My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sorry we crossed posts Pam, hope the meal goes well today.  I know exactly what you mean about living in a woman's world.  I have had a boyfriend and the first time he started staying over etc was very weird.  Silly things like the toilet seat being left up and switching on the tv and it always being at sky sports.  Brought back all the memories of having a man around the house.  It is nice as you do miss male company for these silly things.  Anyway, I'm waffling now.  Can't wait to see you in Liverpool xx 

hello penguins

Hope everyones weekend is going as well as can be.

I have had my sister staying for the weekend and unlike the other weekends she has stayed of late, we actually had a very productive weekend. ok it was a slow start, but she had been at work all week. We went to my gym yesterday afternoon, i had free passes because it was my birthday this month. It was strange actually going with someone, probably a bit good for motivation because although I felt self concious running on a treadmill infront of her it also brought out my competative side so did as much as I could. I discovered that although I can not run for verylong in one go I have the staminer to keep going alot longer then her. I always kind of knew i was a plodder!!

Then in the evening after a quick tea we went to see The Kings Speech at the cinema. Don't know about you Rosemary but I really liked it. I had wondered how you could make a whole film about correcting someones stammer and make it oscar worthy, well now I know. It was great, and I actually laughed out loud at one point, not something that happens much at the moment to me.

Gayle how good it is to hear that you managed W's birthday with good memories shared with your boys.

Pam and Ailsa and Helen, all this talk of new relationships is so hard. There are so many wonderful things about being with someone that we miss so much. At times my mind wanders and I wonder if it will ever happen to me again, I know that Mark told me to find someone new. But for all that, it is still far too early for me to think about. I am now 33 and I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life, and I would actually like to have a family of my own but that is very hard to do alone! But, and I hope I don't upset anyone because it is just my feelings and not a judgement in any way, but when I think about it it always feels like thinking about cheeting on Mark. How could anyone ever love me when I still love Mark and always will. I'm going to shut up now, it's just too early.

To all you penguins having particularly tough times at the moment, big HUGS. Lets all keep swimming together.

Can't wait to meet those of you who are comming to liverpool, I may have missed the finer arrangements soewhere but what time are we meeting up on Sat?

take care, Becky

Hello Penguins, Think we are all stuggling a bit again, Helen hope you are feeling better today. Life is not easy for us, i have felt low the last few days and today been a long one. Darren away on bike and not seen anybody else so just kept my head down and got on with some housework. Ailsa i hope your night was ok. Rosemary hope you enjoyed your film and i hope you are doing ok. Amanda a big hug for you and i am thinking about you. Gayle you are always so busy with work, that was nice for the boys to go to the beach with cards for Wullie. I am going to miss seeing you all at Liverpool but will be thinking about you all. Not a lot going on with me just now just getting through each day best i can. Take Care everyone. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx    

Hi Fiona! Nearly missed you but caught your post just as I was catching up from the second page, I'm supping a cuppa at the moment so join me if you wish and then we aren't alone anymore (you too Pam and anyone else feeling a bit Sundayish there's plenty of tea bags to go round and then we could have a bit of salmon for our tea!)

Really enjoyed "The Kings Speech" it was a proper film and enjoyable, no sex, drugs, violence (only a bit of swearing and that made you laugh) just a story about real people and very well done, he may have been the king of England but it made him very human.  Thoroughly recommend it to you all and I plan to get it on DVD when it comes out as it's worth watching again - so if anyone does miss it then maybe we should plan a film night and you can all come here and we'll watch it together (I'm only half joking here, we could actually do it if I get as sorted out as Gayle and clear my two spare bedrooms)

Today I have achieved, Samantha came over and we started sorting through one of the bedrooms as a lot of her stuff is in there and I didn't want to throw anything away until she had sorted with me.  We managed about three bags to the tip, one bag of cuddly toys and two more bags of clothes and odds and ends for the Tesco Cancer Research collection, also got rid of two smelly duvets and a dog bed.  Came home and cleaned the kitchen floor (it was desperate after the rain we've had and muddy paws were the in thing) so I feel justified in a sit down at the computere for a while, I might even put in a Tesco shop as they are threatening me with extra clubcard points if I do and the cupboards are a bit bare.

