My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello to everyone just dropped by to send hugs to you all.

Feeling very sorry for myself as I am ill and home alone and today for the first time since Ray passed, I feel terrified of being on my own. Oh well, I'll get over it I guess. At least it is a transient illness.

Bye for now and take care.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi Patricia.  I only just found this as I was about to switch off and go to bed.  Sorry you are not well.  It is not a nice feeling being ill on our own.  Try not to feel terrified though.  I hope it is not too serious and that you are soon feeling better again.  Sending yu lots a (((hugs))) and wishes for a speedy recovery.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hello, my names Linda and i lost my husband Bob four weeks ago tomorrow, a few of my dear cyber friends have recommended this thread to me, so i hope you don't mind me posting here.

I guess i am just looking for some guidance to this feeling of utter despair and helplessness i am feeling at the moment, we have a young daughter who is just twelve, who i am being strong for, but just feel utter desperation of how to go on.

Take care all,

Linda x x

hi Linda - welcome to the thread, but so, so sorry that you have needed to join. You will find many kindred spirits here who can empathise with your feelings;we have all, without exception, felt the same despair and helplessness that you are experiencing now. We are all at different stages of this unwanted  journey, and have supported one another 100% all the way. We've made friendships which, i believe, will last a lifetime; we rant, rave, pour out our hearts to one another, encourage and even, although it may seem strange to you at the moment, have a laugh along the way.  

You will encounter many 'penguin' references if you read back; someone (I think it was Rosemary ) once likened us to a huddle of penguins, staying together for warmth, comfort and companionship . When one of us is struggling, we go into the middle of the huddle and are cared for by those who are having a better time, and who patrol the outside. So come into the middle of the huddle, Linda, and let us care for you while you are so very early on in your journey and are so vulnerable.

Sue xx

Aww Sue,What a lovely way of expressing this part of our journey ,I watched thefilm The March of the penguins and i loved it,i will see it in a different light now,my hubby is terminal but we just keep fighting on together,my love and thoughts go out to Linda and Kate as well.Hugs Chris.xx

Hello Linda, welcome to the huddle, if you understand what I mean - good that you're hear but sorry that you have to be.  Sue has put everything so well and I can only echo all she has said, you are feeling very raw, shocked and totally adrift at the moment so just go with your feelings and do whatever you feel you want to do and don't feel pushed into anything you don't want to do.  Hugs to you and your daughter, having her with you will help to keep you going, but do allow yourself some time to grieve and let go, it's hard with kids around as we don't want to upset them more but whereas they have lost their dads and that is very important you have lost your other half and your whole world is upside down with nothing to cling to - well cling on here, we'll throw you a life jacket and haul you on board, as Helen says "you just keep swimming" and for a long while that is all you need to do, keep swimming and keep your head above water, even if it's just your nose peeping out.  It never gets easy but it does eventually get a little easier to cope with things, you get used to dealing with all the stuff you get thrown at you and you find you can do all sorts of things you never had to before (and darn well don't want to now) and you will be proud of yourself and there will be smiles as well as tears - an emotional rollercoaster of course but we are hear and understand so please post whenever you want to, whatever you want to but always know we are here for you.  Lots of love and hugs, look forward to getting to know you more xxxxxxx

Patricia I hope you are feeling a bit better today, it's horrible being home alone and ill, guaranteed to make you feel down.  Ray will be there right beside you, holding your hand and stroking your hair - meantime I am putting the kettle on and making you a nice cup of tea and maybe a little toast and scrambled egg?  Or would you like a nice "dippy egg" with soldiers?  Lots of love and a big hug our special Angel Penguin xxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the kind words.  I have decided not to confront the situation yet but I am going to cancel my holiday.  I was offered a fantastic free holiday at the weekend for me and the boys and I am going to do that instead and I know I will feel much more comfortable and the boys will love it.

Patricia, I hope you are feeling a little better today.  I have had a migraine the past 2 days and it is awful because my parents are on holiday so I need to look after the boys on my own.  It is very scary being ill on your own so I am sending you lots of hugs.

Linda, I am so sorry you find yourself here but you have come to the right place.  I lost my husband nearly 2 years ago (fathers day 2009) and I could not have survived without the other penguins.  They still keep me sane and are truly wonderful friends for life.  People that have been through what we have are the only ones that really understand.  I too have small children although mine were 4 and 3 when their daddy died so I would imagine it is much harder with a 12 year old.  Like the others say take each day or even hour at a time, your daughter will keep you going (as my boys are the only things to get me out my bed each day) and remember its okay to cry in front of her and talk about her dad.  Its important kids understand grief.  Take care of yourself.

Gayle xxx

Hi Linda

My name is Sheena, and I cried when I read your post.  My partner has cancer and I know that I am going to lose him, I just don't know when.  I am trying to stay positive and live for today.  We bought tickets for a concert in December yesterday, and I don't even know if he will still be here.  I am trying to live a normal life, and then it hits me that my life may not be that long with him.  My heart really goes out to you and how you must be feeling. 

I started posting on this site in November last year, and it has been such a source of support and caring that I really don't think I could have kept going without sharing my thoughts, my ups and my downs, with people who know exactly what I am feeling.  No-one every judges you on this site.  They are all willing to listen, offer advice and provide an outlet for all your feelings. 

I didn't understand the penguin thing, and then someone explained it.  I now have a picture of penguins on my wall at work, and whenever I feel in despair and helpless I look at it and imagine myself in the middle surrounded by people who will protect and comfort me.  It is such a help.

I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and I know that you will have a long journey ahead - but a long journey starts with a small step and the lovely people here will help you.

Sheena   xxxxxxxxxx