My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

First of all i'd like to welcome to Linda to our little huddle . About 3 years ago i started to read Bobs thread (from the begining) it took me a while and all the time i was reading it , i was thinking when i get to the end of this thread he will have probably passed on as he seemed so ill , but not only did i get to the end of the thread i continued to follow his progress with such admiration and along the way in On july 1st 2009 i lost my lovely husband and soul mate . I continued to follow Bobs story and i cried with you all on as you described his final journey and this is one place where we can all say "i know what you was going through " . I was hoping that someone would point you in our direction and i think it must have been the lovely Sue who has been so much support to us all on here . I have no clever words just know that you will never be on your own and there is always someone here to listen . I wouldn't be where i am now if it wasn't for the "penguin huddle" . Please keep posting , we are all in various stages of this journey and we will all help you as much as we can xxxx

Gayle , i'm so pleased that you've decide what to do now and i think you've made the right decision and always remember baby penguin you are doing a fantastic job with the boys and you always will .

Patricia , thanks for the uplifting chat the other day when i really needed it .

Sorry i cant remember what else i was going to say , i've just got in from work so if i get chance i'll be back later . Love and hugs to all that need them xxxx Lynne xxx

Linda, so sorry you find yourself here but I hope that you find some sort of comfort and support from being here. I know it is only very early days for you and you are probably in the middle of sorting out all the legal stuff which engulfs us all at these times. I for one remember it being about 4 months before things were anything like sorted. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is overwhelming isn't it? There is so set pattern for how you will feel or how you will 'cope' with this new and unwanted journey. Myself and others have found that it helps to write ot down here. There will always be someone who will respond and let you know that you are not going mad. Take care new 'Penguin' and I hope this roller coaster journey is not too rocky for you. (((hugs))))

Gayle, I hope your migraine soon settles. The holiday with the boys sounds good.

Lynne and Fiona, I hope your dad's are feeling a little better. My own dad is wasting away due to his inability to swallow. Fingers crossed that the gastro people can do something for him.

Sue, Rosemary and everyone else, I hope you are all well x x

Not staying online as I still feel rubbish.  Hopefully will be a better day tomorrow. (No longer have that overwhelming feeling of fear so that is an improvement).

Have the best day you can tomorrow everyone.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening all

I too would like to welcome Linda to our huddle....... It's a very friendly, cosy place to be!!  Introductions are in order to some of our 'characters'......Here's Sue - who you know already - provider of appropriately amusing pictures that are guaranteed to raise a smile.  Over there near the kettle is Rosemary - provider of refreshments - tea, coffee, hot choc or the never-ending bottle of Baileys......... then there's Patricia with her wonderful words of wisdom and guardian angels........ and to keep us entertained there's 'accident-prone' Lynne (!!?!!) - poor love often seems to be in the wars!!!!  There's also Gayle, Judi, Fiona and many more whose names escape me (sorry girls)......and then there's me - the 'oldie' constantly wobbling and all over the place but doing my best to offer love and (((((hugs))))) to all that need them.......... Welcome to our huddle and as has been suggested waddle into the middle for a while and be cosseted and comforted..............

Gayle - enjoy your holiday with your boys - it sounds the best option.........Hope the weatherr is good for you......

Fiona and Lynne I too hope your Dads are doing Ok just now?? Patricia - I hope your Dad can be helped too - and also that you feel better soon.........

To everyone I send much love and hope you're all OK.......

(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Linda and all you lovely penguins

Linda so sorry you need to be here, but without all the lovely people on I really dont know how I would have got through the last 2 years. If you get time maybe flick through from the beginning, lots to read but part of all our journeys. So much love and support and I have made some life long friends I m pleased to say. My friend used to text me in the early days saying` just keep swimming`, I passed it on here as it makes so much sense. Sometimes the current is harder than others to swim against but we keep each other afloat. Keep reading and post when you feel up to it. Sending you hugs and just take a day at a time xxxxxxxxxx

Gayle glad you ve made some arrangements and decisions. Just keep swimming!!!!

Patricia hope you re feeling better soon, not nice with no one to look after us xx

Big hugs to everyone

Remember....just keep swimming!!!!! xxx

Helen xxx

Hi everyone, Judi here.  Linda I am so sorry to hear that your darling Bob has passed away.  A a lot of the ladies here know I don't post so much on this thread anymore, I tend to keep up with everyone on Facebook.  But there is one absolute certainty - I would NOT have got where I am today without these ladies, knowing that I could come here, anytime of day or night, say exactly how I felt at that moment and every single time one or more of them would say something that made so much sense, or let me know that they had experienced very similar feelings, and no - I wasn't going mad.  So stick on here and let them do the same for you Linda. 

