My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

lynne, hope you have a wonderful time at dancing on Ice

xx

Welcome home Patricia, your posts were so interesting, sounds like you had an amazing time.  I also find coming home tough, it is so hard to come home to an empty house.  Get yourself some rest and huddle for a while.  Lynne be careful on that ice!

I have had my quiet weekend alone, two friends were supposed to visit but didn't make it so I have not seen anyone I know since work on Friday.  I did get the dog out for a couple of nice walks on two different trails yesterday and today so a bit of sunshine.  I have been decluttering my kitchen all weekend and have made some good progress so something done anyway. It is great to get away but I find the next weekend I am tired and don't want to go out and be busy but also am so lonely at home, don't know what I want I guess. Or I do know and that is impossible. 

Hope you all had the best weekend you can.

love Bren

Dear Bren I so undertstand what yoiu mean and I wish for the same thing but unfortuantely I am unable to perform miracles. Take care dear friend and allow us to support you in this penguin huddle. x x x

Sue I am glad you enjoyed my posts. I enjoyed writint them but got a little carried away with my desriptions. (I loved essay writing at school lol). x x x

Lover anmd angel hugs to everyone x x x Patricia x x x

More hugs Bren, hope being in the huddle helps you a bit.

Welcome home Patricia!  I also loved your reports and they could never be too long, we all felt like we were with you and seeing it all through your eyes. Is the jet lag bad coming back or is the time diffrence enough to keep you on track but just be tired?  What a most amazing wedding that must have been and to visit uch a place, with all the travel we can do these days Japan is still an unusual destination isn't it? 

Mind all over the place tonight and I can't remember for the life of me all I wanted to say over the last posts, and there was a lot I wanted to say I know.  Hope you are all ok and sleep alright tonight, take care all, lots and lots of love xxxxxxxx

Hi Rosemary, the last couple of weddings I have been to have been very different to the norm. The first one was my nephew's because he had a Hindu wedding. followed by a civil ceremony. The second one being my son's. This one was different a) because Ray was not there b) because they asked me to decorate the cake and I ended up making it, icing it. then decorating it c) because she is japanese and we had to go to Japan to celebrate there too with all her family and friends.

All weddings are special and made even more so if at least one thing goes awry.

I was not jet lagged because I am used to being up for long hours but I did go to bed and stay there. I was taking advantage of the fact that I was home alone. It is the first long rest I have had for four weeks.

take care. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Just a quick post to say that I hope your dad is doing ok Lynne, he looks to be an amazing man.

I hope everyone has a good day.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello everyone

Patrica, nice to have you back, your posts have been amazing, what a wonderful experience.

Lynne, sounds like you had a lovely time at the dancing on ice, lol at the wine, didn't take long to break your vow!

Gayle, am so green with envy. Enjoy your fun in the sun, take care x

Helen, glad you enjoyed your first day back, another week for me!!

Hope everyone else is doing OK. I have had a mixed weekend, OK Saturday but had a terrible day yesterday, it's crazy although I know tears won't do anything except make me have very baggy eyes and a headache, couldn't seem to make them stop coming yesterday. I keep busy moving during the day but then when I can think of no more to do and I eventually sit down, the silence kills me. I feel as if I turned off the TV/radio, that I wouldn't really exsist. Just listening to the clock ticking, time seems to stand still. I ended up going up to bed to read, incredibly early as I thought if I sat alone in the lounge just one minute longer I would scream. Why can't I just get on with it and accept this is how it is? All the sulking and crying in the world won't change a thing.

Anyway had a better day today, went for lunch (Mexican) with Rachel and Co. They are taking me to the caravan on Thursday for a few days, so am looking forward to a relaxing break before returning to work.

Fairly busy tomorrow and Wednesday so shouldn't be too bad.

