My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning Patricia - ((((hugs)))) from me to you too xxx

Don't worry if you nod off during the wedding........you'll be able to watch the highlights........or the highlights of the highlights.....or the highlights of the highlights of the.............Oh!! I think you get the idea???

Girls - I hope the Baileys is open ready for later and plenty of nibbles... and the heating on as it feels quite cold this morning and a bit gloomy..........

Love and (((((hugs)))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Good moring Patricia and Dot and all you other lovely penguins. Well, bless my soul, looking at the clock it is actually afternoon now. 

Have been watching the wedding, did not think I would, but did.  Enjoyed it, but now am beginning to realise I need th Baileys and anthing else I can find.  It just brings home to you how alone and fed up with life you are doesn't it.

I wlsh Will and Cate all the best in their life as I mourn for my own.

And now we still have the Bank Holiday to content with...........

Take care all you penguins and try to keep swimming

Pammie xx

Evening all!  What a strange feeling this is isn't it?  All the country celebrating it seems (although I know a few who really can't be bothered with the Royal Family) and I did enjoy seeing "the dress" (Sam still prefers hers) and didn't sister of the bride look absolutely stunning?  Yet hardly a mention from the BBC.  I just don't feel washed away by it all and excited, I suppose the days of Charles and Diana were when we were all so much younger and life was very different then - in so many ways too, even Royal marriages have changed completely since that day and the sham it turned out to be.  Still they are a lovely young couple and William, Harry and Cate all seemed so happy and relaxed throughout the whole performance, so I wish them well and they at least have a better base for their marriage than C and D did.

I was working this morning so didn't see it live, but yes Dot managed to catch up somehow with the constant coverage being thrown from every tv station on the planet.  This afternoon I did get round to mowing my lawn, a rather daunting task at the moment whilst I wait for the insurance to sort out paying out for a replacement sit on mower, still the Bosch cordless mower I have just bought is amazing and does a wonderful job, bless it, and is very light and easy to use - just wish I could put me on to recharge with the batteries too.  Then this evening Sam asked if we could go out for dinner (me, her and Wayne) as they go away tomorrow on their honeymoon - Norwegian Fjord Cruise! - so we went to the pub down the road and hey, guess what Mum paid the bill!  Hmm, mug or what?  Still it was nice to have some company and as I drove back and passed a big street party going on I was pleased that I wasn't taking part and knew that Steve would have hated it so we wouldn't have been there together either.

Ailsa, just had your text I will be replying in a minute or two, hope you are having a good evening and glad the paintpad is still bearing up :-))  Did you stay awake for the wedding Patricia?  Doesn't matter if you didn't, you need to sleep when you can and if watching the wedding helps maybe you could record it and watch it whenever you can't sleep!  Pam the Baileys is open my dear, always on tap here (although don't think that I'm drinking it all the time, honest I'm not! Hic!!), I shall pour you a long, slow one over some ice and we shall sit and look at my newly mown lawn and mull over the day....... all penguins cordially invited (talking of cordial there's still fruit juice in the fridge to be made into cocktail for those who would like to indulge) plenty of space and several chairs available..... see you all shortly xxxxxxx

Morning girls

Sending you all love and lots of comforting ((((((hugs)))))))...

I know some members of our huddle are struggling this weekend - so a special (((hug))) just for you

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone.  I hope everyone is able to make the most of the long weekend again.  I am really enjoying not being at work and so far, not even missing it.  I have been very busy and the staircase is emulsioned.  I have changed the colour so it looks lovely and fresh.  Leaves me with mixed feelings though - Chris chose the colours that I used before and it had been re-painted the same colours just before he got ill.  I am sure he would love the colours I have chosen this time but a little bit of me is upset that this is another change he doesn't know about - just seems a shame.  Tomorrow I am going to start on the woodwork as that will probably take me the rest of the long weekend because staircases have so many doorways!!!  I am also going to try my hand at electrics tomorrow or Monday as I want to change the lightswitches sockets for nice new ones - puff of smoke over Barnsley, you'll know why!!

How are you getting on with your cracks Patricia?  I thought of a few ways to put that but they all managed to sound equally as vulgar so I just went for it!  I expect you have a much higher staricase than I do but I have a special ladder for the very high bits and I just don't look down once I get up there.  I expect that sometime in the future I will have to pay someone else to do it but for now I still seem to be able to manage it okay.  Stu is going to finish boarding a lobby that needs to be decorated since I did the work on the garage last year and cut through inot the house.  He is going to do that next wek so that will be my next decorating project after the stairs.

Carol I hope you are enjoying your caravan with your son & his fiance this weekend.  I hope you are able to keep it on if you have such a nice time visiting it.  The ground rents on those vans is a lot though - I have a couple of friends with static vans and it always sounds like a fairly big bill.  I hope you hear from the hospital soon so you can maybe get some closure on that.  I have my fingers crossed for a favourable response for you.  It must be a relief that you can stay on in the house as well.  Chris also loved our house and was very concerned that I might lose it.  The insurance secured it but I often wish he could have known that for sure before he died.