I am sorry guys to hear that so many are struggling and send you all a huge big hug.  I appear to have picked up Ailsa's habit of keeping myself incredibly busy - and am finding that it helps me so much and I cope really very well most of the time.  Although not deliberately, I seem to have forged a few very good new friendships with a couple of girls, not really to the exclusion of old friends, but I seem to find that it is 'easier'.  

Linda, please look after yourself at this empty time, don't expect anything of yourself, jsut one day at a time, at your own pace.  Let these penguins be there and support you - each and every one of us genuinely does understand the depths of despair you feel and will ty to help you through.

Love to all - Judi x  

Thanks everyone for your comments, what a lovely group you all are.

I am beginning to recognise a pattern of, being ok for a  while, then not feeling so good. Taking little steps though, and Kate is such a ray of sunshine, she is being so brave.

I have a mountain more paperwork to sort through today, so i guess i will start on that, just seen Kate off to school.

Take Care all,

Linda x x

Hello Linda, I am so sorry that you have had to join us here but glad that you have found us. I can't add anything to what the others have already said, just take each day a minute at a time if you have to and be gentle with yourself ...

I don't tend to post here often these days, like Judi I tend to keep up with people on facebook. But I do drop by regularly to read all the posts and catch up with everyone. The lovely people on this thread have been such a lifeline to me for the past 20 months and I have made such wonderful friends here, I am sure you will find so much love and support among 'the huddle' - and always a comforting (((hug)))

Much love to everyone, Manda. xxx

Hi Linda,

As has been said before, glad you found this thread, but so sorry for the reason you are here.

I came across this thread just after I lost my dear man.  I read all the posts and it helped me so much through the first few months to stay sane.  Most of the penguins were 18 months or so further on than me and reading their posts gave me the strength to keep going.

I have poured my heart out on ocassions and there is always someone to reply and care and not judge you on your rants.  Oh and boy there were so many rants in the beginning. I am now just over 8 months on and can feel I have come a long way, although there is such a longer way to go.  But I think I will get through with the help of everyone on here.

So please keep reading Linda, and if you can keep posting.  There are a great huddle of penguins here and they will look after you as they have me.

Huddle up in the middle when you need.

Take care

Pammie xx

Hi All

Like all the others i would like to send a warm gentle and welcoming hug to linda. As all the others have said being able to read and post on here can be a real lifeline, especially when you are lost in the big sea of grief that must be surrounding you now. It is about 101/2 months now for me and I found this site so open even when things feel so black.

pammie you have became such a supportive voice in the group. I am glad you are manageing to go to the gym. I am finding now that I have done my run that I have lost the motivation, I need to find it again soon. Work is keeping me bizzier and bizzier and then I just want to eat and collapse at the end of the day.

Ailsa I hope you are doing alright and that the hallway is finished with the decorating.

Gayle I hope the migrane passed ok, you are doing a brilliant job with you boys and I am glad you have decided on a holiday you feel comfortable with.

Patricia I hope you are feeling better. I am comming down with some virally thing at the moment but it just wants to make me feel sick and generally not right since friday without really getting any worse (it seems to be going round at work). it is always good to see you positive posts, you always sound so strong, and in the way you manage you job.

Oh there are so many more to comment on but my brain has forgotten now its getting late, i should have made notes.

It was our first wedding anniversary on sunday (though it felt like it should have been saturday). I wish I could look back on a perfect day, but I remember being so proud to be his wife, but the pain that we both hid from everyone, knowing that we had just found out the this was not for long. All the planning had worked and the logistics of the day went perfect, but we didn't plan to find out Mark was terminally ill with a cancer found far to late to do anything one week before the wedding. Sorry I know you all know the story and we all have our different stories and they are all horrible in their own way.

I found myself avoiding this weekend. I went to my parents so I could be close to the cemetery but shut myself in the bedroom most of the time watching DVDs like a teenager. I shut my brain in a fantasy world on DVD and did my best not to think. I am sure that is not at all healthy. But i wonder if i am odd or if others have found themselves doing similar? I know in a way work does the same, it stops me thinking about it. But when I come home being alone brings it back. I smile and laugh a little at work and then wonder how I do it when I am at home. And the feeling like a teenage is frustrating, I am sure most of you have not had that one, but staying at my parents so often, not having children of my own and having a difficult relationship with my mum because of her mental health just sends me right back ther at the age of 33!

I have waffled for far too long.

hugs all round, keep swimming, or just staying afloat.

Becky 

Oh Becky - I can't find any words but will send you a huge comforting ((((((((((hug))))))))) and an invitation into the middle of the huddle - there's plenty of room xxxxxx