Hugs to all Lesley x

Evening everyone

Like everyone else I enjoyed reading your holiday posts Patrica. Hope you re feeling bit more settled today xxx

Lesley sorry you had bad day yesterday, think every now and then you have to give into it...but not for ever lol xxxnThe rest of your week sounds good x

I ve enjoyed my first day back at work, was ready to go back but got a sad Son, he is feeing the pressure of college and A levels etc and maybe feeling the build up to the year anniversary of Paul xx I ve just e mailed his tutor as it is a different one to last year when Paul was ill and died so hopefully he can offer some support. So frustrating as he was so cross with me last night but I just want to help xx Had a chat tonight so maybe we can get through this together.

Nat is also a bit fed up on return to school as its countdown to G.C.SE s for her too, so next few months in this house are going to be a bit tense I think!! Anyone got a spare bed lol!! Sure we ll do it, there s always Lynne`s wine if I struggle hee hee xx

Lynne your pics are great and it looks like Gayles having a lovely first day, is Manda back today?

Hope everyone else is ok tonight

Bug higs Helen xxx

Evening all , Thanks Helen ,  Rosemary and Lesley for pointing out that my "no more wine ever ever " lasted about 4 hours i  think but i did only have 1 glass (and a baileys lol ) it was a school night so couldn't risk feeling like that again . The show was fantastic as always and i did resist touching the ice as i know i would have been stuck to it lol .. I've been so excited about the charity day and was really bought down to earth with the said step daughters again , it seems that they akso decided on sat night that they would do a barbaque at Gordons sisters on the the same night as we had planned the charity day , and they couldn't come and leave her on her own , even tho she is of course invited and i get on very well with .So not sure why really but hey ho it will still go ahead and i wont let it upset me ..

 Helen so sorry the kids are on a bit of a downer too   , it must be so hard for them aswell , and yes i've got pleanty of wine lol .. Lesley , big hugs to you too , its a roller coaster hun , and there's no easy way off it ..Enjoy your few days away with your lovely little man ..  I've also put a set of agaordons Drums on e bay tonight , its the first time i've sold anything so i'm hoping i've done it right .. Also if anyone did want to come to the charity day (Gayle and Helen have joked about the next meet) everyone is welcoome , although i couldn't out any body up (already got family staying ) there  is a travel lodge and premire inn all within half a mile of me and the pub .. Any way no problem either way .. Hope everybody is ok ..

Take care Lynne xxx

Got a spare bed Helen, well once I uncover it from all Daniels stuff he still has since he "moved back" to his mobile home - dirty laundry, clean laundry, boxes of junk, boots.... you name it he still has it here.  My master plan is for him to take his double bed (I think a friend is having it) and Samantha is going to move her's to her new house once they get it and I will get twin beds in both spare rooms as I thought I rarely have couples to stay and if I have any of you lovely ladies come and visit you probably wouldn't mind sharing a room but it's nicer not to have to share a bed.  Simples!

The pool man came and opened it up for the summer - took off the winter cover, cleaned it out, put in the chlorine and stuff.  I want to see how much it would be to get some sort of heating for it this year and then maybe we would get more use out of it than the average 2 - 4 weeks we tend to get.  It sounds really posh but costs the earth to keep clean and running, is a real pain remembering to put the filter pump on every day and can't just be emptied and left or even filled in, it's about 30 years old I think as it was old when we moved here 10 years ago.  So it would be lovely to be able to really enjoy it and maybe the kids will bring friends and come over more often too.  Also you lot can come and swim and we can have pool parties!

Hugs to you Lesley, sometimes the meltdowns just happen, it's the ongoing gloomies that are hard to cope with isn't it?  I'm trying to think of ways to help you feel less lonely, but sometimes it's hard in a crowded room never mind when you're on your own.  We are all here though so never feel you can't reach out and text or phone for a friendly voice. 

See you all tomorrow, take care and sleep well dear penguins, I've just finally got around to changing the bedding so if you all want to hop in for a huddle it's nice and fresh in burgundy and red contrasting colours (Tesco finest don't you know) and will probably be a bit warmer than out on the ledge tonight - that winds quite nippy!  Love you all lots xxxxxxxxx