My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

well done, helen and friends.

It must have been a hugely emotional evening, bur what a brilliant way to celebrate Paul's life.

fantastic amount of money, too - what a girl you are.

sue and Napoleon xx

Morning everyone.  I'm glad you had a good weekend with your BIL Bren.  It is lovely to have company and do normal things like cooking again.  I sometimes wonder if I can still remember how to cook, then I invite a house full and have a go - it's always fun.  The car paperwork is such a classic mistake for anyone in this little group - even when I try not to I still manage to get things like that wrong!!  Your group sounds really helpful so I hope you manage to get away with them.  I saw my counsellor for probably the last time on Thursday.  I have had a bad 3 months leading up to the anniversary of losing Chris.  She has been a huge help listening to me say things I didn't want to upset or bother other people with.  I definately feel different since I past last weekend so I want to try again to manage how I feel for myself.  There is a limit to the number of sessions I feel I should take up and possibly be stopping someone else from getting some support.  I have an appointment in a month as a safety net.  Your neighbours little poodle sounds sweet.  Lots of ((((((hugs)))))) for this weekend as I understand how the 'good weekend, bad weekend' thing feels.  However I think I must have answered Sue badly as on this occassion I am actually GLAD it is the weekend.  I have dreaded so many weekends recently that it is nice to reach this one and be excited.  I've had 2 hard weekends so I am due a good one. 

Lynne I'm sorry you are still not sleeping.  It is not nice being so tired.  I can only suggest you go with the flow and don't worry about it as then sleep will become even more elusive.  I was always the poor sleeper between Chris and I and he always said so long as you try to rest it doesn't matter too much if you actually sleep.  If I am awake in the night now I try to remember that and I get myself a warm drink and read a book and not worry that I am not actually asleep.  You have a very busy weekend planned for a tired person lol!  I bet your holiday cures your sleeping problem.  Emotionally I am feeling a lot better this weekend.  I don't think I could have got much worse than I did last weekend.  A friend at work told me I was looking very grey and ill last Friday and I look better but still tired this week.  I am not having any of the really awful memories now the anniversary has passed and seem to be able to recall some good times.  I am enjoying working on the garage so it must be therapy.  It is something Chris and I planned together.  It is nice picking up things knowing Chris was the last person to handle them and then laughing when I wonder why on earth he has hung onto some of the things he has.  I am off to the tip later today as even I can manage to part with lumps of wood and old cables!!!   Stu is realy enjoying doing it with me as well so the theray must be helping him too.  He worked on it all day on his own yesterday and had a couple of friends round for a look.  I don't see so many of his friends these days so that was nice.

Well I had best get on with something.  I can't wait to hear from Helen all about last night.  I will keep checking in.  I hope everyone else is okay today.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Morning Sue, morning Helen.  What a fantastic amount of money to raise Helen - well done.  It sounds like it was a great night and such a good thing to do in Paul's memory.  You have some great friends and Nat & Liam have done such a good job as well.  Lots of love and ((((hugs)))) to the 3 of you.  Rest and enjoy the memories of the evening now.  Ailsa xx

It's raining - so much for my gardening plans. huh!

'The rain, it raineth on the just

and also on the unjust fella.

but mostly on the just, because

the unjust stole the just's umbrella.'

xx

Hi Helen

That great helen all the money you raised last night .Well done to you and your family and friends

Lynn I hope you get away ok and have a lovely time in Benidorm we hoping to go back next easter

love to every one else on here

hope to meet up with some of you in manchester thanks for letting me come to that looking foeward to it

take care

love janice xxxx

Bren, glad you had a pleasant weekend with your brother-in-law. Giving him the wrong registration papers just means that the car was in your possesion for a few days longer and was a more gentle handover (lol).Feeling ill more often than usual is a natural occurrence following bereavement. It is a very stressful time and often this affects the immune system and makes us less able to fight off even minor infections effectively.

Helen, what a fitting tribute to your lovely man. I am sure that he would be proud to know that you have done something so wonderful to mark his passing and are now helping others.

Lynne, do you EVER sit still? I am worn out just listening to what you get up to.

Ailsa, you are not taking time which could be used for someone who needs it more. You must think of yourself for a while and make sure that YOU are ok. Everyone needs help in some form or another. This is your time. Make the best use of it until you are sure you no longer need it. To be honest, I feel more lost now than I ever did so time is no guage for how we should be feeling.

Sue, I hope you are ok. You never say a great deal but are always here to offer support. I love the latest picture and the accompanying poem. Fab.

Dottee, lovely to see you and I hope things are going well for you and Alan.

Janice, take care hun.Be kind to yourself.

Yesterday I went to the place where we have put Ray and my mum's ashes. I planted a forget-me-not plant and some flower seeds so I am hoping that they survive.  My intention had been to sit for an hour and read my angel book. (the one Lesley told me about) but it was so cold and windy I wimped out. Instead I went and inflicted myself on my dear sister.  We had lunch and chatted about the things the medium had said to us. As usual of course I ended up crying like a baby. Duh, when exactly am I going to stop doing this I wonder? To-day I am going up to my sister's again but this time I am taking dad and we are having dinner. She must think I'm moving in lol.

