Hi, yesterday I went food shopping. I was heading back to the bus stop, when I saw I woman knelt over her husband. He had fallen over and hit his head. So I went back across, she was on the phone for a ambulance. So I held him in the recovery position. His daughter arrived and took over my place. The ambulance arrived and I just walked away crying. Seeing the emotion of his wife and the ambulance with flashing lights. Hit me hard ( I think he will be ok). Since then all I have seen is the ambulances outside our house and the one, taking Sue away.
Plus it's a Friday night tonight, so tonight is going to be so hard again. I wanted to talk to someone but after the last few phone calls, I don't know who would understand. So I am just stewing on my own. Just another bad wave.
It was very kind of you to help. I do understand. It is trauma, and PTSD from seeing your wife Sue being taken away in an ambulance. I have had the same with my husband. There are certain things that happen that trigger flashbacks. It can seem like you are literally reliving the moment. It is very intense and painful. I found it quite frightening, and thought I might be going nuts. I did some research on Cruse Bereavement, I wanted to understand how grief affects the mind. Apparently, the brain can’t process too much trauma in one go. Therefore, we revisit certain ‘upsetting events’ time and time again, to try and make sense of it. Eventually, this calms down. [I hope so]. Have you tried to call the Cruse Bereavement helpline ? Sending kind thoughts, Kate. Xxx
I am in week 52. The first year without my husband is Monday, the 4th August. We are planning to visit his grave with flowers, and then go for lunch somewhere local. Xxx
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