My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi to all u lovely penguins, welcome to the new penguins. I have been out with my daughter and her husband and of course Charlie for dinner tonight where would I be without them. My dad doing not bad just now he seems to have adjusted to the carers coming in. I have been to visit him tonight and catch up with some housework for him. Lynne how's your dad doing? Darren moving in with a pal so I will be on my own again and not looking forward to it but can't expect him to stay with me for ever so had a few tears over that. Just trying to keep busy got racket ball tomorrow night and badminton on Sat night. Not able to get out walking as weather terrible so wet, I done a walk on Fri night for Marie Curie it started at 10.30 it was just round the town 5km so got home about midnight. Sending big hugs to everyone. Fingers crossed this posts as this is my second attempt. Fiona x x x

Hi everyone,

Lynne that did make me smile - what are you like!!  Definitely our calamity Jane :)  Fiona, I am glad to hear your dad is adjusting well to his new situation and sorry to hear about Darren.  I know these things are going to happen but still will be hard being in the house on your own.  I hope you are okay.  Linda, yes definitely baby steps. 

I am having a big wobble this week.  One minute I'm okay then the next I am wobbling again.  Wully died on 21st but that was Fathers Day so I will need to go through both dates next week.  On Fathers Day I have to help out at our playgroup funday.  It was the only day we could get the hall so I have no choice.  But I have decided to take the boys to the crematorium first and then we will go to the fun day (and no there will not be any pictures of me in my snow white costume!!! :)).  On the Tuesday I plan to spend the day on my own then go to the crematorium myself in the afternoon as the book of rememberance will be at the right page.  Just everything is flooding back at the moment but I am sure I will feel much more peaceful once it is past.  Ewan my youngest is also graduating from nursery this week and officially finishes up properly next Friday.  My parents will be coming with me.  Another big event and again I could see it far enough.  He starts school in August.  Where does the time go?  Things are going okay with my friend although I haven't confronted her and instead just avoiding her which of course she has noticed.  I don't have the energy to deal with it this week so I will just keep my head down and get through it best I can. 

Anyway, take care penguins.  Lots of love.

Gayle xxx

Big hugs for you, Gayle - you have a nightmare week coming up. I'm sure you will feel calmer afterwards - i found the anticipation of the 2-year anniversary  worse than the first.  Ypu have two gorgeous little boys and are doing a fab job with them.

Linda, I hope you are ok following the departure of the car - hard times.

xx

Just realised the time so must get myself off to bed, but had to send a huge hug to you Gayle you have some tough days coming up and we'll all be thinking of you and holding your hand in our thoughts (if you get my meaning).  Lots of love to everyone xxxxxx

(Not doing too well tonight, I watched the Terry Pratchett documentary, I knew I shouldn't)

Hi everyone

Thanks for the birthday messages xxx

Ailsa hope you re ok, I know you like being busy but take care of you too xxxFiona glad your Dad is doing ok now. 

Gayle thinking of you over this week and next. I too am going to go to Paul s grave on Sunday (as some of you know I dont go very often, still upsets me too much) but said to kids we will go.

Had a lovely weekend, went to my local for a few drinks on my birthday then out for tapas with the kids. On Friday G took me to a lovely hotel and we had a swim, jacuzzi and sauna then a lovely meal in the evening. On Saturday we went to G`s friends wedding which was a lovely day.

Big hugs to our new penguins, hope you re still swimming!!!

Love to all and hope Fathers Day passes as easily as is possible for us all

Helen xxxx

Evening everyone.  Gayle this is such a difficult time for you but I think you have some of the right kind of plans for getting through it.  I have to say that I was very keen to spend the 2nd anniversary of losing Chris with just me and my thoughts and you seem to have a similar plan.  I am sending you lots of bug (((higs))) to wrap yourself up in for Sunday & the 21st.