Love and angel hugs to everyone (especially those I have not mentioned by name). x x x Patricia x x x

Morning everyone, and Helen what a lovely description of your evening.  I am so glad that you, Liam and Nat were able to see how many people wanted to show you how mouch they thought of Paul and of you. xxxx

Lynne, I am blowing as hard as I can to make sure this damn volcanic ash doesn't upset your plans for next week.  I notice on FB that Manda and Gayle seem to be in 'booking holiday' mode!

Ailsa, I tend to agree with Patricia hun.  I think that you should look at your counselling as something that is still beneficial and is happening at the right time for you.  Don't see it as 'using up' someone else's space.  A well and healthy Ailsa is benificial to the whole world, so we all think that you shoudl continue until you one day actually KNOW (not think!) that you are ready to continute without.

Bren - yes the weekend thing is tricky.  One good followed by one bad tends to be the way mine go.  Glad that the poodle is snuggly, nothing better.  Joey and kat (as Gayle can tell you) are a little large and a little boney to be considered cuddly .... and certainly couldn't get on my lap!

I woke up yesterday with a tickle in the throat that has turned into a fullblown snottly nosed, thick sore head, shivery cold today so am planning to absolutely nothing apart from walk the dogs.  Am unwashed, snuggled up in a poloneck, a thick cardigan with a scarf around my neck - I must look a right sight! 

Am plodding rather than zooming on with the housey stuff.  There is a problem (quite a big one apparently) with damp in an outside wall, even though we had a new roof put up over that bit three years ago, so I am not sure quite what to do about it.  Also have discovered that the kind of little house I would like is apparently very popular and therefore not easy to get and VERY expensive ..... drat!  But I tend to find that when something like this happens there is always a wee bright light that reminds you how many good people are out there.  The latest one for me was a fairly surreal moment on thursday night when 'Uncle Phil' (Ed did some consultancy work for him in the last year and he lives just down the road) arrived at my door and to cut a long story short quiety and kindly enquired if I was selling because I couldn't afford to stay here.  And quietly and kindly informed me that if that was the case I was not moving because he would be sorting it.   How incredible is that.  What makes it more bizarre is that he is called 'Uncle Phil' because he is actually Ed's ex-wife's brother!!!  Talk about extended family.  Anyway I was able to reassure him that wasn't the reason for my thoughts, but the more I think about it, the kinder it seems. 

Off to get my tissues and maybe treat myself to a long bath.  Napoleon, could you just check the temperature for me?  Love Judes xxx

Now then Helen thats twice you've had me in tears this week , its not on !!1 No seriously , your night sounded fantasic , i can picture you now surrounded by your friends , oh my its bringing a tear to my eye just thinking about it , so glad the night was a great success.xx

Judi how sweet of uncle Phil , what with Gayles gardian angel Colin  and your uncle Phil , it restores your faith in humaan nature , hope you enjoy your bath and are feeling better soon .xx

 Patricia enjoy your lunch and the tears will stop when your ready , Yes i do sit still sometimes but not often lol , i'm sat now .... Well my sister has given up that we'll be going anywhere on monday morning , but ever the optimist i havn't given up yet .. Cant remeber what evedrybody else said sorry , my mind is still in over time with the things i've got to do .. I'll be back later .. take care xxxx

Morning everyone,

Helen, the night sounded fantastic and yes brought the tears for me too.  The end sounded so lovely but so emotional.  I am sure Paul was there too singing along with you all.  What a great amount of money to raise too!  You try and rest this weekend (easier said than done) as you have had a tough week.

Lynne, I am keeping everything crossed for you that you get away on Monday.  It will do you the world of good to get away for a week and then you come back and we go to Manchester woohoo!  Manda (and anyone else in the area - Lesley?) are we meeting up for dinner beforehand?  We could maybe meet about 4 or 4.30 but need suggestions for where to go as I haven't a clue where we are going to or where that is in relation to where we are staying - I think Lynne and I are aiming to meet around lunchtime.

Judi - what a lovely story about Uncle Phil.  Maybe we do have guardian angels around us Lynne although I won't tell Colin that as he already has a big enough head lol.  He needs to come and sort my cross trainer this weekend although keeps threatening to make me a training programme too grrr....  You keep wrapped up Judi and I hope Joey and Kat are looking after you!  Must be that cold weather in Aberdeen ;-0

Ailsa, glad the garage is progressing well and that you are enjoying doing it and spending quality time with Stu.

I had a good night last night with the girls I went to school with.  One I hadn't seen in about 16 years but we were very close then and it just felt like last week to be honest since I had last seen her.  Although we always end up talking about the old days and I was a bit wild (I know its hard to imagine lol) so they always end up slagging me off lol.  We ended up not going out and just staying in and drinking so I do have a bit of a sore head today.  Luckily it is a gorgeous day here so the boys are quite happy outside playing on their bikes.

Fiona, hope you have a good weekend and you get a bit of rest as I know you have to look after your dad on your own today.

Dottee - thanks for the hints on the tree - thats what I will do!  I will go shopping this week for a nice pot to put it in.

Sue - how are you doing?

Sending everyone else bug higs and hope you have a good Saturday

Gayle xxx

Hi all

Helen your night sounded great, what a lot of money you all raised. Make sure you have a good rest for the rest of the weekend.

Gayle, are you talikng about your meet in Manchester when you go to see John Edwards? If so I can't make dinner as it is a week night I won't finish work on time  :-(

Wish the weather would pick up again, feel really cold.

Got to go I have a grumpy baby here with me! xx