My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone.  The weather here is cold and windy - lucky you Gayle having nice weather.  I'm feeling quite proud of myself after doing the first tip run from the garage.  I'm doing another tomorrow so that should really clear out the clutter.

Lynne I still have my fingers crossed for you for a flight on Monday.  Janice it will be nice to finally meet you in Manchester next month.

Is that you babysitting again Lesley?  Hope the little one is less grumpy by now.  Gayle it sounds like you had a nice night last night with your friends.  I am determined to have a quiet weekend this weekend and catch up on sleep.  I am off down to Becky's again on Monday.  They will be giving me my own lane on the M1 soon.  I am going to look after Declan while Becky goes on a training course this time - can't wait to meet with Rosemary on Tuesday though.

Judi sorry you have a cold - hope you are snuggling up and resting lots.  Uncle Phil sounds like a lovely man.  I appreciate your concern and Patricia's about my counselling coming to an end.  I promise to keep the safety net appointment if I need to.

Patricia it is a shame you couldn't sit and read when you went to the place where Ray & your mum's ashes are but it is very cold right now.  There will be other chances in the warmer weather I'm sure.  Even though I slept quite well last night I still seem to be yawning so there must still be some repairing to do.  No reason why I shouldn't get a good night again tonight though.  I need to be more fresh for this next drive than I was for the last one.

Well I think BGT will have started so I will get off.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Evening xx

I went back to bed for a couple of hours this afternoon so caught up on a bit of sleep, hopefully get more tonight. The comments on facebook and texts from everyone about last night have been amazing!! Everyone had a great time.

Looking forward to meeting everyone next month too. I have suddenly got a few dates to put on the calendar, need to keep a diary lol!! Just booked to go and see Nightmare on Elm St on Tuesday with a friend and going to see a psychic on Monday night. Cant wait.

Judi hope you re feeling better tonight xx Glad you had a good night Gayle, lovely to catch up with old friends, some of them there last night I hadnt seen since school...27 years!!

Ailsa glad you re getting your jobs done. Enjoy your rest too xx I feel quite settled tonight, even with a quiet house.

Hope everyone else has had a good Saturday

Helen xxx

Evening Ladies  Hope you are all ok, i am just back in from seeing to my dad, he is really struggling to get about now and he needs so much help. We have had a nice day here but still a bit cold. Judi i hope you are feeling a bit better and you are cuddled up in bed. Helen nice to hear your night was a great sucess brought a tear to my eye as well, you should be so proud of yourself and of course Nat and Liam. Ailsa will be nice to meet up again in July. Lynne i do hope you get away on Mon my friend went to Benidorm on Fri till Tues so she text today to say it was lovely and hot. Lesley  hope Daniel has settled. Sue your pics are fab where do you find them? I have nothing planned for tomorrow mind you plenty housework waiting for me. Gayle glad you enjoyed your night with your friends from school and hope your head was not to sore this morning. Well think i will go to bed and have a read. Luv and Hugs to everyone. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxx  

Just a quick post. I hope you are all managing to have as good a day as is possible.

Not lookin good for your trip Lynne, fingers crossed x x x

Will come back later.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Afternoon all ..

 Fiona i hope your dad is feelinga bit better soon , i know there such a worry .. Not sure what to say about my dad , he was quite subdued this morning when we went to see him but i'm just hoping that he starts to dig himself out of this depresson he's slipped into , not sure how we can help but we dont want to give the holiday (if we get there ) up , we have done it so many times in the past and we all know that we never know whats round the corner for us all . Big sis and grand kids will be looking out for him next week ..

 We still dont know 100% that we are going , the flights are back on into Alicante but things are changeing all the time , so its just goto the airport early in the morning and see what happens ..

