My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi, Sheena

I am so sorry that you are gping through this hell -  unfortunately there are an awful lot of us who have an understanding of where you are at.  

It is so very hard to watch the person you love suffering and diminishing before your eyes, and to know that there is so little that you can do to help other than to be there and support him physically and emotionally as best you can.

So, Sheena, yes - into the middle of the huddle with you, and we will crowd around and try to give you some strength and courage for the next part of the journey.  Don't just stay for the day - there is an open invitation to stay as long as you need or want to, or there is a return ticket which can be used as often and as long as you wish.  Welcome to the huddle- we are very good listeners, and we have all walked a mile in your shoes, so feel free to rant, rave or just offload whenever you wish-  we are huddling tightly around you.

. 

Sue xx

Sheena jump right into the middle of the huddle, we are all sending you hugs and comfort today and whatever days you might need it.  It is horrible to watch our husbands be in so much pain and suffer from this cruel disease.  The penguins are a lifeline to me and will be there for you when you need a friend.

I have also not been doing well this week.  I really don't know why, I have been very tired, Kindergarten registration and a late night at work but I am in tears every night.  Probably tired of dreary February days.  A friend had to remind me that yesterday was 7 years since I had quit smoking, instead of being pleased, I spend the day thinking about why I had quit.  That was the day Danny came home from hospital on oxygen after we discovered he had COPD and I thought, I can't smoke around him, that would be too hard for him to not smoke.  He lasted 6 months non smoking, and I am now at 7 years!  Next week will be 34 years since we met so I guess a few significant dates are all it takes to knock me over. 

We have a long weekend here in Ontario and I have no major plans.  I am waiting in all day today to have someone come and install my PVR and a second receiver for the satelite tv upstairs and have managed to turn the house into quite a mess.  I will try to move more furniture out of the bedroom because the end of Feb is coming soon and I hope my new floor will happen then.  My handyman gives me dates and usually ends up doing the work a few weeks later but I must be prepared with that room cleared for him. 

I have friends who want to go to a movie maybe tomorrow and another who will come over and bring lunch if I want so I have things and people I could do and see, just need a bit of a kick sometimes.

hope you all are having a fairly good weekend

Bren

Welcome to the huddle, Jackie - and I hope that Clare is not far behind you. so sorry that we have had to met under these sad circumstances, but you could not have chosen a better place to share your thoughts, have a rant or a rave, or just come and be sad and take the support offered by the rest of the penguins.

Stay safe in the middle until you feel ready to step a little way towards the edge - believe it or not, that time will come.

Sue xx

Oh  Shena, of course you can join our huddle.  You step right into the middle and we will keep you as warm as we can.  And all of you who are having a bad time at the moment.  Our huddle is big enough for you all to get inside.

We have all been there Shena and we know how you are feeling.  The shear desperation of it all and the strength of will it takes to hang on.  But always be aware we are there for you.

I think a lot of us are having a hard time at the moment.  February is such a dreary month and it seems so long till the Spring.  But it will come and we will feel the warm of it soon. 

I was having a hard time this morning and was on a real downer.  I remember thinking that when I am really down and have nowhere to go Martin seems to send someone to see me.  But this was Saturday and not a normal visiting day.  And then a while later round comes a dear friend who has also lost her man and was feeling down too and we had a good natter and it cheered us both up.  So thank you Martin and Roy for helping us when we were down.  I bet they are up there having a good laugh xxx.

I hope that you all have as good a weekend as you can

Love

Pammie

Just dropping by to leave lots more comforting (((hugs))) for all our penguin friends.  Stay huddled together for warmth and comfort tomight............xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone.  This is late post for me I'm afraid but I have had a busy few days and this is my first chance to sit down.  I had a lovely time yesterday - I met Patricia for coffee.  I needed a special shop and there was one on Patricia's doorstep so I met her there and we had a lovely catch up.  How can 2 people have so much to say?  For the record - Patricia my bracelet is fixed now so the trip was worth it on so many levels.  I feel very privileged to have been able to see some lovely pictures of Patricia's new little grand-daughter Kanon - such a lovely baby.

I have had a bit of a hectic time since leaving Patricia.  My car is scaring me to death as it feels like it is all over the road when I drive it.  I thought maybe it is the weather but it wasn't like that before so there must be something wrong.  I am wandering if I have some broken springs from all the pot-holes.  I have asked my Dad to ring his mechanic and get him to look at it for me.  I am fortunate to have my van as an alternative.  I feel very safe in the van but today that let me down as well.  It wouldn't start!!  I am so useless with cars & vans.  They are the thing most likely to reduce me to tears without Chris.  Anyway the van eventually started just before I rang the breakdown people then it acted up again a bit later.  I think I have figured it out - I think there is something going wrong with the coding in the key.  I am using the spare now and it seems to be okay.  Why can't they just go like they are supposed to?  I can feel myself getting really stressed just taking about it.

Enough of my hiccups.  I wanted to welcome Sheena & Jackie to this thread.  Huddle into the centre the pair of you.  There are plenty of we penguins to look after us all as we need it.  I wish it wasn't necessary but it is so we need to be there for each other.  Evening also to Clare, Daffie & Wembley.

