My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone.  Dot you put that so well - I know for a fact I am missing the old me from way back when....  I spoke to my counsellor about just that on Thursday.  I suppose we just have to be patient but I am thinking we also need to make/take the opportunities that come our way to make new friends and try to live our lives fully.  That is what I don't think I am doing right now so when this garage is finished I will make lots more me time.  Good advice Lesley.

The wall came down - albeit with a few choice words mostly directed at my lovely man, who I don't think put it up meaning it to come down.  There is not much more I can do now until after the tradesmen do their bit so I might get a little of that me time!!

Gayle I hope your cold is a really quick one.  I am no better than you at being ill - it gets in the way.  Take care though and get some rest as you don't want it to linger.  What, no photos of you as a pirate!!!  What a shame.  It sounds like it all went well.

I'll say goodnight as I have some ironing to do and I am not tired so I should be able to watch some TV while I do it.  Take care everyone and have a good week.  Ailsa xx

Hi, I have just seen your post.

It makes for very sad reading.

I hope you are well and bearing up.

Don't know what else to say really!!

It's 3.43am and here I am. It would seem that sleep is truly an elusive and mythical creature. Mmm........  Yes I have tried to sleep and managed a whole hour!!! Whoop whoop. How I long for the day when I can lay my head on the pillow and know nothing for 7 or 8 hours. Who am I kidding. No-one.  The wee small hours of the night are so lonely and miserable. I am trying so hard to rest but the more I try the more restless I become. I don't know of any resolution to this dilemma. Oh well, when I find the answer I will let you all know.

I hope the rest of the penguin posse is having a restful night.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Dear Patricia

I can sympathise with your lack of sleep - I'm not sleeping well either, though my reasons for sleeplessness are so different to yours.  But I have a few little tricks that I use to try to 'get me in the mood' for sleep.  A warm bath with lavender oil (or lavender scented candles burning).........snuggly pjs......... 'filing away' the day in my memory (reflecting on my day and trying to find a happy memory or two to keep and if possible discarding the bad stuff).......logging on here to 'get things off my chest'.........a warm drink of Ovaltine, Horlicks or hot milk with a spoonful of honey..........a good book - preferably a 'light' read not a horror story.............relaxation techniques - visualising each part of my body relaxing (starting from my toes/feet)............. Son Number 1 drinks camomile tea but i think it smells like wet hedgerows so I don't!!!!!  Hope some of this helps???  Probably not everyone's cup of tea - but heyho.......................

Whilst you sort out a good sleep routine I'll send you a comforting ((((hug)))) and lots of love to keep you going..........((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks for the suggestions Dot I have already tried several of them. I do actually fall asleep but it is staying that way that is the problem. Ah well, I obviously am not in need of much sleep.

I hope you are ablre to start resting a little easier very soon. I know you have builders in so it can;t be easy to wind down with all that upheaval around you.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Patricia - this may sound a bit silly but is your bed OK???? Do you need a new mattress???  We tend to forget about the 'physical' side of being comfortable in bed and an old mattress with no support is no aid to a good night's sleep!!!!

Just a thought............xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bless you Dot, it is a valid question. However, unless everyone needs new mattresses then the answer is definateley no the bed is fine. I was in the most luxurious bed in Japan and still didn't sleep very well. I fear it is more an age thing amongst others. Or maybe I have just got into such a bad sleep pattern that I am going to have to re-educate my brain. x x x

Oh Patricia, I can't offer many wise words about sleep, I do sleep with meds, otherwise would be awake all night.  One thing that did help me is that I bought the John Edward CD on how to meditate and do fall asleep listening to him, not learning to meditate though, just can't stay awake.

I have not gotten through all of your posts over the weekend, it was a very emotional weekend at the retreat, I met many lovely ladies and actually found a couple who live fairly close to me and will be able to keep in touch.  We spent the night in a lovely hotel and I ended up rooming with the only other member of my group who was there and one whom I have a good relationship with, that was great, we got a little closer and had some good talks.

We were unable to canoe as the weather was wild yesterday morning and did spend too much time sitting around chatting, Sitting around is not what I do best, I don't seem to get much of anything done but find just sitting is hard but we had wonderful meals, and a beautiful setting on the river, met nice people although some really sad stories.

Nice to be home, hard to get going to work this morning and Teri is coming tonight! So I am excited to meet my first penguin!

love to all

Bren, hope you and Teri have a lovely time, so exciting.

I hope you and Teri have a good meeting Bren x x x