Linda I hope you are doing okay.  I am in the process of selling the van Chris bought for me while he was ill.  We loved to go camping and the van let us take all the home comforts we wanted.  We only got to go camping once with it.  I made a right mess of selling Chris's own van after he died so I have been dreading selling mine.  A good friend stepped in and it looks as though he may have found me a buyer and I won't actually have to hand it over as he will do it.  I decided I need to seel it because I have a car as well and have not used the van much this year at all.  I used it a lot last year travelling the country & also helping my daughter move house.  Vans need to be used, it isn't good to keep them standing about so I need to let it go.  I am going to trade the car in before the autumn for a 4x4.  I am a confident driver even in the snow but I have noticed I am not sleeping when they forecast snow, worrying about whether I will get off my estate.  Seems trivial but after the couple of anxiety attacks I have had recently I think I should act to avoid what stress I can for now.  It is very difficult parting with the van though remembering all the plans we had when we bought it.

Patricia I am glad to read that your allergy got sorted out.  I hope you are okay otehrwise.  We still need our shopping trip!

Helen - glad you had a lovely time for your birthday.  I loved your dress for the wedding.  Lynne I read on FB that you are doing the race for life soon - is it this coming weekend?  I am doing the York one this Sunday and then the Wakefield one in July.  I'm looking forward to it.  Good luck with it anyway and I hope we get to see some pics.

Fiona well done doing the Marie Currie walk.  I think I might do the night walk here next year.  It will be hard for you when Darren moves in with his friend but I am sure he will be round to see you loads.  I am glad to read that your Dad is still making progress and doing okay with the carers.

Hi Rosemary & Sue - how are you both doing?

My youngest daughter has gone on holiday today to Portugal.  She had some good news on the job front just before she flew today so I think she will have a lovely break.  She has had a difficult few months so I am pleased for her.  She has also passed her NVQ level 2 this week in business admin so hopefully she will be lovely & relaxed right now.

Well I am shattered so I should be off to bed.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx 

Dear All,

evening all

just thought i'd pop by to see how you are all doing and to let you all know i am a bit better this week, just been busy at work it keeps my mind off things i guess. I am going to do my next on call on saturday. I hate saturdays but it will be over 24hours after it starts! a lot worse things have happened and i'm still standing, as we all are.

ailsa I hope you are having some success with selling you van and getting a 4 wheel drive. I know its hard to see things that ment so much. I still have to sell Marks bike but I just can't bring myself to let it go.

Gayle big hugs for you and you boys, its a difficult time of year. I hope you manage to do what you planned and it gives you some sort of sense of peace, if that is possible.

Helen a belated happy birthday to you, sorry I missed the actual day to send you the message but glad you had anice day.

to all those I haven't mentioned take care of yourselves.

becy

Afternoon Penguins, well it's very wet here today thought I was going to need a boat to get to work this morning. Galye a big hug for you and the boys thinking of you. I have had a few off days this week some tears and just fed up. I have Take That next Wed so hopefully a couple of days away with good friends will help me. Lynne how's your dad doing? Helen your photos were lovely and I loved your dress. I have a wedding on the 5th of Aug Kim's best pal and Kim is bridesmaid so looking for an outfit not easy as I am never out of trousers. Ailsa I hope you manage to get your van sold. Rosemary where is that magic fairydust of your's still waiting? How are you doing Patricia? Sending big hugs to all the other penguins. Fiona xxxxx

Morning all

Dropping by to send special hugs to Gayle , i know how emotional this weekend is going to be and i can only send hugs and love . Always here for you xxx

Yes Ailsa the race for life is tommorow , will definately be waling it though as Beth is doing it with us for the 1 st time but it has given rain out so can't imagine it being very pleasant ugh lol .

Fiona , dad is doing ok but i don't think he will ever get back to how he was before (and that wasn't that good) we have tears most days from him and its mums birthday monday so we're expecting lots more .

One of my step daughters has text my daughter to say they will be coming down tommorow for fathers day so we will meet her for lunch after the race for life . I wish things could have been different with her i miss her and how we used to be .

Anyway my fellow penguins , wishing you the best weekend that is possible . Love and hugs to all

 xx Lynne xxx