I'm not going to make Liverpool I'm afraid, I will so miss meeting some new penguins and hugging the familiar ones too, but I need to find a new kennels for the boys and also have a hundred and one other appointments to make for wedding arrangements that my head is in such a whirl - together with still having to wait until the 31st for father in laws funeral and of course assisting Heather with the arrangements for that.  Have a wonderful time though and I do expect a full range of photo's and a report from you all as to who was there, what the latest is on everyone.

Off to feed the starving beasts now but will pop in later to check in on you all, lots of love and hugs xxxxxxx

Well done Rosemary - you put me to shame!!  I have so much to do but cannot find it in me to tackle anything.  I did do some washing - but only because I could put it in the machine and leave it to its own devices!!!!  But now it is decorating the dining room radiator as it's too damp to venture into the garden to hang it outside!!!!  I'll be so pleased when I can shift myself enough to do something useful............WHY can't I do anything???  It's all there waiting....and I know it needs doing - but have no motivation at all.............

I've taken to eating all the wrong things again - so now feel like a beached whale...........I daren't dive in your pool - I'd empty it at first plunge...........though I still feel that I'm drowning not waving!!!!!!!

I'd better shut up before I make everyone else feel depressed...

Ah Dot m'dear tis difficult when the get up and go has got up and went, but it will come back to you and all the housework will be patiently waiting for you, never fear the dear little fairies won't sneak in and do it for you.  I put some washing in (you just reminded me) so I really must go and decorate the airers in the bathroom and it might just dry in a couple of days.  Please resist all urges to dive in the pool at the moment, it has it's winter cover on and the trampoline effect might be a little unsettling - however bouncing apperently is very good for you and re-energises you and get back your go to get you up, so maybe we should all have a mad half hour bouncing on the pool cover!  Stop drowning and start waving, you know we'll all wave back and then drag you out for a Baileys or three.  Please be kind to yourself as your heart and soul have just taken a huge bodyblow and need time to absorb and recover, snuggle to the middle of the huddle (which will be very interesting whilst we are bouncing) and take every day one step at a time - today the washing..... tomorrow the ironing aaaaagggggghhhhhhh! xxxxxxxxxx

Pretty coloured lifebelts and massive ((((((hugs))))))) for you all.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Dear Rosemary - You've done it again.....got me laughing and crying at the same time!!!!!!  Think I need the sparkly rope to pull me up before I can start bouncing and waving.........And though I prefer to be patrolling and looking after folks I think for once this penguin is going to have to admit defeat and let the rest of the huddle gather me in their flippers till I feel better..........Not sure just how long that will be though.......'Scuse for me for sniffling - but me tissue is too soggy............ xxxxxx

Evening all

People say January is a low month, but I thought for us it would be december, however we all seem to be struggling. so big hugs all round, extra large ones for rosemary and Manda.

I don't actually think I am doing too badly. I went to the gym again today even though I had no energy I managed to do a full workout and a swim afterwards. I have decided I must go at least 3 times a week if I stand any chance to run the 10km I have entered for in may, it is going to be a very hard target for me. I maybe going to the gym but I actualy think I am putting on weight!! My jeans are getting tighter! I am sure thats not supposed to happen!!

I am looking forward to Liverpool and meeting some of you. I have however given myself a very busy week (considering what I have been doing in the last 6 months), I start work again on monday, so will be at work monday, tuesday and friday, I have to take my cat to the vet on wednesday because he is loosing weight and I don't know why, and I have my councilling on thursday. Then to Liverpool on the weekend, not to mention trying to motivate myself to go to the gym 3 times a week!! Bit of a change from sitting on my bum all day!

Oh well maybe I will find keeping busy good for me. Do people think that keeping busy helps or just pushes it aside? Sorry I seem to have a habit of asking difficult questions at the moment, i hope I don't make people uncomfortable.

have a good evening and a large balieys or hot chocolate

Becky

Hello

Becky, its really early days for me (5 weeks nearly) but my way of coping at the moment is to be really busy. I have 2 teenagers which helps a lot as they are often needing lifts, and my daughter has her friends round. I try and achieve one thing per day as far as the admin is concerned and I try to get out every day. I am tearful many times a day, it comes and goes and by the time I go to bed I'm exhausted. Tomorrow I am seeing my boss about going back to work ( I have been off since last may and I'm part time). I really dont know if its better to be busy or not but it works for me now. Whether i will be able to keep it up I dont know. Good luck with going back to work next week.

Hugs to all of you, I hope you have a good time in Liverpool

Clare xx