Gayle I hope you had a lovely time out with the girls last night and that your night in tonight has been fun too.  Make sure you keep on top of your health now that you have made a start.  I hope Billie is doing okay.

Evening also to Sue, Dot & Helen and anyone else looking in.  Helen once I get the fridge freezer sorted and delivered tomorrow I need to go and look for a cooker as well.  My grill has stopped working and there is only so long a person can last without cheese on toast!!!

Well I should get off as knowing my luck the delivery man will want to deliver at 7am on a Sunday.  Before I go hello also to Becky & Bren.  I hope you are both okay.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Just dropped by to offer lots of penguin huddle hugs. Sorry all the new ladies find themselves in need of the support we are offering. Flippers flapping and stretching to surround you all as much as possible.

Ailsa, glad yu got your bracelet sorted. Please take care if you thing car is unsafe especially in these slipery weather conditions. Thank you for your company the other day. It was much appreciated and very welcomed.  You gave me a big 'lift'.

Brenda, I was wondering where you were. Difficult days. ((((hugs))))

Love and angel hugs to you all.

Hi everyone who welcomed me to the huddle.  The hugs must have worked because I do not feel so low today.  Kenny managed to get up out of bed, have a shower and spend some time downstairs last night watching TV with me.  We snuggled up on the couch, so I think the combination of the huddle hugs and Kenny hugs did the trick!  Today is a rather dull day outside, but I'm going to make soup this afternoon.  Kenny is enjoying watching the football from his bed and I feel a strange sort of comfort today.  Yesterday was a difficult day and I suppose we have to expect them, but your support certainly helped me to get through it.  And I slept well last night and enjoyed breakfast in bed with Kenny.  I treasure these happy times so much.   I am  grateful and hope that I can stay with you penguins and share my sorrow and my happiness with you all.  I'm going to printout the pictures which were posted of penguins huddling together and when I feel alone and lost, I will remember that there are people who care and who know exactly how I feel.  You helped me.  Thank you.  Now I'm off to try that soup!!

Sheena X

Sheena, Claire, Jackie  Wembley and.... all our new ladies and any "old"ones that are feeling down at the moment I am sending you all a huge hug and a large bottle of Baileys (with the ever present mug of hot chocolate for those who wish to abstain) and welcoming you all to the club no-one wanted to join but everyone is glad that we're all here together.  The other "oldies" have said all the things I would too so listen to your aunties and be gentle with yourselves and take all the strength and comfort from everyone that you need whenever you need it xxxxx

I have just read THREE pages of news from you all!  Have I been absent that long?  Can't quite cope with remembering all I wanted to say but must send a big cuddle for my special little Billie dog, bless her I'm sure she will appreciate the new collar, Kofi did and actually fell asleep wearing it quite happily - like it was a pillow, so much more comfortabel and manageable.  I have asked my sis (vet nurse) about the buttons and she said it's to stop the blood clots reforming, her vet used to cut them off his own shirt as they never had any spare - oh and the buttons stop the stitches going through..  Ailsa I had to take a breath several times reading your posts - slow down!  I do worry about you.  Glad you and Patricia had a good meeting, I remember the first time we met - 3 hours just flew by!

Wedding preperations are steaming ahead, the new cake will be lovely and sooooo delicious I wish you could all be there to share the day and the cake with me - photos will be on Facebook I can assure you.  We have found a new kennels for the dogs so if all goes well I should be available to for some future meetings and certainly hope to get to the September one (thank you Gayle for reorganising the venue xxxx)  Getting a bit scary now as it's less than 2 months away, I am trying to get my speech started, but came on here and digressed rather - I think I will briefly mention Steve and Waynes mum, Coral, but I don't want to make too sad a mention and bring us down so maybe start off with how proud I am of Sam and how proud Steve and Coral would also be of Sam and Wayne on this very happy day.  I'm not mentioning his father, he can't even reply to my invitation or the email I sent afterwards "in case he hadn't picked up the emial invitation" which I know he has as there was a pick up report.  Apparently that is typical of him and Wayne didn't expect him to come anyway, very sad.

Saw the doctor about my knee and it isn't cartilage damage, well not exactly, it's the bit underneath the patella (sp) the joint bit and the cartilage over the top of that is damaged so it all grinds together when I use it.  Physio on order, exercises suggested, possible injection in it at some point, x-ray to be booked and I can't do the swimming of the aerobics I was doing but..... must lose weight.  Chondromalacia for the medical peeps on here if you know what I'm talking about.  I thought if it was torn cartilage it would be so easy just to remove it and I would be fine again, this doesn't sound very easy to sort and knowing my degenerating body probably won't go away either.  I will try and think positive, but also mus sell my little Polo as it is a manual and using the clutch is really flaring it up - but it was Steve's car and I know I'm being silly but I just wanted to keep it as it reminds me of him so much when I'm driving.  I must find it a good home.

I'm off now before the computer has a melt down and doesn't post this for me, so more love and hugs to you all, take care, stay safe and remember the ledge is always open any time night or day xxxxxx