Pam - how are you doing with your bike?  We haven't been back out on our yet but my neighbour has bought me a pink horn to put on mine - it will frighten pedestrians out of their skin so I think it will just have to be for decoration.  I am glad your meal went well and it was lovely that your youngest grand-daughter sat in Martin's chair.  Chris's chair at my table is usually is filled either by my grandson or my son if Declan is not there.

Well done getting that lawn mowed Rosemary - I've seen your 'lawn' and mowing it without your sit & ride mower must be some feat.  I am sure Sam & Wayne will have a lovely time on their cruise.  Have you got any plans for while they are away?  You see a lot of Sam so there will be a bit of a gap while she is away.  I have some ideas for a chance for you & I to catch up with each other so I will send you some details shortly.

I took yesterday off from my decorating and watched the wedding.  Even though it made me very weepy I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.  I watched it with my neighbour and then we went out to a couple of local pubs with Becky & Declan in the afternoon.  Although Monday is the 2nd anniversary of me losing Chris I seem to struggle with the Friday of this bank holiday more because I know that Chris died on the Friday night of the Mayday bank holiday.  Even that isn't strictly true as he died at 1:27am on the Saturday morning but because we hadn't managed to get to bed it feels like it was the Friday.  Becky was with me when he died so it seems right that Becky & I have spent that Friday together on both the anniversaries since.  We shared a bottle of Chateauneuf du pape in his memory - Chris hated red wine but loved Only Fools & Horses so he would have appreciated the joke.  Today I took a nice spray of flowers to the cemetery.  They looked lovely in the sun.  I am definately much calmer about this this year than I was last year.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about all aspects of my life with Chris and how that has changed without him but I have remembered good times as well as bad so that a good thing.  I still find it difficult to really accept that he has gone for good - it just seems so sad and I feel very cheated.  It seems appropriate to spend this time leading to the 2nd anniversary working on the house and looking after it because he loved it so much.  I will take a little rest from DIY after this weekend has passed.

Well I probably should get off and see about going to bed.  I really didn't sleep very well last night - concerning myself about my purpose again - so an early night is called for.  Dot I hope you and Alan are doing okay and thanks for the hugs - they really help.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Ailsa, reading your post has made me understand why you have been in my thoughts so much over the past few days. I know the actual anniversary is on the 2nd but you have kept popping into my head since Friday. ((((hugs)))).  Well done on your decorating. You have so much more staying power than me. I managed to sort out the 'cracks' in the ceiling but now have to wait intil I have a few days together before I tackle the painting and wallpapering. I truly believe that the house will fall down before I get it finished. lol. Hey, what can I say, if someone asks me to go somewhere or do something I will always do that in preference to staying home. (hmmm... I wonder why I never get anything finished???). This weekend I went to visit my son, daughter-in-law and grand-daughter. I was even allowed to babysit whilst the adults went out for a few hours (first time they have left her since she was born).  Kanon is absolutely gorgeous. She is a very placid child and is always smiling. Even when her daddy woke her from a sleep she was smiley. She loves being sung to and kissed and cuddled (lucky me because I 'sing' all the time). So I gave her some 'extra special' hugs from her grand-dad (does that make me sound pathetic?) well if it does I don't really care.

Well now I must get ready for the next two nights at work. Boo hoo. Wish I could stay home but hey. Someone has to work to keep me and ooooh I guess I am that person lol.

Rosemary, you also have been in my thoughts a lot this weekend. Are you ok??

Take care dear penguins and have the best Bank Holiday Monday you can have.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening penquins. I hope you have all been enjoying the sunshine. 

 I haven't posted in the last few weeks.  Still trying to get my head round who is who in the huddle. It's so nice to hear what you are all doing.  Between us we do seem to be achieving quite alot.  So many firsts for us all in gardening, house maintenance and all the other jobs we now need  to tackle.

I had a lovely weekend, with another  first into the bargain.  For the first time I have driven the hundred and fifty miles to see my grandchildren in Essex.  A giant first really as it was the first time i had ever driven on a motorway.  I cheated a bit and went down early on Friday morning when as I expected, the roads were very quiet.  I arrived just as the service was starting in the Abbey. I arrived in a very emotional state, but, I did it.

The wedding was difficult to watch.  It ought back so many memories of my own, especially the singing of "Love Devine..."  It was sung at our wedding, and I chose it for Gary's funeral.  Emotional, but for the first time I realised that I am starting to remember the good times.....Right after Gary died, I could only see him sad emaciated and ravaged by the vile disease. 

Patricia, I am so glad you were able to enjoy time with your new granddaughter.  Grandchildren are such a blessing.  Mine have been so concerned about me being lonely.  They phone and text me with all their news.  The plan is to move nearer to them, I so look forward to that: it will be good to make myself useful and help with childcare.

Time now to water my parched garden. 

Hope you all have as good a day tomorrow as possible.

Daffie  xxx

For Ailsa ...... Thinking of you today xxxxxx

Comforting (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) for you Ailsa xxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of you today Alisa. xx