My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning everyone

Good to hear everyone has enjoyed half term, back to it tomorrow but soon be summer hols lol!! 

Lesley so glad you re having fun, I ve met a few new people recently and more to meet!! Scary like you say but looking forward to it all. Also doing things I havent done for such a long time, going to the pics, walking, sightseeing, etc. Great!! Thinking of you on Wednesday Lesley xxx

Rosemary nice to hear from you again, big change in your life with Sam moving away. Dont see much of my 2 but they `re still here on and off, making a mess etc lol!!

Lynne sorry you didnt win last night but hope you had a good night.

Patricia thanks for chat yesterday xx

Hope everyone is ok today, see on facebook some of you had a storm last night, not reached here yet but really dark.

Have a good day

Helen xxx

Morning, all

Well, half term is nearly over - i just have a few more weeks until my redundancy kicks in - can't wait!!  although i really love my job, I am sick and tired of not feeling valued, and have had enough. Goodness knows how i'll earn any money - have put the kids, dogs and cats on E-bay, but no takers yet!! lol

Alice is still asleep following the after-show party - the whole musical theatre group are going for a meal this evening, so i expect that will be time enough for her to surface. have just walked the dogs and should tackle the ironing but it's too hot - who says i don't know how to have a good time!

meeting Rosie this week has had a huge impact on my outlook to life - that is one amazing young lady, and i thank her from the bottom of my heart for making me pull my socks up and start looking forward to what life has to offer instead of constantly looking backwards and bemoaning what has happened  Life really is too short.

take care, my penguin posse

sue xx

Morning everyone , What a lovely uplifting post tol start the day Lesley . i always remember what you said about what your councilor told you about a new Laley emerging from the ashes of the old Lesley and i always think about that now as that is how it is with me and i,m sure its the same for the other penguins too , you cant be the same after going through what we have all been through . I too have had a new hair cut , its very different lol , i'll try and get a pick on POA . Keep it up Lesley xxx Helen , well you sound like you've had a good week but its back to work for you now lol and mine is jst starting lol . Cant see me doing as many lovely things as you did but got a few things planned .. No in didn;t win last night but itb was a good night , and i hadn't realised it was mainley couples so i must be getting used to it now and going last night has got me a invite to a bbq next sat and then to the pub to watch england so that was a good result lol ..

Well tht builder came and he was lovely , i'm just hoping he comes back with a reasnable estimate cos i would love him to do the work , he sugested things to me before i did . He knew just what i wanted . fingers crossed for when he gets back to me .. Helo to everone else , got some of the kids for lunch , my youngest son has gone to Cyprus today , cant believe they've took Maddie away from me for 10 days , she will have grown a foot when they get back ..

Take care all

Lynne xxx

Must have crossed post Sue .. Glad you had a good meeting , they really do you the world of good .. xxxx

Morning all.  Thought I would post while it still is the morning.  No thunder here yet but lots of rain today.  Glad you enjoyed the dogs last night Lynne.  Getting invited to a BBQ for the 1st match next week is great.  Not sure where I am watching it yet.  Promised myself a weekend off the garage for the match and my 2nd RFL next weekend.  It has made me think  reading Lesley &  Sue's posts this morning.  I'm not in a great place right now and I am sure it is because I can't see any sign of a new me emerging from everything that has happened in the last couple of years.  I think I am not making enough time for myself or giving myself a chance to take up offers to spend time with friends.  I can't do anything about it yet as now I have started the garage I need to finish it.  Apart from anything else I need to get organised for when Becky & Declan move in with me for a while at the end of June.  But like you say Sue - I think I need to pull my socks up and spend some time looking forward.  Working on the garage is hard because it is all Chris all the time.  I think it is dragging me down.  I will see what I can do about it in the coming week.  Your posts have certainly made me think about trying harder to look forward.  I am working with someone who has been made redundant and after the intial upset he can't wait to go and get on with the next thing in his life now.  I hope the next few weeks are soon gone for you.  The rest will become clearer after that.

Helen the photo you describe sounds like the right one to me - go for it.  Glad you had a good time with your friends on Friday. Sounds like you have some good birthday treats planned.  Like you, my birthday at the end of June seemed too soon last year so I should be thinking about ways to make it a happier affair this year I think.

Hi Dave - glad you had a good time with the lads in Kent.

Hi Lesley.  Sounds like you had a good time away with your family.  You are getting lots of classes sorted out.  That is something I want to do.  I want to do a few dance classes but I won't have time for a few more weeks yet.  I will sort something out very soon.  I only have my pilates on Mondays so far.  It is lovely to hear you feeling so positive - well done.  Hope your meeting goes at you want it to on Wednesday.

Lynne I am sure Maddie will only have grown 6 inches by the time she comes back lol.  Keep yourself busy and it will soon be time for them to be home.  I hope that builder works out.  I hope mine shows up next week as I just want this done now.

