn't as bad as last year.  I think Fathers Day will always feel like the day he died even though it was the 21st so I would say I was okay yesterday but upset on Sunday.  Having the fun day helped as it kept us busy and afterwards the boys and I went to the crematorium. They had never been before but they were brilliant.  I tried to not get too upset but ended up crying and Jamie just wrapped himself around him and said he would look after me and never let me go till I was okay.  He is such a good boy.  Ewan who lives in his own little bubble asked me why I was crying and I told him it was because I miss his daddy and he said "don't cry you have happy memories"!!! where did that come from???  It actually sounded like something Wully would say.  They were little stars.  Although on Monday Jamie's teacher called me over as he had been crying at school and I explained we had a tough weekend.  I don't think it is because he misses his dad as such as he doesn't really remember but he misses the thought of a dad and doesn't like me being upset.  He seemed okay later so I will just keep an eye on him.  One thing that annoyed me yesterday which sounds so petty but I posted on FB about it being 2 years since he died and straight after his niece (who is older than me) posted on her wall its been 2 years and 2 days since my uncle william died!  She obviously just thinks its father day every year.  Did she think I didn't remember the date he died??? Grrr....I was going to comment on the post saying its 2 years today but thought don't be childish although it was all I could do to stop my fingers :)

Ailsa, my heart is breaking for that poor little boys family.  My Jamie is 6 and I can't even try to picture the pain they must have as I just couldn't bear to even think of not having Jamie.  It makes me shudder.  What a terrible, terrible tragedy. 

Lots of hugs to all you lovely penguins and thinking of you this week Lynne.  It will be my turn to stalk you to make sure you are okay ;)

Lots of love

Gayle xxxx