Helen , hope you've recovered from your busy weekend and glad your feeling settled .. i'm going to tentativily sort the rest of my things out now so i'll be back with any up dates .. Hope your all having  good weekend xx

Lynnexxxx

I also lost my husband on 25th April and it is so very hard, I also feel guilty because the day he died (in our local hospice) he was trying to say something but couldnt get it out he was very restless and I held his hand and told him to go to sleep so he would be stronger when he woke, I looked into the garden and said oh look its raining and when I turned back he had gone , I never had chance to say my final goodbye. I cry and talk to him all the time but what I find hardest is the feeling of utter emptiness, we were together for 35 years, Im sorry for your loss and do know what you are going through take care lynne

Hello Lynne G, so sorry to here about your husband. There is a lot of support on here, hope you will keep posting over the coming weeks, I found it helped me a lot, it still does. x

Lynne, hope you manage to get off on holiday OK, you deserve to have a lovely time.

xx Lesley xx

Lynne G welcome to our community, none of us would choose to be here of course, but please find it a place of safety where you can lean on shoulders, share tears and laughter (yes you will laugh again I promise) and say anything you need to say but can't feel comfortable doing so in the "outside world".  So sorry for the loss of your husband, it is that awful and utter loss and unbalance that we all feel and which draws us together, you may not have said a final goodbye but you were there, you shared those final moments and he will have known your love for always, on my card for the funeral flowers I put "We didn't say goodbye, we said I love you" because that is what it is after all, we none of us wanted to say goodbye and all those things we may have wished we had said but now cannot, well they don't matter, it's the love we shared and the knowledge that we were there and we did all we could. Take care of yourself and please come back to us here, everyone on this thread is so lovely and we all know where you are now and have been there ourselves so we can and will pull you through.  xxxxxx

Lynne G I can only echo what has already been said, so sorry to hear about your husband, we all understand just how you feel and it helps so much to post on here xx

Lynne still keeping everything crossed, Liam is going to Amsterdam on Tuesday. Not sure it will affect him....hopefully it wll LOL!! Mean mummy!!

I have stayed in all weekend and caught up with sleep and jobs. Still shattered tonight, cant believe it. But feel ok xx I m going to see a psychic with a girl from work tomorrow night (not sure if I ve told you) looking forward to it, then going to the pictures on Tuesday with a friend...going to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street. Looking forward to it!!

Hope everyone is ok tonight, Judi are you feeling better?

Bug higs

Helen xxx

Hi Lynne G, have a gentle squeeze from me.  Please try not to upset yourself about not saying goodbye - Rosemary is absolutely right (you will find she often is) you were with him and he knew that you love him and always will.  I think that you holding his hand is all he probably wanted.  You really need to look after yourself now, and not be hard on yourself.  Everything, I am sure, is so raw and so unbearable.  Just know that we are all here and truly understand how grim some days can be.  Come here and just read if you want, or post and rant of scream and cry - we will try to let you know that you are amongst friends who will be by your side every step.

Thank you everyone for your wishes about my 'man flu' - because yesterday I felt that rough it MUST have been man flu.  Am a little less thick headed today, but looking particulary unattractive I have to say - the reddest nose, watery eyes and tissues in very pocket.  As a consequence I haven't don't much at all this weekend.  I took some flowers up to Ed and had a wee chat with him, just about 'stuff' - you guys know. 

Lynne I have my flippers crossed for you for tomorrow.  I think we need Bruce Willis from Armagedon to go an plug this volcano now, it is just a pest.  So sorry that your Dad is having a down period.   Fiona, do you think your dad would take a hug from me?  If so then give him a gently but squidgy one, Dads are VERY important. 

Ailsa - well done with getting on so well with the garage, and I am glad that you did read what Patricia and I said re the counsellor .... good girl.  Very jealous of you all meeting up again soon.  Never mind, September is coming isn't it Teri and Fiona.

Glad that you caught up with some sleep Helen, dont' be surprised if you have a bit of a 'lull' now - I think that if you have had something to concentrate on really work towards there can be a bit of a dip afterwards, so look after yourself ... that's an order. 

Lesley - I finally got to look at all your photos - I just love your hair, you are so lucky.  Hope that Daniel is keeping you busy hun.  Manda, what happens next and when does it happen re H and Oxbridge,  I think I will start to knit her a scarf!!!!! (Mind you - ask Boy, the last one I started (VERY chunky wool) had 36 stitches to begin with and by about the 20th row it had 72!!!  It ended up more a triangular blanket, but I am sure that H won't mind!

Dottee - I think I will get you to come and sort out the pots in my garden.  About 10 years ago I bought eight lillies and every year without fail the wee darlings just come back bigger and better and more - and that is with me leaving them out all winter, no new compost, no care or attention - they just keep on coming back ..... the same sadly cannot be said for the beautiful fuschia my sister bought me last May, having spent over two months under feet of snow I have a feeling that that brown twig is not going to do anything!! 

Off to get fresh tissues, love to everyone - Judi xxx