Rosemary thanks for the text message on Thursday - your timing was perfect.  It is good that you have lots of visitors.  It will be strange now Sam has moved out but you will find your own thing to do with your space - if your visitors let you!!!  I like the house to myself even though I am out quite a lot, because it is my sanctuary and I feel close to Chris here.

Patricia did your neighbours quieten down yesterday?  If not I hope you went somewhere nice when you went out.

Well I had better get back to it - the sooner this is finished the sooner I can do something fun instead.  Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx

Hello all again!

In reply to what many of you have said, I think over the last few weeks I may have become a little selfish and am doing what suits me and not others for a change. Like you said Ailsa, having me time. The way I see it is that nothing or no-one can hurt me as much as I have hurt over the last 8 months. The worst thing I could have imagined has already happened, anything else that happens will also hurt me but I will survive, I have already proved to myself that I can.

I am accepting more invitations to go out and smiling more and trying only to think positive thoughts. I don't really rule anything out anymore, just take one day at a time and see what happens.

I still think of Colin all the time and write to him in my journal but I think he would be proud of me, he loved me and wanted me to be happy, so I will make sure that I try. I refuse to stay behind closed doors, crying for what I no longer have. Life is for the living, living means, loving, giving, sharing and yes getting it wrong, hurting and being hurt but that is the same for everyone bereaved or not.

Love and hugs for all, Lesley xx

Sending the biggest ((((angel hugs)))) to you all.  x x x Patricia x x x

Lesley you are a very brave and very very sensible lady and very very right too!  Colin and all our husbands will be thinking the same (and the wives too) that as you say they would want us to live life and be happy, we can't get back what we have lost, but we are so lucky to have had it all and this is what has helped make us who we are.  I hope that one day I will find the "new me" like the "new Ailsa" :-) just can't imagine who would want me at the moment, but that's just a confidence thing.

Patricia are you ok?  Sending you some angel hugs too, hope your neighbours are being a little more considerate.xxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone,

Sorry I've not been around for a bit but I have had such a busy week.  Work is still a nightmare (and stressing me out now but thats another story) and Jamie had a presentation at school for finishing P1, then I had the funeral on Friday which wasn't too bad.  It was a catholic funeral so very long and mostly about ceremony rather than the person.  It was very sad though as the girl I worked with is only 28 and her mum was just 55.  She was an only child and the dad isn't around so they were very very close so I don't know what she will do without her mum.  My heart breaks for her as I know how close I am to my mum.  Yesterday I had the playgroup fun day and my dad and I ran the cafe dressed as pirates.  The boys had a great day on all the activities and I won the adult fancy dress lol.  Hopefully there is no photographic evidence.  I did have to walk through our town on the way there as I had to do a message and I was mortified lol.  But because its been such a busy week and of course my insomnia has kicked in big time again I am now feeling quite ill.  I am past exhausted now :-(  I ended up in bed last night at 7, got up later for an hour for a cuppa then went back to bed and today woke up with a cold and still feeling rubbish.  I hate feeling ill as I rarely am and I am just too busy and can't afford to stop for a minute.  I have tried to take it easy today but it all starts again tomorrow as I am away for work again for a couple of days and then busy the rest of the week with school activities and meetings.  I will see how I feel in the morning though and may just cancel my appointments tomorrow and work from home.

Its good to read the uplifting posts and Ailsa, you will find the new you.  Like you said you just need to slow down and spend some time thinking about how you want your life to go now.  We can't go back to the past unfortunately but like Lesley said we have to embrace the future and make some new happiness for ourselves.  Easier said than done I know but I know how much Wully fought to be alive and remind myself of that often - he wanted life and I have it so shouldn't waste it. 

Sorry I am not mentioning you all individually but I am thinking of you all but feeling rubbish.  Just thought I better check in and let you all know I'm okay and thinking of you all.

Gayle xxx

Evening girls

Sorry I've not been around very much to send you all ((((hugs)))) - sharing a computer with Son Number 1 is not ideal - but i hope to have mine up and running again tomorrow. It's taken me forever to catch up with all your news and as usual I can't remember anything!!! 

One thing that strikes me though is that you are all finding (or at least looking for) a 'new you'.........Or is it perhaps the 'you' of many years ago???  Whatever!?!!  That person is there already within each of you giving you the strength to cope with what has happened in your lives so far......and preparing you for the next stage of your journey.  We all need time to step back from the tragedies and disharmonies thrown at us..............to reflect on where we are now and where we would like to be in the future.  Learning to accept what cannot be changed......... remembering the best of times.......... beginning to look forward..........these are the goals to aim for.  I am sure that you will all find your own happiness - maybe not yet.........but it's out there waiting for you...................

Meanwhile I'm sending love and comforting (((((((hugs))))))) to all my penguin friends..........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx